Daughter wants to move in with dad.

[Weir1]

I'm a recently separated mum. I have two girls 7 and 9 and my youngest has just said she wants to live with her dad. Now reasonable me is like ok but the other me is gutted and so upset. I've done everything for both girls and I mean everything. All things bought for them are from me. I work my butt off in a job I dislike so I can be home with them. My ex doesn't. I had to force him to spend time with them yesterday evening and he spent 30 min playing guess who so yes of course he's now super dad. Now our break up was and ok breakup so no hard feelings there. Just feel heart broken. My days start at 5:30am and finish at 9:30pm so I can do as much for them the house and my job as I can. Hes being forced to take the girls tonight as he's off tomorrow but that was a battle. Yet he's so amazing let's live with him.

I’d be so upset too op. My biggest fear is the Disney dad factor. They so often have more money ect too because of pay and full time work they’re able to do as we provide childcare.

I’m hoping my daughter wants to stay with me but I’m sure she’ll sway that way maybe one day.

She probably just misses him, which is understandable, and thinks if she lives with him she will get to see him all the time like she does you.
At 7, she probably hasn't given the reality a second thought and it probably hasn't occurred to her that he won't totally rearrange his life to make that possible.

I know. She sees this amazing man at the moment for 1 evening and I'm the mean mummy who tells them to go to bed and go to school. The annoying thing is even if he was here she would hardly see him anyway. His shifts have changed but before then he would come in when they were heading to bed and make himself tea then watch TV. I actually think they may see more of him like this .

Love bomb op...
Remember everything with young dc is a phase...
At 7 she really has no idea who he is has she??

that must feel so hurtful, but hard as it is please remeber op at 7 she has no idea how much work you put in to make her life good, all she sees is that you tell her the things she needs to do, help out, do homework etc. All the things she needs to learn!

Maybe arrange for her to stay with him for a few days and see if she comes around? He will not change his lazy habits as you well know, but maybe she needs to realise how much she misses you.
Although this should be done sensitively, and with no criticism.

Good luck op she will appreciate all thet you do for her at some point.

I know she has no clue which is fine I don't expect her too. If she is interested in moving with him I'd absolutely support her and be there whenever she needs me. I just need to get over the shock I think. I just want her to be happy.

Don't rise to it. She has no idea what she's asking and it doesn't sound in her best interests. Would it even be possible?

I suggest you show no upset reaction to this in front of her, or you're opening yourself up to a lifetime of "if you won't let me, I'll go and live with dad then"

Until she says such a thing in secondary school - unlikely given the sounds of him - ignore and put it out of your mind op...

Does he want her to live with him? I'd be more concerned about the damage to her if he a) says no or b) says no and blames it on you.

I think it's quite normal for children to want to swap - he's her dad, she's 7, of course she wants to live with him. I'd start with ramping up contact time.

Oh I'm so sorry I'm a single parent too and I worry about this
I think other people will probably have better advice than me
Hope it goes your way

So sorry OP. In your place I would be really upset too though reading your description of both I suspect that neither would last out longer than a couple of days - if that. Why not suggest to DD that she stays with him for a week to see how she gets on? He may say no run for the hills in which case problem sorted or she may be on the phone asking to come back after a couple of nights. Sometimes people have to go through something to learn and this way you won't be the bossy bad guy. (And yes, in your position I'm not sure whether I could do this in practice.) Good luck to all of you 💐💐

Unless she keeps bringing it up I wouldn't take it any more seriously than wanting to live with her best friend. She had fun and wants to repeat it, I doubt she's even considered the reality of not living with you.

Is he willing to have her? As he might not actually want to so the option wont be on the table