Did childcare change your baby's personality?

[Peridotty]

I am going back to uni in January for three days a week, leaving my baby with my husband at home. He will be a SAHD for 3 months.

After that she will need a nanny or daycare which fills me with dread!!! She is such a happy smiley baby (fine with strangers) and I am so scared that daycare or not being around me will change her sweet personality. I'm worried that if I am not there, she might get into accidents or get bitten or hit by other babies. She also cries really bad if I am not there to send her off to sleep.

I have the option to extend my maternity leave until she is 13 months old, but my husband doesn't think it's a good idea as it means renting for longer and I would forget my schoolwork.

Did any of your babies come to harm in childcare or was it actually great?

In addition, is it possible to look after a baby whilst working full time at home? My husband WFH permanently. I will be at uni 3 full days a week.

I don't think nursery can change a babies personality - though it will bring other parts of them out if it's the first time they are socialising with other kids (learning to share, etc)

It's totally normal to worry about what happens at nursery when you're not there - but all I can say is find a nursery you trust. They know what they're doing and how to deal with all of those situations. (It also could end up being your DD that bites, too remember!)

Technically it's possible to watch baby while wfh (millions of us did it during the first lockdown). But it's definitely not ideal for you, your employer or baby. And as baby becomes a toddler they need even more attention.

Both my children’s personalities have remained the same while at nursery.

A nanny and daycare are very different options. Most nannies will only be looking after your child, unless they are bringing one of their own children too. It sometimes happens that you get incident forms from nursery because they took a tumble, but that kind of thing can happen at home too.

If you attempt looking after your baby while working you will probably end up completely exhausted and not being able to focus. Especially once the baby is on the move, climbing and wanting interaction.

I found a childminder more reassuring when my first child was under 3. I found one that I liked and felt would look after my baby in the way I would have done myself and it was easier to leave him.

Have done nursery with DC2 and am also happy but he's 2yo, and we're living in a very child friendly country, I'm not sure I'd be as happy with nursery care in the UK. However I didn't look around many nurseries so I might have a totally false idea! It will be tricky at the moment if they aren't allowing visits but I'd always recommend contacting several so that you get an idea about what is out there and how they differ.

Thanks for your replies!
Which is better? A nanny shared with another family or a daycare that has 3 teachers to 7 babies ratio. The daycare is bilingual immersion with everything done in a foreign language as I want her to learn another language.

My DS goes to a bilingual nursery and it's great albeit he doesn't say any words in English or the other language of the nursery! I know there are lots of advantages to a bilingual nursery but at such a young age, there much of a muchness really and it was far more important to me to have a good feel for the place and trust the staff. I think it's also incredibly hard to say whether childcare will change their personality. I don't think it does at all but they're at the age when they change so much anyway that it will inevitably have some impact on that but it's not necessarily a bad thing.

It will be such a personal choice to pick between a nanny or nursery. And cost - as nannies tend to be more expensive.

Personally I like that my DC1 went to nursery and have an opportunity to interact with lots of other children. I think he's learned more in that setting than he would with a 1-2-1 nanny.

But it absolutely comes down to trusting the people you're entrusting your child to. Call them all up, ask if they're doing any tours still (some are doing weekend tours so you can at least go inside), ask all the questions you could possibly ask.

I've always worked from home doing fairly flexible work. I currently have an 11 month old, who I look after during the day. Husband usually takes over to do her dinner and bath from 5 to give me an hour or so or work time plus a little family time, then I get her to sleep and we have dinner. Usually that would leave about 3 or 4 hours for me to get more work done, but with teething and other issues that doesn't always happen! I get very little time for myself and I cannot work full time hours unless I work at the weekend too, but it was important to me to look after her ourselves when she was little.

My DD went to nursery at 10 months as I went back to work, she is now almost 2 and I can clearly tell that being at nursery has been so good for her. She loves going, her speech is coming on so well and she learns so much there such as sharing with other children, waiting for her turn on the slide etc, they do so much messy play and painting which means I don’t need to do it at home. I wouldn’t change it for the world, as much as I would love to have her with me everyday I need to work and she is clearly happy at nursery.

I prefer nursery. DS started at 10 months and was cruising and had started to babble and say a few words. A month later he’s now clearly saying short sentences like mama more or dada no etc. He also recognises books by their cover now which he didn’t before (his key worker makes him pick books and he has his favourites). He’s also become a lot more curious about how things work.

His tantrums have also become worse because they tend to operate a baby led approach to play whereas I prefer to structure it, but you can’t have everything!

Not really no, the initial transition to anything new causes disruption and they can be unsettled, more clingy, disrupted sleep, etc. This includes your partner taking over primary duties if it's mostly been you until now. They can also be really tired after a busy day in childcare. But no, the only really effects I've seen long term were much more social, more outgoing and confident, more keen to play with friends, etc. Both of mine have started from 9 months and it's been lovely for them.

I found my DD learned so much from nursery, however also picked up bad habits. We had to become stricter in some aspects as she was repeating phrases she had clearly heard at nursery and things like biting, pushing, not sharing maybe sooner than she would have if she had not gone. This may or may not be a bad thing but just something from experience.

Overall I’m glad she goes she has got so much out of it

I have no ideas as I presumed as DS was growing then he would be changing anyway I only saw nursery as a positive and there was no need for my son to be velcroed to us 24/7 he was a possession, he got to interact with other kids and adults and wrapping him in cotton wool would not benefit him