did anyone REFUSE to put their child into nursery until 4?

[vannah]

Because Im beginning to think there is something really wrong with me!
DS has just turned 2 and since he was 18 months everyone is asking me whether he's in nursery yet or not. All of the other mums here where I live have done so.

???

He goes to toddler groups (with me) and other social activities, but no, I havent left him at a nursery. And dont plan to.
Really confused here. Worst of all, Ive worked as a teacher in primary schools for over 14 years and always assumed that children entered nursery at the age of 4, then onto reception at 5.

My son is exceptionally clingy (he stays with my mother 2 days a week when I work) and is devastated when I leave. I cant imagine it getting better this year, not even when he is 3. I can however, imagine it being easier for him -if only slightly- when he is 4.

any thoughts?
thankyou

I know, I get that a lot too.

I don't really have any plans for nursery at all. Maybe a part-time playgroup at 3 or 4? Formal education is too early at 5 IMO.

It is up to you.
My ds1 went to playschool when he was 2y9m for 1 2.5 hour session, uped to 2 sessions when he turned 3 and then 4 sessions at 3y3m (because he loved it and I had a new baby).
ds2 won't be going until he is about 2y9m either (the local pre-school takes them from 2.5, but that will fall in the summer hols for him) and probably only 1 session at first.
If he has just turned 2 (ie since 1 Sep) then he will be nearly 5 when he goes to school - but some kids are only just 4 (ie the late august ones) when they start.
It might be easier for you to start easing him into a session earlier rather than later - but you know him best, and if you don't think it is the right thing - or you don't want to because you are doing fun things at home - then do what you want to do.

Hi I have the same dilemma, I relly don't want to send my 2yr old to nursery but everyone I speak to wants to know when he's starting, my friend had the cheek to say I was selfish for not sending him, as he is missing out, anyone would think I was a recluse, the opposite infact we are always doing something together or at a mum +tots group or park etc he has older siblings too but I think they get institutonalized (sorry cant spell!) to soon already! sorry rant over!!lol I think you should send him whenever you think is right.

Don't do it if you don't want to, Vannah, although you may find it hard to find same-age children for your son to socialise with otherwise (they are all shunted off to nursery by 3!). I think people are too eager about this too, sometimes -- but then again, some children are truly ready for preschool by 2.5yo and others don't seem ready, but benefit hugely once they settle. Also, sometimes children are due to start school only a few months after they turn 4, so it's good if they have a bit of practice time away from you before school.

And I always think it's fair enough if parents send child in just because parents NEED a bit of time away from a clingy child, too, and can't get that time any other way.

Me!

DS just was not ready and was much happier at home. WE went to playgroup twice a week and a pre school music class.

When he eventually went for 5 mornings, he was 2 weeks off turning 4 and loved it. Didn't look back and ran in waving and smiling.

Meanwhile a lot if the other children who'd been going since 2, were still screaming and crying when their parents left.

Dd however is a different kind of child and I'll be happy to let hre go to nursery a couple of mornings when she turns 3.

They are not missing out on anything, if they're already going to a toddler group for example. A pre school year is more than adequate preparation, although tbh I'd rather they were older still when they started school.

You know your child best,you know if he's ready or not.

My Ds will be 4 in December,up until a few weeks ago I knew he wasn't ready to go to nursery,he's always been a clingy and a needy child so have kept him with me.

Over the past few weeks tho he's been less needy,if you know what I mean,and been more interested in playing with other children,whereas he wasn't before.I took him to see the nursery at the start of term(Sep) and he's even started mentioning nursery so after half term he'll start going.I've spoken to the nursery workers and they've suggested he starts going for an hour at first and that I stay with him.

