3 year old drives me insane

[jabice]

I feel like I'm not allowed to write this, but I cannot stand my 3 year old at the moment.

She throws 700 tantrums a day, screams, shouts, kicks/slaps her little Sister. She asks me to play games the second she see's that I'm about to do something. She waits until I'm feeding her Sister and then asks me to get her water/food, even though I have asked if she needs anything just before I start feeding Sister.

If I offer her 2 options for breakfast, she takes ten years to answer, and then changes her mind once I have plated it up.

She tries to run off at every opportunity. She howls with laughter if she see's me getting even slightly angry. She talks the entire day. She asks me a million questions when I try and eat dinner, and asks me to do a load of things as I'm trying to eat (obviously I don't do any of these things whilst I'm eating).

She will do the exact opposite of what I ask EVERY SINGLE TIME. Every little things has to be a battle, even simple things like getting dressed, brushing hair, putting shoes on.

My baby is 7 months old, so I'm tired and not sleeping full nights. I have absolutely zero patience left with her, and I go from 0-100 pretty quickly with her now.

Are all 3 year olds like this?? When does it get better? I just feel like I want to run off upstairs and avoid her because I find her so irritating. She was an absolute angel until her Sister arrived.

Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs

I have two, 19 months apart. When the elder (DD) was about that age I also felt like you do, it was HARD. So fucking hard. I had nothing in reserve and it was very tough. She was so challenging. Obstinate.

But... now she is almost seven and she is a little angel. Honestly, she has manners of a saint, is helpful, kind, sweet and articulate. I love her company now. The smaller is now a tyrant. But he’s coming out of that phase now too!

You are just completely and utterly exhausted. I know you know this, but it won’t be like this forever... it won’t. I feel for you. I know how hard it is.

I remember picking up from nursery. It would feel like within seconds of having my kids back I was hollering, wound up, hating myself and resenting them. One of them was a “Bolter” and in the dark months would shoot off to the car. I was never someone who shouted before.

At some point I realised small things getting easier. One child readily dressing themselves. Putting their own shoes away. Able to sit and wait. Small things... and then it starts to really improve. Those days are well behinds now and they are still only little! You know in theory that she is only doing it to get your attention ask there’s no badness in her... but they doesn’t stop you finding it annoying. Just try not to snap at her, it gets you nowhere, and mostly it leaves you feeling shit about yourself.

Hugs, hang in there.

3 years is a tough stage as they are asserting independence but not quite able too do a lot of things yet. It sounds like a lot of attention seeking behaviour though. At 3 she is old enough too learn rules are rules though and she must obey them.

I have a zero tolerance approach too certain behaviours such as hitting, screaming and slapping so that is a time out in the naughty step, a chat once time is up about the behaviour and why it’s unacceptable, an apology has too be given too whoever they hurt and then a cuddle. We always end it with I love you but that behaviour is not acceptable.

As for breakfast don’t offer her options. Give her something she likes it and tell her she eats it or starves but do not give in too food demands until her normal snack time.

My just turned 4 year old went through a stage of running off any any opportunity after his bang brother arrived. I brought back out the reins showed him then and warned him he would go on them like a baby the next time he ran off. He inevitably did run off a few times so go the reins put in him. This resulted in a few tantrums but it didn’t take long for him too learn that running off was going too result in the reins for him. I still keep them in my pram and remind him they are there if he goes too run off which stops him.

Are you giving your 3 year old undivided one too one time? When baby is napping or content? She absolutely needs this. I have 3 kids and the most important thing is quality one too one time. It doesn’t have too be much but do it daily. Buy a sand timer so she can see I have that long with mummy on my own and stick too it. If you have a partner get them too do the same. My eldest stays up later than the little ones. On a Friday night he watches an older film so gets time on his own. He knows that’s because he is the eldest. My middle one sits and plays in his room with me is his dad on his own. My toddler has me most of the day as the other 2 are at school and nursery.

She is probably picking up on your lack of tolerance for her which only inflamed things. She is only 3 and this is a massive change for her jug put in strict rules, enforce them and give loas of hugs.

Actually the PP above makes a good point. That “mummy and DD” time made a good difference to us. I literally couldn’t carve time out each day (inside I was screaming for time for ME to be carved out) so we made a mummy and DD night every two weeks. She would sleep in my bed on a Friday night. This meant the world to her! It was all about her. Cuddles just for her. And over time she stopped needing it. Sometimes the idea of it meant more to her than the actual night.

Thank you both!

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has felt this way.

@YouKnowWhoo I am glad to hear it eventually gets better!! You are so right, she isn't bad at all. She just desperately wants my attention. Such a good idea about having a Mummy & Daughter night! I am definitely going to do this every other week like you did. She will absolutely love it. It is soo hard not to snap sometimes. I try and walk off to avoid doing it, and then she follows me 😂.

@Fundays12 Great ideas, thank you! I thought about getting the reigns out the other day. I think that will really get the point across. If I'm honest, I'm definitely not giving her enough one to one attention. When the baby sleeps, I eat and then play a game with her, but sometimes I'm just going through the motions rather than really putting my all in to playing with her. Good idea about the sand timer too. It definitely is about getting more attention, the poor girl. Her Sister is such a needy baby and doesn't let me put her down and I guess she feels really left out and just wants some time with me. Will definitely be trying out your ideas. Thank you

Hugs it really is hard but it’s a balance between putting in discipline for behaviour that is unacceptable but equally giving them one too one time and everything else that needs done.

I like a really clean house but everyday something has too her left so the kids get one too one time or I get 20 minutes breathing space. Does she go too nursery yet?