Struggling

[liama]

Im really struggling today. Im "punishing" my 7 year old as she had another awful night last night before bed, so i promised myself last night, dont give in, do not allow tv or ipad. Picked her up from school she was so happy, and when i gave her the news she burst into tears. Yes its only 1 night of no tv or ipad but i feel so shitty. Shes had a long day at school and i look at her and my heart breaks i want her to be happy and do things she likes but i
Also know i need to be firm if i want the situation to improve.
I was close to screaming the house down last night with rage because its every bloody night. Im honestly considering saving up for a private sleep consultant!

Does she so nothing other than ipad and tv after school?
If not, encourage the other stuff and distract but don’t back track

If yes, then use this as an opportunity to change it.

What parts is she having trouble with?
Changing clothes, putting toys away, brushing teeth, falling asleep, wanting to eat, or what?

Nooo no i realised after it sounds like thats all she does, no its a little bit or tv or ipad as a treat

Its the actual going to sleep part. I put her to bed, do our whole routine make it as relaxed as possible, it all goes fine, then she gets up, 50000 times for all the reasons in the world

It drives me to distraction.

Ive tried it all, i end up getting so angry because i feel like shes ruining the time i get to myself then i feel guilty for wanting that

Have you tried talking to her before bed time? When she's eating dinner?
Try talking to her
Why she thinks it's acceptable to scream the house down after bed?
How much it stresses you out
It's not going to continue tonight etc

See what she says?

My son is nearly 7 and this was completely unacceptable at 2 yrs old! Unless he was ill or something like teething etc

What's your bed time routine?

I had to stop both of mine having iPad time after school, the blue light can inhibit melatonin and iPads wind mine up. I would stop the punishment cycle, you need a routine though and if that's one without iPads or only certain tv at certain times that's fine (anything new at night can be too exciting for mine).

One of mine draws in bed for ages and this helps calm her.

I got lots of good advice from sleep scotland and they helped me with a routine, I wonder if there is similar in your area?

They said:

1. keep it as unexciting as possible before bed, one room, low lights, calm playing.
2. if baths don't relax them, do baths in the am (baths don't relax my dc)
3. might want to try sleep apps like Moshi or calm and see if they take the pressure off you from reading stories etc.

If punishing them isn't working, I'd wonder if your dc can help the behaviour - are they anxious?

Is she overwhelmed from school - is there a pattern where it's harder on school nights? Throwing some ideas out there.

No, she has to learn. No treats unless she behaves. I would do exactly the same and I wouldn't feel guilty about it at all. It would properly piss me off if my evening/night was disturbed like that and it's not good for her either.

I don't know, you need to think about the reasons - if they're anxious and really can't drop off, there are things routine changes and melatonin. I've been there with taking treats away as I was knackered a d the behaviour got worse. If you punish a child who's struggling, you are likely to knock their self esteem.

Maybe the 'treats' need to be saved for weekend mornings?

It's not personal, they're not trying to make you sad, angry, tired and desperate. I know, I've felt like that at times.