Calling all introvert parents of extrovert children

[MrsDaisy2]

How do you cope? My youngest is so outgoing and confident and always on the go. She exhausts me, I constantly feel over stimulated and my mental health is suffering.

She is 5. I also have two teens, and a full time job. I often worry that she has adhd but she is calm at school, which leads me to believe it's just her personality. She's amazing in many ways, just so loud and demanding. I'm the opposite, love peace and my own company. I naively assumed my off spring would be of a similar nature. I got that wrong!

Advice/support/empathy needed.

Empathy from me. My 7 year old sounds the same as your DC and I’m often at breaking point so have a handhold from me and I’m hoping someone comes along with advice!

@Givemeabreakpls thank you. I'm not even sure advice will help. It's just nice to know I'm not alone. Dd is so extreme. I'm hoping she'll calm down as she gets older. I often think, maybe she isn't the problem, and I am. I just feel so over stimulated.

Oh god I don't think mine are extroverts necessarily, but fuck me I'm struggling.

The chatter is endless, they need stuff all the time. I'm so tired and it doesn't end.

I bribed mine with chocolate to stay quiet for 15 minutes today. I don't know what's worse the inane taking or the mum guilt.

Isolation has been hard!

It’s hard. Both of my children are so sociable and I’m not. My youngest’s energy levels are always high. I tire him out as much as I can but it’s always full on and loud. Do you have support and/or a partner? Sometimes a break is the only thing that helps.

What were the older two like at that age?

I guess it's the downside of having children when you just want a quiet life.

Same here. DS is incredibly sociable, extrovert and confident. ADORES being the centre of attention, dancing at the drop of a hat, makes friends everywhere, etc. I'd rather just blend in!

I'm jealous of him and exhausted at the same time.

@knackersknockersknickers oh yes, isolation has been so demanding. I suppose I'm lucky as my older children are 8-10 years older, so they're no problem, they're moody and quiet, much like me!

@Pinkchocolate we literally exercise her like a puppy! It really helps. On the odd day she doesn't get out, her sleep is poor and she clearly struggles to burn off energy, she's nearly 6 though, I thought it'd be easier by now. I have a Dh, he is struggling with her hyperactivity too. I WFH and she constantly demands me, it's so draining.

My 6 year old dd is so outgoing and chatty, completely different to me!
In many ways I am glad though - I was super shy as a child and struggled socially. I didn't want that for her. But she is amazing, she has always been so charming and good at speaking to people even at a very young age. I remember whenever we went to the library when she was pre-school age she would make a new friend. Actually I have made adult friends myself through her!
The endless chatter is exhausting, but she amazes me every day.

My DD (15) was outgoing from a toddler onwards and I'm a quieter personality - I sometimes found it hard to do all the group activities when she was younger and a parent needed to be there. I didn't always want to hang out with a group, but she did!

It's got much easier now she's older and can do things independently. We're the main "hang out" house for her friends (only her two best friends right now of course) and I just need to say "hello" and make sure everyone has a lift home. I don't need to entertain them!

I'm just glad she makes friends easily, it's better than being lonely or socially awkward.

Hi, my youngest daughter is the same. Her brothers are quiet like me.
I put her into dance class twice a week & a drama class & a choir😀She gets so much enjoyment from the classes & releases her extrovert nature there🤣I know everything is online now due to covid but it still occupies her. She’s 8 now & sometimes the constant chatter wears me down but I can say “go practice your song/poem/dance routine” & get a break! I’m also amazed at her confidence level & enthusiasm to make new friends. I’m so shy & hate to be the centre of attention. She loves life so much, it is a joy to watch but can be overwhelming at times.

I guess it's the downside of having children when you just want a quiet life.

It's not a very charitable thing to have said, but i do agree. I often wonder how people who say they find spending lots of time with other people difficult or wearing expect to manage when they have children!

I couldn't think of a better way to say it @Ohalrightthen, but having children does take you out of your comfort zone.

I remember the first time I walked into a room full of new mums and babies, and everyone else seemed to know each other. It's very daunting.

My husband is an extrovert, one of our kids is. The other two like me, are introvert. Youngest son, who has ASD, is a verbal processor though (and so am I) so people are often surprised to learn it.

My Dad was the most introverty-introvert ever (and quite proud of it). As part of his work, he had access to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, was qualified to administer and interpret them. So it was a thing we talked about as a family from when I was quite little. When DH and I were at Uni we went on a retreat where the MBTI was administered as part of the learning and found we were opposite on all four scales. We were recommended to have pre-marital counselling if we ever considered getting married. We didn’t do that, but it was a useful tool for understanding why we found one another’s approach to life absolutely mystifying at times.

OP, while I sympathise, you really need to stop talking about your dd's personality as a problem that needs to be fixed so she can fit in with you.

What you can do quite legitimately, is to tell her now and then that you can't entertain her just then, or that she needs to keep her voice down because mummy is working.

But as for her personality, she is under no obligation to be you: the world needs outgoing people too, and children need parents who celebrate who they are, not wish that they were different.

Think of the wfh situation as the problem here, not your dd. It is putting stress on you all and no wonder. No doubt it is stressful for your dd too, not getting the social stimulation her personality type needs.

Same here, introvert with a very extrovert dd 13. In general I'm just in complete awe of her ability to engage with people, I think she's brilliant. She is old enough now to understand we have different needs and she tries to give me space if I'm struggling and I really try to give her the attention she needs. Lockdown was hard because I was the only person on the receiving end of her need to share every single thought in her head. Aaaarrrrgh.

My DD is the same, she wakes up singing and chatting whereas I am like a zombie! I love her personality and love how much she loves life but sometimes wish she would stop talking for 5 mins

I can empathize too. How do I cope? Well she does entertain the younger children so I appreciate her for that, and she is good to chat to sometimes and fun too when I'm in the mood. So appreciation for the good. Also threats for the bad like no phone time when she drones on and on with no filter or brain engagement and makes annoying noises and twitches aka tiktok dances in my face after being asked not to.

gets better as they get older! 7 is a different world compared to age 5.

And lots of exercise too as previous posters!

I have a fiery, confrontational DD of 12, whereas I avoid confrontations at all costs. That’s pretty stressful at times.

Yep me too. DD is so confident and headstrong and I'm not! I've gotten better at making small talk with other parents though and always go on long walks to tire her out. Will be starting dancing and swimming when can which will be a different ball game!