Tempted to have another baby at 38yrs old, older mums what’s your experience?

[Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy]

I’m 38 and had my first baby in July. I didn’t plan on having children because I always heard how hard it was, particularly from my own mum, which put me off. Also, for various reasons I didn’t think I could get pregnant. Anyway, I did get pregnant and I’m really enjoying having a baby, it’s so so much better than I expected! I now wish I’d done it much sooner as I could see myself having more than one baby. I already feel quite tempted to have another baby but considering my age I’d have to do it soon. That doesn’t worry me but I read a lot of posts about people struggling with two young children. Also my mum has already said she feels too old to be helping me with two, she will be having my daughter once a week for a few hours when I go back to work. Also how do people manage financially with two? Is it too soon to tell if I’d really like another child?
I’d love to hear experiences of older mums with two young children.

I had mine at 38 and 41. I wouldn't have wanted less of a gap as I think it would make it harder. A three year old understands and can do so much more to help themselves than a two year old. DS1 was fully toilet trained by the time DS2 came along.

But I didn't have any family close by and DH has to go away for a few nights on business 2 or 3 times a month so I knew it was going to be hard. Luckily for me, I could give up work (don't think I could have coped at that age with no support, lack of sleep and having to work). There's also a time when having 2 means they are playmates at home - built in entertainment, which releases you for a break.

Had mine 10 months apart .. and then 6! years.. all very close friends and always have been.. but now 18,24 and 25 .. personally I found to close together easy as I was in the 'zone' .:

I had my first at 39 and he’s now 19m. I’m planning another so will be 41 if I get pregnant soon. I’m excited about it

Your baby is too little for you to be considering having another so quickly. Re-assess the situation when she is at least one. Do take on board what your mum says and consider your partner's feelings.

Congratulations on your baby!

I've had baby #4 at 39 (I'm now 40) it was tougher than my other pregnancies as I had gestational diabetes. But the labour was fine.

I'd go for it. I've got a friend who had her first at 39 and is now 44 and regrets the fact she has left it too late to have another. (by mumsnet standards you can have a baby at 44+) but in real life fertility stops (naturally) for the majority at around 44.

I'm 36 with a 2 year old and 4 month old. I was dreading having 2 so young and had no idea how I'd cope but to be honest it's not much different. I involve the toddler in everything I do, he fetches me nappies/wipes and sings to baby when he's crying. If things get hard because they're both demanding different things from me I stick them both in the pushchair and go for a walk. My baby is a really difficult baby cries 24/7 with CMPA and reflux so some days I want to hide in the shed and drink gin from the bottle.. but I did as a parent to 1 sometimes. But my toddler actually keeps me sane because he'll do something hilarious and have me crying with laughter. The good absolutely outweighs the bad!
Seeing my oldest as a lovely big brother is amazing and I'm so glad I had them so close.
Do it now you won't regret it I promise!!

I had mine at 37 and 39, 22 months apart. Dd is now 3 months old and ok I'm tired, but I am doing better with 2 than I thought I would. You're more experienced, baby follows the routine of the older child, and the toddler keeps me company and makes me laugh. Go for it

I had my second at 37. I do feel physically tired quite a lot, lugging a heavy baby around/chasing her around the house now that she’s on the move. Perhaps wait to see how you feel when she starts toddling.

We have a 3 year gap, partly to help with nursery costs as the three year funding kicks in the term after their third birthday. If your mum can take even one child that will be a big help with childcare costs.

You should wait 12 months between pregnancies to prevent the risk of hemorrhage / preclampsia which goes up the older you are (plus goes up if you don’t space babies out enough). I was 39 when my first was born and am now going back to the clinic almost a year later to discuss the second

How lovely,it's amazing when you enjoy motherhood to the fullest.
If your pregnancy was uneventful and delivery pretty smooth without interventions I would say go for it. Maybe not straight away as you want your body to fully recover and be well rested for a new ''tenant''.
I fell pregnant with my 2nd when my 1st was exactly 12 months and it was pretty good gap.

Not what you're asking, but your comments about your mum reminded me a LOT of my friend, who was always told how tough her mother found little kids, and how she should only have one... her mum said she'd look after the baby, and then changed her mind last minute.

If i were you, i would seriously consider using a nursery or childminder instead. I may be projecting, but your mum doesnt sound like she'd be a reliable childcare option.

I had one at 37 and one at 38, love them, dunno if it's age or not, but it's a challenge...pass the wine!

