Coming to terms with not having another baby

[Hayleyisblonde]

Hi
I have 2 children - Dd 4 and ds almost 2. Up until very recently I have felt very content with having just the two of them. I frequently told friends and family that I was definitely done having children.
However, my feelings have recently changed and I have started to have a real pining for a third child. My husband has always said he would like 3 children, but now says it would stretch our finances too far. I agree with him that things would be tight - I would have to give up my job as we couldn't afford the childcare etc. But it hasn't changed how I feel.

I am not going to try and change his mind as I couldn't imagine anything worse than forcing someone I love to have another child when they don't want one. But I would really like to know how anyone else has come to terms with the end of having babies. I feel like its hit me hard and I'm quite emotional about it. I looked forward to getting pregnant and having babies most of my adult life, and I'm so sad that that part is now over. How do I come to terms with this? Does this sadness go away or will I have to learn to live with it?
Thank you

I honestly think many women feel the same and you get over it in the same way we get over anything. You just keep on keeping on and as time passes it hurts less.

For me I have to keep remembering that actually it’s the baby that I’m pining for as mine get older (similar ages), not another child. When I think past that wonderful baby stage and really think about the extra work involved in having a third would bring I realise I don’t actually want one.

I get it. I was feeling the same a little.

For me taking time to think about why I desired a new baby and then remembering the reality of a new baby helped. I found I was focusing on all the lovely things about newborns ...like cuddles while feeding, doing sensory play, maternity leave and baby groups etc. However when I take of the rose tinted glasses I remember how awful I felt after the many nights with little sleep, how hard it was to do simple things like shop, how little time I had to myself etc.

For me I also found thinking about all the lovely things about my life now and in the future, that would be harder with a baby, helped. For example this year I took my 4 and 6 year old off to the beach loads by myself. It was so easy because they both are toilet trained, know not to eat sand etc. Had I had a little baby too that would have been either impossible or at least way more difficult:

I think I am helped by the fact that my older child is quite demanding of my time. I already stress I can’t give him the amount of one to one he needs so that helps prevent too much thought Of another baby.

I totally how you are feeling OP. And yes, it does lessen with time as a PP said. Sending you a hug.

@Readysetcake

For me I have to keep remembering that actually it’s the baby that I’m pining for as mine get older (similar ages), not another child. When I think past that wonderful baby stage and really think about the extra work involved in having a third would bring I realise I don’t actually want one.

That’s exactly it. For me it’s the pregnancy I’m pining for abs not even the baby lol 🤣