Help! My 3.6 yo wont eat 'proper' food. Any advice?

[libralady]

My DS is 3.6 and we are having some serious issues around his eating. He wont eat anything I have spent time preparing which I consider to be 'proper' food. He will only consider eating if it is processed - chicken nuggets, onion rings, smiley faces (all baked - not fried). He wont eat roast chicken, or any meat for that matter (unless it is tinned sausages and beans). He wont even try things like home made macaroni cheese even though he'll eat it out of a tin. And trying to get him to eat fresh vegetables is also a nightmare.
A typical day's food for him is
Breakfast - cereal (weetabix, cheerios, porrige, rice krispies or cornflakes) with semi skimmed milk and NO sugar with a glass of fresh cranberry or apple juice. Sometimes he'll have toast with peanut butter or chocolate spread or sometimes a yoghurt.
Mid morning snack - Slices of apple or grapes with a glass of milk.
Lunch - Fish fingers, chicken nuggets, tinned macaroni cheese, tinned sausages and beans/spaghetti, cheese omelette, pizza with cheese and tomato (and ham if I can disguise it) some form of processed potato (smiley faces, curly fries, waffles, croquettes. The only veg he will eat is onion rings. He'll have water to drink with his lunch.
Supper - muffins, crumpets, bagels, cheese and crackers, pancakes, teacake, followed by a piece of homemade cake and a piece of fruit washed down with some milk.
I am at my wits end. We like to think that we eat healthily and have a varied and balanced diet. I like to prepare my own meals using fresh ingredients like spaghetti bolognese, lasagne, roast dinners, chops, home made soups etc and it is becoming like a battle ground where my son is concerned. Am I being paranoid? I have spoken to my HV and to be honest I have no faith in her whatsoever and she just says he will eat when he wants to. That is not the issue, the issue is trying to get him to eat the 'right' things. I want to get this sorted before he starts school next September. I have spoken to other parents at his pre-school and non seem to have any problems and that their children eat what the parents are. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My ds has never eaten soup - but they made some at nursery and were allowed to take it home in the takeaway coffee type cups - you know like Starbucks type. And he wolfed the lot! I'm sure if I put in a plate - he'd turn his nose up!

The thing is some children see food and eating food as a way of controlling their environment. A sort of way of rebelling - getting their own way. If they don't eat their food we don't take any toys away, they don't get put on the naughty step etc so they get away with it but they can respond to routine ie if they see it every day they get used to and finally (hopefully) give up and try the food.

bellaprincess

My son has had his toys taken away and he knows that if he is put on the naughty step because he has put some of his food on the floor, he does his three minutes, and then comes straight back t the table and his food is still there waiting for him.

Today I caught him putting his Thomas the Tank Engine videos in a black bin liner because he had been 'naughty' by refusing his dinner. He know the consequences, but it doesn't sink in.

It is hard when you keep trying different methods and they don't work, then suddenly one day it does work. I do feel for you because my daughter was and is to some extent the same as your son. With my daughter perseverance (sp?) worked in the end or she just got pissed off with me trying every trick in the book . I also think having her little sister sitting at the table with her and eating the same food and finishing her food. It is a kind of incentive I suppose. Is their any of your sons friends or relations who could come for lunch or tea?

libralady, this sounds like my boys diet. But since they go to nursrey 5 days a week and eat everything put in front of them I know they save this 'i don't like that' line for me and me alone.

They have got better recently, but still have a staple diet of pasta bolognese, fishfingers and chips, tuna sarnies or pizza.

They not hungry, they sleep well and they not fat or particularly badly behaved.

If they refuse what i cook they get nothing simple as....they are slowly learning that mummy will not weaken - but if i've had a long day i just cook em what they want and don't feel guilty!

Libralady, the food not touching anything is quite common in fussy eaters.

I wouldn't worry too much the lack of veg atm. My ds will only eat olives, raw carrots and sometimes semi-frozen peas. All separately, never mixed in a casserole or anything like that.

Tbh I'd try the reward system rather than the naughty step or taking his toys away. Praise the postive etc.

Also, he seems to like quite basic, plain food and the meals you make are pretty complex for a fussy eater.

Can you remember how and when he started being like this?

Mercy,
I do always praise the positive but I am just getting to my wits end now. I've just had a session with him now. As he didn't eat his dinner, he know he doesn't get a 'nice' tea. So he's just had some porridge (at least it's nutritious) and a cup of water. He spilt the water and has now refused to finish the bowl of porridge. I've taken it away and explained that there will be nothing else tonight and he couldn't care less! All I am getting is a load of back chat and a very negative mood. I praised him when he first started to eat the porridge as well.
With regards to complex meals, it's nothing he didn't have as a baby made by Heinz. It just seems that we just never progressed from the jar food era. I knew I should have prepared more food for him myself, but I'd gone back to work full time and just didn't have the time or energy at that point to be preparing endless meals for him at that stage. I know I've made a rod for my own back and I now feel I am failing as a mother because my son won't eat properly. My DH and I are TTC #2 but I am seriously wondering if I can't bring up one child properly why would I want another.

