Experiences of shift work and parenting

[JemimaTiggywinkle]

DH has applied for a job working shifts, and it would be great to hear your experiences of balancing family life with working shifts.

I work 9-5 and am pregnant with our fist child. After maternity leave I will work 3 or 4 days a week.

DH currently has a 9-5 job. New job would be shifts of: 5 days early (6am-2pm), 2 days off, 5 days late (2pm-10pm), 2 days off, 5 nights (10pm-6am). Days off will be different each week.

Pros: more equal parenting- DH would see DC more and look after DC alone 2 days, so I won’t be the “primary carer”.

Cons: I will see DH a lot less, our weekends won’t be at the same time.

New job would be slightly more money due to shift allowance, but a step down in responsibility. We can do without the extra money now but it would be a foot in the door of a large company with progression opportunities.

Should he take the job?

Yes, if between you it is workable and you are both happy with it then absolutely. I actually think shift work can be really positive when you have children, as long as you have support. Would you be happy?

Childcare wouldn’t be an issue as my DM will help and we’ll need less nursery time if DH is working shifts. It will be positive for DC as he will have more time with DH.

My main worry is that we won’t see each other enough - we’ll just be handing DC over on our way out to work. I think I will miss having weekends together.

We hope it would only be 2 or 3 years, leading to a non-shift promotion, but of course that’s not guaranteed.

My husband works shifts, although a different to the pattern you mention.
Things to bare in mind

1. If you need childcare you might not find somewhere which will only take your child when you require, e.g around your husbands shifts. Given his shifts you might need childcare on different days each week and we never found somewhere to accommodate that so we had to pay for full time nursery.
2. How much flexibility will your husband have re his shifts? My husband has his holidays scheduled into the yearly rota for him and if he wants to change these he must find the cover.
3. Will your husband be able to leave his shift at any time if needed to cover sickness childcare? "Apparently" my husband can't do this as his job needs to be done and if he leaves it leave that job empty...might be worth checking!

Despite the above, shifts have worked good for our family. DH gets lots of time off with the kids during the holidays (which saves on holiday club fees) but it can be hard work...being at work all week and then knowing you are facing the weekend all alone, even more so when your DH is on nights and it's wet outside so you're stuck trying to occupy kids in relative silence can be a challenge but you figure stuff out!

You need to factor in the huge impact shift work, especially nights, can have on quality of life. You may find that your DH becomes perpetually exhausted and off-kilter as his patterns are all over the place. This is absolutely not ideal at the best of times, let alone with a newborn. You'll both be parenting solo, which is exhausting. I wouldn't be happy with this at all.

Thank you, there’s some really helpful suggestions of things to consider there.

Would be very annoying to have to pay for full time nursery and not use it. My DM has offered to look after DC while I’m at work (and would be happy to) but I wouldn’t want to ask that much of her.

DH’a shifts would not be flexible, but I work very locally and my work would be accommodating for childcare emergencies etc.

I am worried about DH being exhausted all the time.

My partner and I are both working shifts (hospital) and we have a 9 month old. The hardest part is to organise our rotas so that someone is available to drop off and pick up baby to and from nursery.
We work normal 9 hour days, 12 hour shifts, weekends and night shifts.
We do not see much of each other at the moment but we chose this life so have to deal with it.