Go with your instinct

I'm waiting until DS is 3 , he is however June birthday so will be only one year in pre-school and then will go to reception when he is 4 and a bit (so young)
no rush at all in my opinion
i get loads of pressure from the ILs

DD is 2.6 and I have no plans to send her to nursery. I am also unconvinced about the necessity of pre-school and reception (but then I am considering home schooling anyway). I must get asked by everyone I know at least once a week when DD is going to nursery. My answer is that I don't need to send her so I'm not going to. I don't understand the whole 'send them away asap' mentality tbh.

ds started playgroup 3 mornings the month before he was 3. We did try earlier on but he hated it so stopped. DD1 is completely different and have ha da taster of her in a creche one morning a week while doing a course and she loves it so we are looking at her starting a playgroup 1 or 2 morning when she turns 2.

Ds1 and dd both went at 2.5 - they were both really ready, and needed the extra social interaction. They are also summer birthdays, so both started reception shortly after they turned 4 (dd was 4 and 3 weeks when she started reception), and having been to playgroup really really helped them - I don't think they would have coped with reception otherwise tbh.

why do you think it will be "easier" when he's 4?

great to read these replies! Im not alone. Phew!!!

My ds started Nursery school last month aged 3.7 - he didn't like toddler group or anything like that. He has settled in really well and has even made a couple of friends .

dd was the opposite, much more sociable.

I had my first two children in the 70's when people didn't send children to nursery (if they went at all!) until they were at least 3yo. Because we moved several times ds1 probaly had less than a year of nursery before starting school, where he had no problems settling in. Ds2 had a couple of years of 3x a week morning nursery, also no problems.

Dd1, born in 1987, went to nursery from the term before she was 3 and, looking back, I think she hated every minute of it. She didn't really enjoy school until she was P3/4. Dd2 started at 3, didn't like it so I withdrew her until she was 3.5, when she then settled immediately.

I think you know your child best and you don't have to do what everyone else does.

He has only just turned two. Can't you just wait and see? I would not make an enormous fuss because in 3 months or 6 months or 1 year, you or him (or both) might be desperate for a break from one another and nursery might be just the answer, and you might regret having made such an anti nursery school stand. Do what you feel is best for now but keep it under review.... and NEVER say never.

Sometimes you can't easily just "wait and see" because the 'best' nurseries get booked up many months in advance. Around here you usually have to register by May-June to have sessions at all during the whole of the next academic year in most of the preschools. Otherwise choices are limited to an expensive private nursery with restrictive hours, or the preschool that got an unsatisfactory Ofsted report last year -- which incidentally is where DS happily attends and has learnt many things, b4 you all think I'm a snob. But obviously not the ideal 1st choice in most people's minds.

dd2 has just this week started nursery aged 4, she goes 4 mornings a week 9-12.

dd1 now 5 never went, due to her shyness and clingyness.

I've had people telling me for years to send them but never felt any pressure to do it. they are my girls and i know what's best for them, as do you with your ds.

we have always gone to toddler groups and church, so there has never been a problem with social interaction.

like mummymagic i too believe that 5 is too young for formal education. i am home-schooling my girls and loving it.

i originally had no plans whatsoever for nursery but dd1 and dd2 are so different. dd1 can learn stuff all day without getting tired. dd2's limit is about 10 mins and then she ends up playing on her own. she is such a sociable, outgoing child that i thought she might benefit from it. she has only been going for a week and loves it.

DS1 was incredibly clingy, he had been in nursery from 11months old for 3 days a week but we moved and I became a sahm when he was 16 month. The clingyness got worse because of the move.

I attended parent and toddler groups and he would not leave my side. We decided it was best to put him back into nursery for 1 day a week when he was 19 months. It was the making of him, time away from me, integrating with other children and discpline from someone other than me, DH and Grandparents. He is now 4 and just started school, he went to preschool frm 3.3 years old 5 mornings a week.

DS2 is a completely different child, at parent and toddler he is off and running around so I don't feel the need to send him to a nursery.

When you leave him at your Mum's there is no real distraction, in a nursery there is lots going on, lots of children to play with, lots of different activities etc so it could be very different, but at some stage he will have to be away from you.

If you are not happy to put him in a nursery then I wouldn't. Just because other Mums do it it doesn't mean you should. Every child is different.

It doesn't cost anything to register your child for a place at a state nursery. If, when you are offered a place, you don't want to take it up, just let them know.