3-year-old still not settled

[Bellecornclem]

My son has started pre-school and every day I take him in I have to pretty much force him in (he tells me he's scared to go in and runs off or stops walking when we get near the gates). I'm told he's fine when he's there. It's starting to break my heart. Today his teacher had to carry him in (on what planet is this "normal"). I came so close to tears today, which I know is a big no no.

He wont answer me when I ask him about his day and completely shuts down although; he does smile when I ask him about the other children. I see the other children go in fine and when they see him they shout that's my friend and give him wave one child shouted that's my best friend on one occasion. In response he just puts his head down and closes up.
I just want him to be happy. Is anyone else going through the same or have you been through it and are out the other side?

How long has he been going? IME the older they are the harder it is for them to settle. Give it a good couple of months.

Thank you for posting a reply, He only started in September, The first few weeks he cried the entire time and now he'd rather run off than go in, he clings on so much. I just thought he would be settled by now, The longer it's going on (with his protests, upset and shutdown) the harder I'm finding it to walk away and leave him there.

My DS has autism, and really struggles with transition (not saying your DS does, just for context), even between activities or changing to do something he actually wants to do. As a result, the home to nursery transition was difficult for well over a year, so definitely feel for you, it feels so crap dropped off a crying child day after day. It did get better eventually.

This is a few things that seemed to help, just in case there's anything you haven't tried yet.

1. Longer and more structured routine before drop off. I know it's counterintuitive, I used to drive to just outside so I only had to get him 100 yards, but changing to walking in has really helped. Now DS seems to view the transition as happening when when he puts his uniform on, so if he kicks off it's at home it's in a safe / controllable environment, and he's got passed it by the time we actually get there.

1. Warning before starting to get ready, using a clock if he can understand. (Eg. "We're going to start getting ready when the big pointer gets to the top")

1. Overlap from previous actually (eg. Keep hold of the toy he was playing with while getting dressed)

1. Plan something for afterwards. Doesn't have to be anything big, just a game were going to play or what we're having for tea. I think it helps him to remember that it's only temporary.

Sorry the app seems to have eaten my paragraphs

ForeverBubblegum that is really helpful. My son has epilepsy and the medication he is on can make him more emotional.

Thank you for giving me that little bit of light at the end of the tunnel with some nice advice. I needed it. I'm sorry you had a tough time with your DS.