How would you handle these situations with a 5 year old?

[MyCatReallyIsAGit]

I’m curious as to how other people handle the following kinds of situations with their DCs and looking for inspiration!

DS1 is 5. DC2 was born at the beginning of the year. The combination of this, plus Covid (and knock-on effects of lockdown such as missing out on a large chunk of reception, sudden decrease in time spent with extended family who are not local, etc) has unsurprisingly rocked his little world. We are struggling with his behaviour at the moment, and I’m curious as to how others handle the following types of situation:

• attention-seeking. Both positive (“will you do this with me?”) and negative (eg standing on the baby’s toys or doing stuff he knows we will pick him up on. We do our best to spend quality time with him, and to let him lead/choose the activity. But however much time we spend with him, it is never enough.

• being obsessive about certain games/toys. These are all things that require our active participation, eg board games. We are in a cycle of him becoming obsessive about particular games or activities. How do other people handle obsessions? Do you place or agree limits, or allow the obsession to run its course?

• stropping/whining/shouting/“it’s not fair!”/teenager-isms. Can be triggered by - why, breathing.

Any ideas welcome! I’d be really interested to hear how others have handled these issues.

I have a 4 yrs old and a 1 year old.

• will you do this with me, I would say yes and do it or I would love to to do it with you just as soon and I do X with the baby and then make sure you do it.
• standing on a toy or other non dangerous attention seeking is ignored

• obsessed with a game. Just grin an bare it. Maybe buy him a few new similar toys to give you a break from it

-shouting. We had this. I cracked one day and said I can’t understand you when you are shouting like a baby. I will listen to you when you talk like a big girl. It worked.

Following as my almost 5 year old is like this, except for the obsessing about games bit.

He can be terrible for attention seeking, like your DS both good and bad.

And the back chat/attitude/rudeness!

I don't have the answers I'm afraid but hopefully others do.

One thing I read to combat the back chat which I've found is helpful - if the objective is achieved, just ignore it. So if you say bath time, and he says yuck I hate baths etc etc, but stomps upstairs to have his bath, let it go. The objective was for him to have a bath, and that'll be achieved!

Interesting! We are trying very hard to provide as much positive attention as possible and ignore anything which isn’t going to hurt anyone or break anything. But the defiance is getting me down - if you say “you can set your cars up anywhere but not this bit of floor”, you can guarantee that’s where he’ll set them up.

And oh God, yes, the back chat! Good point about focusing on the objective though.

At the moment, I just say in a very matter of fact tone that I can’t understand him when he whines, etc. I occasionally mimic him, which he finds quite funny sometimes.

What is starting to really grate is that he seems to be losing the art of independent play, and just whines constantly for games. We play with him happily - DP will play with him for hours - but it’s never enough. Then he moans he’s bored. It is getting to the point where we can’t spend a full afternoon in the house without a row if he’s in a particular mood and it’s really wearing. Throw a teething, unpredictable-napping, very mobile 9 month old into the mix and - well, you’ll understand why my chocolate consumption has gone through the roof.

Aw Op honestly I feel your pain. I think a big part of it is the sibling thing - your DS has you both all to himself for a while. My DS definitely started behaving badly when DC2 was born, DC2 is 20 months now and the jealousy is still there a lot of the time.

And my DS doesn't play independently either. He seemed mildly better since starting school (he is in reception) and would potter with his toys on the weekends, but all half term he's been very needy and whiny in the way your DS is.

Not much advice at all, but solidarity!