Struggling with newborn and toddler

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I have a 2 week old and a 16 month old and I am really really struggling. I love them both so much but I am finding it so hard. The newborn is up every 45 minutes to 2 hours and will take anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours to get back to sleep. The days are so long, I can't sleep when the baby sleeps as I have a 16 month old too. I am so knackered and I feel so low. My husband and I have had so many arguments over the past few days. He goes back to work tomorrow and I am absolutely dreading it. I don't have a clue how I am going to cope with two :(. Also, lockdown has meant none of my family have been able to come round and no baby groups. It is going to be so lonely and hard.
Any advice or wise words?

This is amazingly hard. Don't beat yourself up. Particularly in lockdown as. I playgroups you can go to. Do try to get out for a walk and some fresh air though as you will feel better for it and the children will sleep better. But it's also ok to pop the tv on and hole up in the living room for a bit too.

My first was a really really active toddler but would sit still for a little while with sticker books or similar. I used to save those for when I needed to focus on the baby (feed, nappy change or whatever).

In the early days I could not fathom how to get them both to sleep in the evening, DH was working away, no family so just me. I used to bring both into my bed, read a book to toddler while BF baby. (Tricky to hold book) then try to move them once they were asleep.

I sympathise, It’s hard. I had a newborn, 2 year old and a 3 and a half old. My husband worked away mon-fri and no family to help. I just took one day at a time. It does get easier and you learn what a warrior you are. I used to look back at the end of each month and remind myself how much easier this month was to the last one. Good luck x

Oh OP I sympathise! It’s so hard at that stage. I had my DS at the start of the last lockdown and had 2.5yr old DD to content with too. All I can say is get as much help as you can- You are allowed a childcare bubble now. If your mum, or other family member is happy to come into the bubble then that will really help take some of the pressure off.
Don’t forget you can also meet with other mums for walks - this is a good idea so you still get some adult chat whilst watching the kids.
Try and make sure your partner gives you a good hour or two every evening to relax by yourself - go and have a long bath or shut yourself in another room and watch some TV. It’s really important that you still get time on your own. If you’re bottle feeding then you can try and get an even longer stint!

While this stage is really dizzyingly hard work, having them close in age will have so many benefits later on. Family movies, board games, days out etc will be for the same sort of age group. And with any luck they will play together and keep one another company (yes they will fight too).

This really hard phase is over quite quickly even if it feels endless and relentless right now.

I am slightly further on than you, and whilst I am still tearing my hair out most days it is marginally better than 6 weeks ago! 14 week old and just turned 2 year old. Toddler is super active, seldom stays still for more than 5 minutes..newborn has a genetic condition meaning he cant eat well and has awful reflux, so I spend 45 mins every 2 hours feeding him then holding him up. But at least he doesn't scream constantly as he was before! My advice is get yourself out of the house if at all possible, regardless of whether you've brushed your hair or had a wash
And I have stopped beating myself up about toddler watching a bit too much TV at this stage - I always offer books and puzzles or pretend games when I'm feeding but sometimes only the TV will occupy.
If you can at the weekends try to get some 1 to 1 time with the eldest too.
I'm told eventually we will be glad if the small age gap!

I don’t have much to add other than to say that you can have family help you as informal childcare is allowed during lockdown. Rule number 8 I believe

Get a family member to help. You can't be expected to manage on virtually no sleep.
Does your dh not realise that you must be exhausted? Is he helping at night?

What is you husband doing to help?

I agree with pp, if you have family that can come and help then I feel it can be considered a welfare support with childcare. My children are a lot older and I still remember having a toddler and a newborn as the hardest days of having children. The exhaustion is like nothing else. I had a lovely friend who had gone through it the year before. She waited until the baby was a couple of weeks old (where you’re at) and told me all I needed to do was hang in there. It gets better at 6 weeks, then again at 3 months, 6 months. 9 months and you the time the baby is a year old you’ll be having such a lovely time with them. That turned out to be so true for me. Some days I did just focus on getting through to bedtime of even the next hour. I also got my eldest into a lovely nursery. He got friends to play with and I got time to sit at home and cuddle the baby and sleep when the baby did! I know your toddler is younger than mine was but it’s that possible? Take care.

Check out this thread you are not alone!

Toddler and newborn support thread? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/4054060-Toddler-and-newborn-support-thread