mom caught on vidoe tape abusing child

[threeangels]

Hi All, Ive been following this case of the mother who was caught on a surveillance camera in a dept store parking lot. She has had a number of interviews and I'm curious for those who have seen this what your opinion is of what they should do to her and her child. The tape is so sad and everytime I see it which seems to be all day long I get so upset. Its not something you normally see.

Hi threeangels, I don't think they have shown the tape in the UK, I haven't seen it, but I did see an article in the paper about it. They have arrested her haven't they? From what I read, it sounds like the lady in question needs to go on an anger management/parenting course. I don't know many details though, thats just based on the tiny article I read.

threeangels
I caught sight of it on the news, but it was a very brief report that they were looking for her. Can you tell us more? she had two kids in the car, I think, and was hitting one of them?

Hi Jessi - The women in all her articles has been so terribly apologetic and remorseful. She did say it was so wrong for what she did and wished she could go back. She also said she wants to enroll in an anger management course, which is good. At least she is acknowledging what she did and is willing to do what ever she needs to do to help the situation.

Hi Copper - That day she only had her 4 yr old dd with her. Apparently she was frustrated in the store and walked out to the suv and the tape caught her looking to her right to see if anyone was looking and then she started hitting and smacking her dd. She also was videod pulling her dd's ponytails and punching her in the head. This tape was really sad to watch. She did turn herself in and they put the dd in a foster home for now. The mom is having a hearing today to see what will happen to her. 3 yrs in prison, parole, or what ever they decide. She seems to be very frightened for her ddbecause she wants her to be with her family members people she knows. They are keeping her with the foster care for now. There was no excuse for her behavior but she seems to love her child so much. I just dont understand why she did this. She said she just snapped because her dd was not being good in the store. Still there is no excuse. Above all I think before her mom gets her back (if she does) she defanatly needs a parenting class.

I saw it on SKY whilst at the gym, couldnt quite work out what I was seeing at the time, it was so horrendous. It was the fact that she was hitting, hitting, hitting, and didnt seem to stop, it wasnt just a wallop, it was AWFUL. They said if she did that in a public car park, what does she find acceptable in her own home.

It certainly wont be the first time she has done it, and who can be certain it will be her last.

Saw this last night on the news. She really is hitting that poor little girl sooo hard.

Agree totally Ems. Thats the bad part. Who knows what really goes on at home. My dh said he did not beleive her when she said she has only done spanking at home and never this horrible. I too feel she has done this type of thing at home. But I cant say 100%. The one thing that bugged me is that they were calmly walking in the lot to the car and she paused at the car to make sure someone wasnt looking. It was like she planned to do this before she even left the store. Quite dissturbing. She did say she would seperate from her husband if they would give the child back to the dad. They dont know if they want to at this time mainly because the entire family protected her wherabouts for a while until she came back on her own. When they ask her what Martha was like she said only neg stuff. I thought that was odd. She said Martha is like the boss of the family. She likes to be the mother and tell people what to do. Other stuff too but cant remember.

The little girl was examined and was fine both mentally and physically - so she couldn't have hit her that hard or there would have been physical bruises. I am quite against smacking children, but also feel that parents have the right to bring their children up the way they want to without interference from the state, unless they were acting unlawfully. No-one can say what goes on in this child's home, but it's no good speculating, you cannot put a child into care just because you think it may be being abused. As far as I'm concerned this video proves nothing.

Have none of you been so wound up by your child in a public place that you have quietly seethed until you got your child out of public view and then disciplined them? You may have only shouted, some of you may have smacked, but wouldn't you be horrified if that was caught on video and your child then taken away? Everyone snaps at some point and I will be very surprised if no-one here has not disciplined their child in a way they later regretted. I know I have! I lose my temper quite often and sometimes I have screamed, slammed doors, plonked my dd in the other room quite harshly and left her there, sworn, etc. But none of this makes me a bad mother, because what others do not see is the majority of the times when we are playing together, snuggling, making cakes, picking herbs from the garden, etc. Everyone has their bad sides. I try my very best to control my temper, which I inherited from my mother.

I think we should all look at our own parenting skills before we cast judgement on others.

Rhubarb-I think there's a big difference between a rant and physically lashing out at a child. I've seen the tape and it is shockibg, she punches the child, and wallops her repeatedly, we're not talking about a moment of fury and a slap in the face. Also the little girl is only a toddler. And no, I have never "lost it" in front of my kids/laid a finger on any of them. I've walked out of the room, banged a door and referred to my kids as "little bastards"-well out of earshot. That woman was completely out of control, and I too cannot believe the child has not been abused before. Interesting to hear that the mother was so negative about the little girl.

Agree with your post Rhubarb, BUT you obviously havent seen the video, I have never seen such abuse on a poor little child. It was sickening, horrible.

She most definitely crossed the line on that one.

All I can say about it is that the mother herself said she knows she lost control and didnt realise how bad she was with losing control until she saw herself in the video. Now these are the own mothers words. She was horrified afterwards on what she did. Ive seen her talk on many different interviews.

