Don't know whether to have a second DC

[jengamaster]

I never thought I wanted children but after wavering we ended up with DD after one go of letting fate decide.

Although we found the first year hard, we don't regret it at all. Once she could speak it was so much fun and we're very glad we did it.

DD is about to turn 3 and I'm 38 and it's feeling like if we're going to have another we need to get on with it.

But I don't know if I want to? I feel the same as before we had her with all the what ifs. We don't regret it one bit and would make the same decision if we turned back the clock. But I though having one would have taken those feelings of 'what if' away.

What makes me think not to is:

• I never imagine or wish for an extra person in the house. More remember the baby bit fondly.
• I'm getting some time and normality back and it's wonderful
• my career is going well and I'm keen to make the next leap
• the logistics of two childcare drop offs, clubs etc is very very unappealing.

But we have space, can afford it and didn't regret it last time. Is that enough of a reason?

So my question is - how did you choose to stick to one or have others and are you happy with your choice?

I reckon I'll be in a similar position to you in a couple of years, OP.
I'm 34 and have a 1 year old DS. I think I'm "one and done" for a fair few reasons...... My pregnancy wasn't fun, traumatic birth which I'm still getting some PTSD from, finances, career, and I'm not getting any younger and do not want to deal with a newborn in my 40's. Some can do it, I wouldn't be able to.

Like you, I've never been maternal and also got pregnant after one go of letting fate decide.

I don't regret anything as I love my DS so much, he enhances our lives in so many ways and I absolutely adore him. I live for him, and I can't imagine having another in our lives.

I myself have a younger sister, we get along fine but we rarely see eachother even pre-covid. I don't think I'd feel that lonely without her as I'm quite a solitary personality anyway and never wanted a large family. No disrespect to my sister but I would've been fine as an only child.

My DH is an only child and is totally fine with it, he doesn't wish he had a sibling.

Also, there's no guarantee siblings will get on. I certainly know siblings that do not talk to one another at all.

I’m also considering the same question. However maybe viewing it slightly differently. I’m 38 and my daughter is 3 months old, she was a big surprise as we had decided not to have children and I also thought I couldn’t for various reasons. I’m so grateful it happened as it turns out I love being a mum. I really don’t want the baby bit to be over, although I’m also looking forward to what’s to come! If I was younger I’d wait a couple of years and see if I wanted another once I’d experienced the toddler bit but I feel like I’d really have to get on with it now! The only thing that put me off having another one is the cost of childcare and my mum saying she feels too old to help with two young children which is fair enough. I have a sister but I’m not against having an only child, for me it’s more that I have realised I love having babies, I just wished I realised sooner.

Have another one if you actually want one. Don’t have a second ‘for’ your first child, or because it’s the ‘done thing’. There is nothing wrong with having one child.