No experience of being an "older" mum sorry as I had mine at 27 and 31. But having two is definitely hard work! DS1 was an easy baby/young toddler, DS2 is not. It's been/is hard work and I'm certain I'm done. But it is lovely!! And it goes so so fast, DS2 is already approaching 2, then all of a sudden the baby phase will be almost behind me.

So if you want a second, 110% go for it. I would wait until your baby is 12 months, you'll still be under 40.

Good luck!

I had my first at 37 and the second 11 months later. Having the second was the best thing we ever did, they love each other so much. I was tired but I’m not sure it’s an age thing, I think people of any age would struggle on 4 h per night for months on end.

@GirlCalledJames ...out of interest did you have 2 girls?

Knowing what I know now, I personally would want at least 2 years between babies. My first was so easy and we thought we could do it again very quickly, but my second was a high needs and a screamer and I feel in retrospect really ruined the late babyhood and toddlerhood of my first. I feel sad looking at how little the first was, in pictures. It’s the luck of the draw what kind of baby you’ll get, because obviously others find it ok. On the plus side they play together well now.

No, one of each

Thank you everyone. Definitely some interesting points. @Debradoyourecall that's a good point about nursery costs, I don't think i could wait until DC1 is 3 but you also made me think that my mum could still be helpful even by having one of the children.

@GrumpyHoonMain I didn't know that there were more health risks with having babies close together, thank you, I'll definitely look into that.

@3JsMa I had a smooth pregnancy but episiotomy and ventose delivery, baby was very alert and healthy from birth though thankfully. I think waiting until my baby is a year old seems like a good plan.

@Ohalrightthen I will be using a nursery when I am at work, my mum will just be having DC1 for a few hours on my day off so I wont be totally reliant. I think my mum is definitely reliable but at 68 yrs old she is being honest that shes not up for looking after two young children which is fair enough.

So after chatting to my husband about it we have decided to wait until our baby is a year old and if we still feel the same then we will go for it then. It will give me time to physically recover and also to see how I feel when I've gone back to work and come out of the baby bubble a bit! Hopefully another 9 months won't make much difference in terms of fertility.

I had my first at 38. Got pregnant the first month of trying... DD is now 4 and there's no sign of a sibling. Don't leave it too late.

I had mine 14m apart. I was 33 when I had my first and just 35 when I had my second. I always thought getting closer to 40 I wouldn't want another as I'd be too old but life changes and I don't feel old now that I'm closer to 40!

Anyway I digress. I loved having 1. It was tough with 2 because you're always being pulled in different directions. But I do love it most of the time. They are growing up together and really really are brilliant. They make me laugh every day.

My mum helps with childcare 1 day a week. It is a lot for her, particularly with 2 and I don't like to ask much more than that. She's in her 70s tho and little kids are tiring.

Re childcare.... yea. It hurts. Bloody expensive but one of those things. It's not forever. I get funding for my youngest in January and that will be welcomed! I'm currently not working and they go just twice a week for the routine. It will be nice when a time comes that my entire wage wouldn't go on childcare

You won't regret having another. It will be hard but it will be wonderful too. It's easier when baby arrives than it is being pregnant and having a toddler. You learn to significantly lower your standards and give less shits too 😁

Me and DH are both 39 and we have 3 year old twins (3y 10m). It is extremely hard work, we are constantly knackered and have little energy to do anything other than keep the kids fed, entertained and basically alive! However I found the newborn phase a walk in the park compared to the toddler years. Give me two newborns any day! Having said all of that, we wouldn't change them and they have made our lives complete. Yes it's hard, some days are extremely hard but it's all worth it!

Good luck OP, I had a close gap between my two, my first baby was so easy, second one was a different story, and the reason there was never a third! My two are 19 & 17 now & really close. Go for it, if you would like another.

@Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy sounds like a good plan 😊

Yes if your mum has one child one day a week... that would have cost you about £200 a month for one day a week at nursery - it quickly adds up to big savings.

I had dd2 in May, aged 44. Dd1 was 3, and it seems to be a really nice age gap.
It's been hard having a baby this year, particularly as I'd expected dd1 to be at preschool when dd2 was born, so I would have some time to bond with her.
In the end, it was just the 3 of us for a lot of the time, and it's been great. There have been issues, of course, but I'm loving it.
Yes, I'm tired, but I'm coping. The girls love each other and are starting to play together, so that's really nice.
Dd1 now gets her funded hours for preschool and goes 2.5 days a week, so childcare costs nothing at the moment. There'll just be the childminder for dd2 to pay for when I go back to work.