My dad is really ill and getting worse. Should I tell my dd?

[ItsMyTurn]

My Dad was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer around 8 years ago. It has recently spread to his lymph glands and he is declining fast . Dd is always questioning why Grandad can't visit/come out/is tired etc. Do I tell her the truth or do I just let things happen and deal with things then? She is 9.5yo btw.

anyone?

I think maybe she's old enough for some form of explanation. There's no need to go into it in great detail, but she'll sense somethings not right with you if its getting really bad and thats not fair on either you or her.

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. In your shoes I would be honest and factual (try to avoid becoming very emotional or obviously upset - easier said than done, obviously). I would tell her that Grandad has a serious disease, that he's quite weak, and is having to take a lot of medicine that makes him very tired. You might find that she goes on to ask you more questions, which might enable you to talk about dying if you think she is ready for it (sorry to bring up the 'd' word. I do feel for you, I'm in a similar position with my mother.)

There are quite a few books dealing with bereavement for children - I'm afraid I can't recommend any for your daughter's age, but maybe someone else can.

Hmm, at that age I think I'd start being reasonably honest without being brutal.

Yes, and sorry about your dad.

thank you all. It is so hard as I have brushed it aside for her for a long time, but he is deteriorating now and his weight has plummeted to 9 stone so he looks different too. He always perks up when we see him (they live an hour away by train so visits are as frequent as we can make them) so she is shielded from how he really feels. He would be horrified if he knew she knew so that is playing on my mind too.

policywonk - for you and your mum too.

for everyone going through this.
At work I've used 'help me say goodbye' by Janis Silverman and talking about Death by Earl A. Grollman. The Janis Silverman book has great ideas for coping with grief and expressing feelings. Both books are available from amazon, I've used them with children aged from 6 till 12ish.
On a personal level, when my goddaughters grandma was very ill last year, we were very honest and answered any questions sensitively, but truthfully. The girls were 5 and 7 then. We also made photo albums with the girls, they chose the photos and interestingly, they chose lots of happy memories, but also a number of photos of grandma looking poorly when she was in hospital and in the nursing home. Our local library had lots of books with stories of loss in, which introduced the girls to some of the concepts before anything happend to grandma. Grandma was happy for the girls to know what was happening, she also spoke to them about saying goodbye and that she would always be watching over them. Very very sad for everyone involved, on reflection, we're pleased we told the girls the truth and allowed them to talk about it freely, but, every family is different, go with your gut instinct.