How many tantrums/meltdowns does your 3 year old have a day?

[yellowandgrey]

My 3 year old has such huge and violent emotional meltdowns every day. I've tried so many different approaches from a time out, to a calm space for him when he feels overwhelmed, quietly sitting with him, to being stern when he lashes out, talking through feelings/emotions and reading a book with him to teach him about his feelings etc. His speech is really good and he can tell me how he's feeling and what he needs, he seems to eat enough, his sleep is pretty good on the whole too so I don't think it's that he's really tired either. He has a 6 month old sibling, that has definitely made things harder for him but he's always been quite ??sensitive??. I did sort of put it down to just being a toddler and "terrible 2s" but it's just so intense and unpredictable. Otherwise, I have no concerns for him at all, he can be a kind, loving and gentle little boy who is incredibly sociable and bright. It's just that he seems to fly off the handle at very little and very intensely. Maybe it is perfectly normal behaviour for his age and I'm just overwhelmed and need a little break but I see him with children his age/slightly younger and older and they seem so much more calm and regulated compared to him.
I'm aware I should speak to my health visitor if I'm worried but it's quite hard to have a proper conversation over the phone when there's two small children in the background. He also starts nursery in a few months and I've sort of been holding out that maybe he just needs more stimulation than I can give him at home and it might be the best thing for him. I just want some advice so I can do the best thing for him. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of such a young person but I'm struggling with it

Tantrums are normal unfortunately. Al

I read a good book by Phillippa Perry - The book You Wish Your Parents had Read - which changed how I view tantrums.

I have 4 children, one with autism. My eldest with autism used to have huge emotional outburst but has calmed down hugely now at age 12. My 9 year old still has occasional tantrums!

They don’t have great control over their emotions at a young age.

Stick with the work on his emotions.
Philippa Perry's book is very good.
Don't punish, tell off, ignore or be harsh. You don't have to give in to behaviour but you can allow him the space to have his feelings.

Non freaking stop. Turned three a few weeks back and has moved from the terrible twos to the tantrumming threes. I think there's just a lot for them to digest at this age and it results in meltdowns galore. Nursery helps because he loves it and because I get a break, but it doesn't change the amount of tantrums we get the rest of the time!

About 602.

We also have a 5 and 6 year old and they get a bit irritated. Even though they were the same not long ago! All improves at 4. Hang in there

Thank you everyone! I expect him to have tantrums but I've just been worried that it might be more than just that when they're so frequent and intense. At least I know I'm not on my own though! I'll definitely try the book, I've done a lot of reading about validating their emotions especially during tantrums and it definitely seems to help him. I think it's just hard to see him be so upset when it's so physical for him and it's exhausting for us all

Totally normal! Some kids are just more emotional than others I think? Still waiting for my daughter to grow out of them age 4!

My 8 year old still has occasional tantrums but they are becoming less frequent. Plenty of adults fly of the handle about things - its no always easy to manage your emotions - all we can do is keep teaching children what the appropriate response is and hope it sinks in eventually.

You are not alone, my otherwise lovely 3 year old can be an utter nightmare. He's a bit Jekyll and Hyde. I haven't read the book PPs have recommended but might try it. I recommend the book "how to talk so little kids will listen" and the website/blog ahaparenting.com. No magic solutions but some helpful stuff.

My 2 year old is lovely and bubbly but can lose his shit at the slightest inconvenience. He wanted to put his singing bus in the bath and I said no so he threw it at me. I’ve heard Why Toddlers Are Arseholes and The Dutch Way of Parenting books are good

My son is the exact same!! It sounds like we're talking about the same child. I have a 4 month old daughter at home too so I totally get it that it's difficult to manage both and tantrums on top/extreme emotions. I used to teach primary school children so we followed The Incredible Years programme (Webster Stratton) it's amazing and very good tips with behaviour etc online. I've tried 100% to follow the same at home but it's so difficult as he sees through it...typical!! I give him basic 2 choices 'now & then' but still doesn't work with him. He'll also be starting nursery in January so i'm hoping he'll be stimulated enough there and will be more calm at home.
Personally, both me and my husband worked from home through the first lockdown and had to let our son get 'his own way' a lot do we could work and I still think it's the effect of this. I see toddlers similar age behave more calmly and surprise surprise their parents didn't have to work through lockdown so the had 100% more time for their toddlers.

I’ve lost count.

My threenager is also very intense and reactive. We get a lots a tears and tantrums along with frowny looks. Has he read the colour monster? Mine has been doing about it at nursery and we got it at home too. It helps them label and put colours on their emotions. It’s really helped my DS and us when he’s struggling with his feelings. My husband would dispute this though especially after going to Asda and DS wailing that his daddy makes him feel so blue because he wouldn’t buy him a whole chicken and a ladies fur jacket.

They’re just really intense and passionate at this age. We don’t get it right either, sometimes I send him for thinking time to defuse a bit and then we talk about it and validate his feelings (which mostly helps), other times I ignore, there are times where I’ve shouted and tantrummed back. On the whole DS is a happy, social, loving, and hilarious little guy so I try not to worry too much.

It sounds like you're doing a very good job and all that hard work will pay off as these early years are crucial for development, that's how I try to see past these tantrums and strong feelings x

Hey @yellowandgrey how did this turn out in the end? Same situation for us. 3 hours of extream tantrums a day. Don’t know what to do. I do everything “right” but nothing is helping. Can’t cope anymore