3 months flying Solo with our 7 month old

[Whatelsecouldibecalled]

My Juana has just deployed with the military for his job for 3 months. We have a 7 month old baby. DH has been very hands on since DS was born and does all his equal share of the house etc. I’m feeling very nervous about him being away and it just being me and DS and how we will cope.

Please can I have your top tips for coping? Practical as well as emotional?

Will DS know he is gone? This is the bit that breaks my heart. He loves his Daddy so much. How do I explain he will be back? We will try to FaceTime as much as possible.

I know there are lots of single parents out there and I take my hat of to you but for us right now this is huge.

Any tips, advice or even kind words welcome!

My Juana is obviously my husband 😳

I’ve done it for the first year of D.C. life with 2 older also. H away for 2 yrs with 2mth rotations. Of course not during covid/lockdowns. You’ll find you will just get on with it. It was easier for me as I was in charge and knew it was just me to rely on. I’d did maybe 2 activités a week, park and baby group. I’m ok with my own company though so perhaps that made it easier.

You can do it, honest!

I am one of those single parents of a 7 month old (thanks for the hat tip!) and some things I'd suggest are:

Coming up with a scheme for where to put the baby down safely is key - I'm sure you already have this to a large extent, but you may need to extend it a bit to cover activities where previously your husband would have had the baby while you did them. So, for example, when I take a shower, I take the baby in his bouncy chair into the bathroom with me. Generally, just plan on carting the baby about to hang out while you do stuff.

I definitely had a few tasks that took some figuring out. If your husband hasn't left yet, crack on and practice the things you aren't sure how to do, so you can figure them out ahead of time. If he has, not to worry, you'll manage!

Simplify, simplify, simplify. Does a task really need to be done? Really really? Ironing, for example, doesn't. Ditch it for now. Drop your domestic standards a bit while you get to grips with everything. Focus on loved, fed and clean.

Make extra portions and freeze or refrigerate them, to minimise how often you need to cook. Also, figure out stuff you can make really fast (hello, pasta with pesto and some broccoli). For a couple of months my 'fridge salad bar' (make one new thing a day in rotation, takes like ten minutes) saved me!

Get everything ready ahead of time before you start key baby-related things (like a bath, or a meal) - there isn't someone else who can pop to the bathroom and grab a flannel, or whatever. Have it all set up like a surgeon!

If you have a baby who will sleep in his cot/nap not on you, hurrah! Get stuff done while he's asleep. But even if you don't (waves!) you'll still be able to get done the things you need to do. Remember, this stuff is just as interesting and stimulating to babies as 'an activity', because they're babies and everything is new.

Basically, all this is just stuff everyone does with a baby, and I'm sure you already do, too - it's just dialled up a bit. You can absolutely do this - go mama!

@Persipan thank you so much. Great advice.

He left this morning so we’re in the thick of it!

I’ve got tea in the slow cooker that I did before waking the baby. We’ve got a plan for the day. Need to sort food shop out but plan on doing click and collect and as many meals in slow cooker that I can!

I had a stint on my own when my wee one was younger than your son, plus some shorter stints with daddy home pretty much just to sleep, but perhaps some of this will still be useful for you. I second Persipan on the bouncy chair in the bathroom (actually I second pretty much everything Persipan said, and second your hats off to single parents). Our bouncy chair also went in the garden, although you may not be pegging out washing as often in November. I had somewhere to put baby in every room, with different ‘toys’ in each (mostly not actual toys, random baby-safe household items that she happened to like).

There will be good days when you can get a fair bit done, and days where loved, fed, and (reasonably) clean for both of you is an achievement. Embrace the good days, and don’t feel guilty about the difficult ones. I counted it as a good day if I did one thing that didn’t need to be done again tomorrow, bonus points if it didn’t need to be done again next week. And if it’s a lovely sunny day, there is nothing on your to do list that is more important than getting out for a walk together (obvious exceptions for doctor’s appointments and the like).

If you do find you need to go round the supermarket/run other errands, you may find baby quite enjoys it, lots of different things to see, lots of people to wave at him.

Mentally, the hardest thing for me was the lack of a break, although with an older baby, this might be a little bit easier, especially if he’s a good sleeper. (If he’s the exact opposite of a good sleeper and you don’t already, consider looking into how to co-sleep safely.) Can you form a support bubble, a childcare bubble, or both? ‘Childcare’ doesn’t have to be very substantial to make a lot of difference. If covid rules allow and someone is willing to take the baby for a walk once a week, take them up on it (and perhaps be better than I was about following the instructions to sit down, drink a cup of tea, and take a few minutes for yourself as well as getting on with chores). I also tried to keep one toy/activity that she loved in reserve for those times when I really, really needed a break or something absolutely urgently needed doing.

You will find your rhythm.

My Dh travelled a huge amount in DD's first 18 months starting at six weeks.
On top of what pp have said I found that getting ready at night for the following day really helpful.
I would prep my coffee in a cup and cover so I only needed to add milk and hot water. I pre-made oats in batches so I could just scoop it out. Likewise sandwiches prepped and in the freezer for emergency meals when it all falls apart. A bowl of hard boiled eggs and a container of vege sticks was also on standby, prepped twice a week. All things that can be eaten one handed if you get desperate!
Basically anything that would cover my essential needs so I could still focus on DD even when we had a rough day was prepared as much as possible the night before.
When DD was ill I would even prep the syringes of pamol, gladwrapped in a glass next to my bed. It meant I could grab one and get straight to her without leaving her crying while I faffed around sorting it out.

Having regular phone chats with friends was also essential as I found the loneliness quite hard when DH was away.
Accept there will be hard days but know that you can get though it, even if you are just focusing on getting through ten minutes at a time.
It can seem daunting but you've got this!

How was day 1, OP? Hope it went well!

@Persipan went well thank you! Little tear in the shower but the babe didn’t see! He actually slept well for him too. Only two wake ups!