what do you do when you don't get support from dh when you're dealing with an awkard teenager?

[choxanwine]

Living with a 14 yr old ds is difficult enough without having a useless dh not giving you the support you need at critical times. Most conflicts with ds are relatively minor (thankfully) but usually blow up out of all proportion when I get dh involved - which is when I'm exasperated and expect him to pick up where I've left off, ie "why haven't you done what Mum has told you three times - NOW DO IT") No - instead he'll come along and go back to square one with the asking nicely bit - never mind that I've already told ds THREE times to do something. Also, he's totally different with dd (12)- he doesn't hesitate to make it clear that he's angry that she hasn't done what I've asked or done something she shouldn't. I lost it with him on Sunday and when I'd calmed down yesterday I spelt out (AGAIN) why I was so livid. I'm still waiting for an intelligent response.... Am I being unreasonable???

I have dtws of nearly 14, DH lets DS get away with murder. I had to have a quiet little chat with him (DH) about the dch liking to see a wedge between us, it's a power thing for them, and that he needs to back me up so we show a united front. (This is from a parenting book) Tbh, I think it's because he's tired & can't stand confontation. but, anyway next time I told DS to go to bed & he appealed to DH, DH backed me up!!

So try again, get him on his own & quietly explain. (Then if that doesn't work, beat him round the head with a wet haddock...and DS too!!)Good luck!

Thanks Stepford. I have tried to explain calmly and I have tried the wet haddock method (metaphorically speaking) and neither seems to work (I really think the main problem is between dh and me - something fundamentally wrong with our relationship to start with which makes everything else even worse. I am often on the verge of throwing in the towel....