Will toddler be spoilt? Buying too much?

[Mella91]

I feel bad writing this when I know most people are going through difficult times..

DS is 18 months old. We are financially well off and buy DS everything. He has a winter playroom inside, an outdoor built playhouse in the garden both filled with toys - tents, battery operated cars, ball pits - everything you can think off. With Christmas coming I have made a big list of gifts we will buy him and lately it has stuck in my mind that maybe we are buying too much for him.

My friends all think we spoil him rotten and even comment that he will be unappreciative and spoilt. In my defence, my parents spoilt me the same was and everyone who knows me agrees that I wasn't spoilt or unappreciative. I have always been grateful for everything I had and this was due to my parents teaching me the value of everything purchased and the sacrifices they made.

I want opinions on this.. Do you believe babies and children can be spoilt with buying them too much? And most importantly, can I have tips on how I can avoid spoiling him while buying him things he wants.

Does he play with all the toys? If not then I’d be donating half of the shit in both playrooms. (Nice humble brag btw)
Don’t buy everything he wants for a start and obviously it’s spoiling him. Ever seen Verucca Salt on Charlie & the chocolate factory?

We do donate everything he has grown out of. He LOVES toys and always plays with them which is why we buy more.

Aye, ok

I think it’s a bit gross.

Think of how you could spend less, be greener in the process and perhaps give to others less fortunate.

I’m no grinch but 2 rooms filed with every toy? Friends and family saying your spoil? You sound proud of it, which is pretty grim.

Does he ever not get something he asks for? Do you say no to him? Is he disciplined when he misbehaves? Does he have solid boundaries, does he routinely break things? Is he able to play by himself, does he demand constand attention?

The answers to these questions are much more telling than whether or not he has lots of toys.

But also, as PP have said, it's pretty wasteful. Can you not think of any less material ways to show him you love him?

I think the more pertinant question is WHY you buy him all this stuff...

Too many toys will not spoil a child. That comes from being indulged and allowed to get away with things other kids would be told off for.

The thing with having too many toys all at once is that they are completely overwhelmed, don't know where to start, keep getting sidetracked from one toy to the next, and never really get full play value out of anything. Some toys will hardly ever be played with, and will be outgrown. So from my point of view, there isn't much point in buying a child too much stuff.

@Ohalrightthen

Does he ever not get something he asks for? Do you say no to him? Is he disciplined when he misbehaves? Does he have solid boundaries, does he routinely break things? Is he able to play by himself, does he demand constand attention?

The answers to these questions are much more telling than whether or not he has lots of toys.

He's only 18 months! He presumably isn't really asking for anything, and I don't think you can properly 'discipline' a child that age, I certainly don't think you should.

Honestly OP, I'd be less concerned about him being spoilt, and more concerned about his not developing creativity as much as you'd like because so many toys must mean he's not having to adapt them.

There's a website I saw on here - ironically its a toy shop! - called one hundred toys, and as well as selling (expensive, fancy, scandi) toys they have a blog and downloads about play which I have found really helpful.

Its all about what they should be doing at what age. you want to encourage open ended play. That can be with a cardboard box, or a playhouse, but I guess the point is all the toys do everything he won't have to imagine scenarios, etc etc.

I think we buy too many toys (though not as many as you, we don't have the space) and I have found reading about it really helpful. Also the idea of toy rotation. I think once you read about it you'll realise its better to have a smaller number of things that can be used in different ways.

I think the question is why you feel the need to buy him all this stuff? Do you think you might be over-compensating? But in answer to your question, I can't foresee any way that you could constantly shower your child with new toys and not find yourself with a kid who is spoilt, appreciative or entitled...

*unappreciative

@Atalune - I think you are assuming too much. I already mentioned we do donate the toys to others when DS outgrows them. I also mentioned that friends say we spoil him - my family (who know us well) doesn't.

@Ohalrightthen I am going to answer all of them truthfully and want an honest opinion;

1. he has never asked for anything yet (I think he is too young to understand wanting something and getting it - also we try to not take him to shops or anything due to COVID so we haven't had this situation yet.
2. We say no to him when he misbehaves which he doesn't do often. He is a very well behaved child (I think its his character and wouldn't say it is my own disciplining - he was always well behaved)
3. When he does misbehave (which is rare but lately he does like throwing tantrums - terrible twos) we say no to him clearly. When he throws tantrums for what he wants he never gets the thing he wants then as I cannot tolerate a baby that will cry and stomp for what they want.
4. I am not sure what you mean by solid boundaries? But he never breaks anything and is always careful - I think he takes after me as I always took good care of my toys (which I have kept till today for future DCs)
5. He is very independent and loves to play alone but at times does want attention - he loves to be read too and loves us singing to him.

Again with all these answers I think it is more his temperament then my parenting. My friends all say I spoil him because I live abroad and here it isnt the norm to buy so much for children - however they all comment on how well behaved DS is and that I am lucky because he doesn't require constant attention.

@Ohalrightthen We show him plenty of attention - singing, dancing, reading etc.

Well, at the moment, he's 3 and presumably, if he spends at lot of time at home, particularly in the current times, it's lovely to have nice things to do. He won't be spoilt at this age, assuming you generally know how to set healthy boundaries for him. But as he grows up, it sounds like it's wise to be sensible. Kids to have everything they want aren't happier or better adjusted, often quite the opposite. Obviously, I don't know you, but I grew up in a household where I was overindulged. We weren't rich, but we were comfortable, and my mum never said no. As a grown up now, I realise that my mum lavished me with whatever I wanted, not because she loved me and wanted the best for me (though she probably did that too), but because it filled an emptiness inside her that she was desperate to fill. Nice things are nice, but kids thrive with healthy boundaries, appreciation for what they do have, and learning how to accept that they can't have everything.

