I'm a rubbish mum - feeling so down

[rubbishmum33]

My DS is almost 7 months old. I've been in tears this afternoon while he's napping upstairs, thinking what a crap mum I am and how he deserves better.

He has quite a few toys but spends every day just lying on his mat playing with the same things. He goes out for a walk most days but we live in a built up, very urban area and there's not much for him to enjoy or see.

I have terrible social anxiety and really dislike baby classes - I tried a few (including swimming) and hated them, especially as DS is quite highly strung and cried for most of the time. At the same time though I'm so afraid that by not going, DS is missing out on interaction with other babies and will end up with social anxiety like me.

Weaning is going badly - I'm trying to do baby-led and give him the healthiest possible start after not managing to breast-feed (another failure) but he's barely eaten anything in three weeks, just spits it back out and throws it on the floor. I see people cooking pancakes, baby fish pie, all sorts of lovely things for their children and I've not managed that once - he just gets single bits of fruit and veg. I actually didn't feed him anything (apart from milk) at all today because I feel so low and couldn't face the mess.

Before I had my son I promised myself I'd give him the best start in life, be there for him 24/7, be the smiley, happy, fun mum he deserves - and I've completely failed.

This new lockdown is also really affecting me - I feel trapped in my home and upset that there's nowhere to go for a coffee or drink just to relax and get a change of scenery. I have a local park, but it's not great and I've been there so many times this year already.

How can I make things better?

Bits of fruit are fine, give him what he likes and go from there. I know what you mean about the mess. Talk and sing with him and honestly the toys don't matter much at this age.

All babies go through the spit stage. DS was eating amazing at 6 months and at 9 months he suddenly started spitting food. I can swear we went a whole month of him not eating anything and spitting it all over!

My only advice will be please try to give him more food then just milk! If you dont give him more food now, it will only get harder to introduce as time passes. If you cannot manage to cook him anything (fish pie etc) then give him whatever you're eating (minus the salt) but chopped into small pieces (BLW) or pureed (spoon fed). Fed is best and it doesnt matter at all whether he is spoon fed or baby lead!

You don't need to make him special food - I always gave DS whatever we had (I would just salt our food after we served his)

At the same time though I'm so afraid that by not going, DS is missing out on interaction with other babies and will end up with social anxiety like me

With COVID we all have the same worry. DS hasn't seen anyone properly since March as where we live (abroad) we have had lockdown since march.

Also another tip is batch cook - that way when you cant face cooking anything you can just take out something from freezer.

Baby pancakes, individual portions of frozen pasta, frozen savoury muffins etc - check out Rebecca Wilsons instagram (Whatmummymakes) I found her tips a BIG help for me - I would cook a big batch once a month and just use from there on busy days

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. I’ve had another two days here where I haven’t fed him anything except milk. I don’t understand, people say just give the baby a bit of what you’re having, but I just grab a very quick cheese and tomato sandwich or can of soup for lunch most days. I certainly don’t make myself fish pie or spag bol! So how’s he meant to eat the same as me? Suddenly I feel like I should be cooking a proper lunch (such as fish pie) every day and I’m a useless cook at the best of times - it’s so stressful! But equally I want to give him the healthiest start in life so want to avoid pouches if I possibly can.

Op, how is his weight, is he increasing or maintaining?

I’m not sure about his weight - he’s not been weighed for ages due to Covid. I know he’s getting bigger but that’s all I can say.

Sorry, I missed the above post about batch cooking. Perhaps I should try that.

@rubbishmum33

Sorry, I missed the above post about batch cooking. Perhaps I should try that.

Yes definitely batch cook. Get loads of little tubs, cook a fish pie and then put it in portions in the tubs in the freezer. It can be a bit over whelming, but you'll get there. www.madeformums.com/baby/32-baby-puree-recipes/ this website saved me!!! And actually gave me some ideas to eat myself!!!

You can make a cheese and tomato sandwich for your baby too. Chop the tomato and cheese into tiny bits, and chop bread next to it - deconstructed sandwich for him to taste and explore. You can feed him soup with a spoon. Anything is better than nothing.

Also once a month try to make two difference pasta sauces (big batch) and freeze into ice cubes (bolognese/ cheese sauce) that way on bad days you can just boil pasta and defrost a portion and mix together - that way you both are fed well!

Also do you have any close friends or family members you can open up too? Maybe they can help out with batch cooking a food once a month for you. I know I would have happily helped out anyone around me if I knew they were struggling.

The reason I am so set on you feeding him is because I know you will feel better if he is fed. You wont feel so bad. Good luck xx

OK lunches. Slice of cheese and a quarter of bread is fine. Get some soft cheese in to spread. Make toast and peanut butter. Boil an egg. Half a banana. Do you have a microwave? Make porridge fingers in that. Fry up some eggy bread. Boil a handful of pasta and mix in some cheese. A couple of broccoli florets can be boiled, microwaved or fried. Same carrot. Parsnip. Or save some of your tea from the night before for babies lunch. Don't let yourself get so pickled up!

I really recommend the baby led weaning cookbook.

Don't let yourself get so pickled up!

@Indecisivelurcher you’re right, I think I’m really overthinking all of this.

Would you serve all those suggestions you mentioned as separate (and sometimes single ingredient) lunches? So carrot one day, parsnip another day, pasta and cheese the third day, banana the fourth day?

It's easily done! Personally I used to aim to offer 3 'chances to eat' a day, so you're giving them good exposure! But, these chances definitely don't have to be full blown meals. In fact that's really a wasted effort because it won't get eaten!

Then i would think about it more in terms of food groups, carbs, protein, fruit/veg. And make sure they're all getting covered in a day. Ish.

So for example eggy bread ticks carbs and protein, stick half a banana with it and you're sorted. Peanut butter on toast with a slice of pear. Pasta with chicken and broccoli. If you can't do them all together don't worry just cover those bases through the day.

The main thing is to offer something, anything, so you're giving that chance. Hopefully you will start to feel more confident then yourself!

If 3 chances is daunting or you cant fit it in your routine then start with 2.

I am having a horrid day today - literally for lunch I made DS a quick pizza - normal piece of white bread, added some tomato sauce and grated cheese on top. Cooked in the oven until the cheese melted on top. I chopped it into small pieces. It took 3 minutes to make and only mess was grater and DSs plate. :)
I chopped small cucumber sticks. So he had his veg, carb, fat and protein.
You don't have to cook a big meal at all! Look up ideas on quick fuss free lunches.

I hope you're feeling better OP. You're not alone

When my baby was your age, I was the opposite. I went to loads of classes & we were out and about all day (he slept in pram). Looking back though, it was too much and he definitely didn't need any of it. I'm expecting baby 2 and won't do half as much or anything really. Babies really don't need social interaction at that age. The classes are more for you, so if you don't enjoy them then don't go and don't feel bad about it either.

For weaning, its a slow process and takes time. Don't stress about it. I stressed way too much and worried about choking. Babies have a strong gag reflex, it is amazing what they can chew even with no teeth. It probably took 15 attempts before he would eat toast. Just keep offering a variety