That's my point Threeangles - she was horrified wasn't she? I'm sure if I saw a video of myself losing it from time to time I would be horrified too. For the record I have seen people hit children, but more for effect than to hurt them. I am not condoning what she has done but it is possible to appear to really punch a child, when all you are doing is punching their jacket, it is a scaring technique and I've seen it loads of times. It's not something I personally would do, but then I would never smoke in front of my child, or get drunk, or swear, or have sex, take drugs, etc etc. I can believe this woman when she says it was a one-off. As we don't know we have to take her word for it and the fact that the little girl showed no signs of abuse at all.

That video being shown around the world would have been punishment enough for her, can you imagine what she is going through now? They should not have shown her face, if only to protect her child.

Rhubarb, you've seen people repeatedly punch, shake and hit a child and thought that it was none of your business? Also, have you never had bruises that don't show up immediately? As for showing the video, my understanding was that the woman went on the run briefly when she was warned that social services were going to investigate.

Having just got back from the US where I saw the video, does anyone else think you never actually se her hitting the child? You see her put the child inthe car and the all the actions of hitting but not the actual contact. I'm not saying that she didn't hit the girl - she's admitted this herself - but from what I saw it's impossible to judge what contact there actually was.

Had she been beaten with the force as it appears on the video, there would have been massive bruises - I believe the child was examined a week after the event so any late bruises would have appeared by then and any old bruises would have still been visible? Also, if this was a public display of what usually went on at home, would there not have been evidence of old injuries?

As I understand it, only the mother's attourney had seen ths child so I guess any comments from this would ba biased though.

Please note that I'm not defending her - she definiely looks furtive on the video.

Thank you Soupdragon! That is what I was trying to say but obviously not very good. I would interfere of course if I saw anyone 'punch, shake and hit a child', not counting harrassed mothers in supermarkets! (joke!) But I haven't, however I have seen plenty of incidents that Soupdragon describes, lots of arm movements but no contact.

And where do you draw the line? If you saw a child being slapped in the supermarket would you intervene? Take the child into care? I've seen a mother treat her son very harshy in Church! She shakes him roughly (he's about 2), grabs his arms and looks at him with this horribly contorted face, when the poor little mite has hardly done anything wrong! I did smile at him once and got such a filthy look in return, I wonder why she's at Church at all? Should I intervene there or is it none of my business? I would guess the latter. I feel sorry for him but I cannot inflict my style of parenting on him just because I feel that his mother is in the wrong. She might think I'm too laid back with mine.

I just think we should be careful in judging. The video showed a couple of seconds of someone's life and we are judging them based on that? As SoupDragon and I have tried to point out, you never actually see her hands come into contact with the child. And for the record, this is exactly what my mum used to do with me, hair pulling, shaking, hitting, screaming, etc. Should I have been placed into care perhaps?

For the record I don't believe in corporal punishment.

If my mother had been caught on tape doing some of the things she used to do to me as a child I would have been taken into care no doubt. But it would have done me more harm. I have 5 brothers and sisters and we all used to look out for each other, if I had been taken away from them I would have been devestated and the impact on my life would have been huge. As it happens, although I seem to have inherited her temper, which I'm working on, I like to think that I turned out rather well. I would much rather see this woman go to parenting skills and anger management, than to lose her child, which is punishing the child much more than the mother I feel.

What I thought was the strangest thing is she and her family are suppose to be part of a group called the "Travelers". I dont know much about it but just that they move every 6 months to a new location and new employment in any state. They never stay in one location and they said they are treated very differently then other people. Anyone ever heard of this type of group of people?

Soupdragon, Rhubarb, I did see the video and thought the same thing. I don't defend her actions but she was slapping away ( for AGES ) with the flat of her hand and at one point you could see the kid sort of dart about inside the car. It did occur to me that not much active hitting was going on.
I was regularly hit hard as a child (no more than any other child I knew , growing up in Scotland oin the 60s)and would have been taken into care by today' s standards. I'm not defending the hitting but to have been taken from my loving parents would have been a nightmare.

I have just read through this thread and find myself torn in these arguments. I find the fact that the woman looked around her first to check no one was looking very suspicious. It sounds to me that it wasn't a spur of the moment 'losing the plot' thing but more of a 'just wait until I get my hands on you' thing. Then again, just today I was trying to take an important call and DS was being a real pain despite having a video on and some nice lunch etc I didn't tell him off when I was on the phone but as soon as I put the phone down I really told him off - didn't smack him but did make him cry - I didn't think 'oh don't let this man hear me tell him off' I just was very cross and had to let ds know that.
I agree that people have to be really careful about acusing people of abuse as there are children who are put into care unnecessarily but what about those poor children whose plights are ignored by the social services until it is too late? I am desperately trying to remember her name but the little 8 year old girl from Nigeria who was killed by her aunt and her aunt's boyfriend? That case was just awful.
So at what point do you intervene?