Why not do lovely things together to create special times instead? He's 3, so really at the moment, that's limited and he won't remember any of this anyway. But I've made a point to do things instead of buy this. Because we are comfortable, this means lovely holidays and activities, but not ridiculous ones. I take my eldest on holiday just the two of us once or twice a year, to special weekends away, etc. She remembers them and still talks about those experiences that were years ago, but she's usually bored with a toy after about a week.

as for why I need to buy him everything - I think it mainly stems from my parents buying me and my siblings everything. We were raised with everything and lots of attention too. I have always been happy and grateful for everything I have and would like to raise DS the same way my parents raised me.

As a dc my dgm worked in a top toy store. I had every toy ever made.
All I really wanted was a sibling...
Material stuff meant nothing as I grew up.. Same now as an adult.

He's only 18 months old and you have so much already!

Just because you can afford it, it doesn't mean he needs it all and up to know it's about your wants not his needs.
Why are you just buying more and more unnecessary stuff?

He can't be demanding tonnes of xmas gifts at 18 months old.

@tyrannosaurustrip thank you so much! Exactly what I wanted - I have thought about toy rotating but the thing is DS does play with everything. He loves toys and likes spending his time alone playing.

It makes Christmas and birthday gift buying nigh on impossible for other people, when trying to buy for a child who gets everything for no particular reason.

If he's only 18 months, he's not really asking for stuff is he? Is it more that you are buying everything because it gives you pleasure to do so? And then because you are buying stuff so often, you start feeling guilty when you don't buy him stuff? So you buy him more stuff and the cycle goes round again.

If he's only 18 months old, he doesn't need lots of stuff, he needs toys that he can explore in an open way like a previous poster mentioned - imagination and a cardboard box can provide a really good play session for a young toddler.

@mindutopia

Well, at the moment, he's 3 and presumably, if he spends at lot of time at home, particularly in the current times, it's lovely to have nice things to do. He won't be spoilt at this age, assuming you generally know how to set healthy boundaries for him. But as he grows up, it sounds like it's wise to be sensible. Kids to have everything they want aren't happier or better adjusted, often quite the opposite. Obviously, I don't know you, but I grew up in a household where I was overindulged. We weren't rich, but we were comfortable, and my mum never said no. As a grown up now, I realise that my mum lavished me with whatever I wanted, not because she loved me and wanted the best for me (though she probably did that too), but because it filled an emptiness inside her that she was desperate to fill. Nice things are nice, but kids thrive with healthy boundaries, appreciation for what they do have, and learning how to accept that they can't have everything.

Why not do lovely things together to create special times instead? He's 3, so really at the moment, that's limited and he won't remember any of this anyway. But I've made a point to do things instead of buy this. Because we are comfortable, this means lovely holidays and activities, but not ridiculous ones. I take my eldest on holiday just the two of us once or twice a year, to special weekends away, etc. She remembers them and still talks about those experiences that were years ago, but she's usually bored with a toy after about a week.

He is 18 months old :) I do spend all my free time with him.. we do lots together, we paint, we do crafts, we take long walks together etc

Also about your mum filling the emptiness she feels with buying gifts I don't think that is the case with me - though I cannot completely rule it out.

I do think with time I will stop buying too much but only because there isn't much else to buy him.

Thank you

@Whatsnewpussyhat no he isn't at an age where he asks for anything. I don't know why I buy completely. I think its just because that was how my parents raised me and maybe I don't know anything else?

I think I will tone things down a little

@BeaMends

Too many toys will not spoil a child. That comes from being indulged and allowed to get away with things other kids would be told off for.

The thing with having too many toys all at once is that they are completely overwhelmed, don't know where to start, keep getting sidetracked from one toy to the next, and never really get full play value out of anything. Some toys will hardly ever be played with, and will be outgrown. So from my point of view, there isn't much point in buying a child too much stuff.

Although rare, when he misbehaves he always knows we won't tolerate it. As a teacher I have seen my fair share of spoilt kids and DS is never allowed to throw tantrums for what he wants. We make a point of taking what he wants away when he throws a tantrum for it.

I completely agree with him getting sidetracked from one toy to the next. I am thinking of toning everything down a little. Maybe he cant get gifts for Christmas and one gift for his birthday - to be fair he has way to many already so there really isn't much else I can buy him.

My parents also spoil him way too much. They are forever sending gifts (he is their first and only grandchild - half of his toys and his outdoor playhouse was send and made by them) so I think I will have to speak to them too.

[quote Mella91]@tyrannosaurustrip thank you so much! Exactly what I wanted - I have thought about toy rotating but the thing is DS does play with everything. He loves toys and likes spending his time alone playing.[/quote]
I suppose when people talk about toy rotating, what they probably mean (and what I did), is to have multiple big storage boxes of toys, and get a different one out each day or two.

It also makes it easier to clear up at the end of the day - especially when they get older and there are toys with loads of small parts.

@tyrannosaurustrip that sounds like a good idea - maybe that way he will make the most of the toy he is playing with at that moment. I'll give it a go, thank you so much