Jamie Oliver has a lot to answer for. I am so concerned that all my son will eat is processed food, and that he will get over weight and therefore be picked on at school and his concentration span will lapse and he'll get poor results and again be picked on. Sorry I am rabling, but you always inmagine the worst don't you.

I just want a happy contented and well fed child. Am I asking too much?

I give my ds a multi vitamin in the mornings - so that I'm not too stressed about his intake. But he does notice - his poos get a bit harder if he's had a day of eating rubbish eg if we've had friends and kids over and I can't be bothered to cook properly. So it's another tactic to get him to eat healthily - I just remind him of hard poos!

Libralady - take a deep breath....sigh out. Repeat after me - he is eating something, he won't starve, I must stop noticing/hanging around/pursing my lips when he's eating/not eating. I must not look 'bovverd' by his eating at all. RELAX. NOW - feeding your child heinz meals will not set them up for lifetime of McDonalds, it does not make you a bad mum, it does not mean that you shouldn't have more - it means that you care about your child and that you think it's all your fault....as we all do - it;s normal! The only thing that having more than 1 has taught me is that you live and learn........you do the same with them all but they;re all completely different. My ds was a seriously fussy eater after being bf and 'non baby-jars ever'. He was fussy until he had school dinners and then just started to eat more stuff - still not great but likes veg about as much as my dh does! My dd1 hates meat, loves veg and dd2 will only eat sausages, bread and brocolli - nothing different, just different children. Seriously - relax.

Sorry - meant to say that I never served food as a punishment or reward if I could help it - food is just food - nothing more. Plan the week's menu and keep to it - offer healthy food but not all the time - try to make the unhealthy food better - homemade chips for instance (chop potato, sprinkle oil, cook!), if it's refused, never mind.(and really, really DON'T mind!!)

Libra, please don't get upset or blame yourself . You have done nothing wrong.

I've been through all with my ds. Lain awake at nights because I'm worried that his physical or mental development has been impaired, had rows with dh, dread every meal time etc etc.

3senough is right. Please don't make it into an issue for yourself or your ds. Easier said than done, I know. Oh yes, bollocks to Jamie Oliver I say!

Have to go and do dinner now (hahaha!) but will be around later.

I had a similar situation, so I gradually mixed the processed food in with "real" food:

Mix a bit of homemade macaroni cheese with the tinned and he may not notice, especially if you serve it with baked beans or ketchup.

I got my DS to eat roast chicken by frying little pieces so they were crispy - he loved them. Then gradually fry them less and less each time.

Pile grated cheese or baked beans on a jacket potato - he may eat a bit of the potato. Also pile grated cheese on pasta shapes.

Make home made hamburgers and serve in a bun with potato wedges.

Eat a small plate of food with him and he may want to copy you. Also, let him make his own food like sandwiches. If he likes carrot sticks why don't you try a dip like hummous. Also if he likes salty food try smoked salmon.

Try not to worry - I can't believe that my DS now eats meat, eggs etc when it used to be just fish fingers. He really changed when he was 4. It sounds like your DS has quite a varied diet at the moment so I wouldn't worry.

Great idea frankie3
I'll give anything a go.

can you make homemade chicken goujons, burgers, pizzas, turkey twizzlers, chicken kievs etc so its still stuff he likes but good for him?

also what about things like sweetcorn or courgette fritters and pumpkin or sweet potato wedges. so he thinks they are unhealthy but they aren't.

potato cakes
hash browns
waffles
fish cakes
cheesy flapjack

would he something like chicken fajitas or quesadillas? they are quite snacky.

would he eat savoury pancakes or omelettes. say with just cheese in them? or cheese and beans?

or what about pasta with cheese in it and ketchup?

Wow nappyaddict,
You've really given me some food for thought - please excuse the pun!
I'm afraid he won't even try ketchup - don't now if that is good or bad considereing all the additives and preservatives in it.

But I'll certainly give the homemade goujons etc a go.

Thanks

would he eat pesto? thats quite salty tasting.

pasta and cheese and pesto?

Just don't give him processed food. EVER.

For new foods - kiss it, lick it, nibble it.

Keep mealtimes light, don't make an issue of 'trying' something new. If he expresses a strong dislike, shrug your shoulders, smile and cheerily tell him just to leave it.

I found that DS1 adopts a 'backed into a corner' attitude with new foods. He quite likes to leave it on the plate and try it when no-one else is around.

At 3.6 he's still young enough to be tricked. DS1 for instance is easily fooled into eating my home made veggie/pasta sauce if I grind extra pepper into it and tell him it's pesto.

My eldest is a fussy eater. I think some of it is about control and some of it is that he has very heightened tastebuds and really doesn't like the taste of a lot of food. He is 6 now and I let him eat the restricted diet of the things I know he likes and I relish the thought that later on in life he will come home and say "Mum I just tried ... and it is really delicious. Why didn't you give me that when I was little ? It's not fair !" and I will smile inside and think "YES !!!"

When he was younger I obsessed about it and it started to spoil our time together so I made a conscious effort to put the issue to one side.

If it is more about control than disliking tastes of food or being unwilling to try new stuff you may find that letting him have more control of other stuff in his life means he relaxes a bit around food.

Good luck