Struggling with mum guilt from this morning

[becallo]

My 4.5 year old son has been in a bad mood this morning and so have I! He’s been constantly swinging off my body and climbing all over me and I’ve been keeping my cool and just riding it out with gentle reminders for him to please not do that. My 1 year old has also been in a bad mood and I’m 24 weeks pregnant so not a great combo! Anyway my son wanted something and decided to swing his arms around my neck and repeat his question over and over in my face, and then he slowly slid off my neck and from the couch onto the floor. I knew there was toys on the floor and I did nothing to stop him landing on them as I was totally overwhelmed and annoyed and felt like perhaps if he landed on those toys it would teach him to stop jumping about all over me and not watch what he’s doing. Well he landed on a toy animal and cried that it hurt his back and why hadn’t I told him there was toys on the floor. I apologised to him and checked he was okay, and now I feel awful about it. I didn’t directly cause him harm but I knew those toys were there and let him land on them anyway because I was annoyed and felt that he should have looked what he was doing, how awful does this make me? Because I feel really awful and depressed right now.

You're not awful. Kids are bloody annoying sometimes. Cut yourself some slack, you're human and you have a lot on your plate right now!

Your not awful at all. You sound like you have you hands full And was overwhelmed. He’s okay so don’t worry. Don’t beat yourself up over it xx

Oh that sounds like a hard morning and similar to my life 2-3 years ago.

You’re not awful. He was swinging about being silly and hurt himself. It’s not like he was falling into a fire or off a 40ft bridge...he fell on some toys. I don’t really think you should have apologised. You could have helped him feel better but apologising seems like it was your fault and it clearly wasn’t. I think you’re being way too hard on yourself.

It’s totally reasonable to find being climbed on constantly, especially when pregnant, annoying. My son used to do that a lot to me and I found I got frustrated and ended up getting angry because of the constant invading of my space was triggering.

Could you introduce a rule for him that he can do rough play with someone but he needs to ask them first if it’s ok. So maybe his dad could do some rough and tumble play with him, and make a big deal about them both checking at the beginning that they both want to do rough and tumble play. Then if he tries climbing on/over your at other times stop him repeatedly and remind him no rough and tumble if the other person doesn’t want it. You could offer a big squeeze or a cuddle instead. Maybe also make a big deal about checking things like that with him (eg is ok to do a tickle fight etc) so you model respecting bodily boundaries for him.

I normally guilt myself a lot but honestly I don’t think it’s helpful. Just adds stress in the long run. I think it’s ok to have boundaries for yourself so long as your children get what they need. Your not a climbing frame, your a person.

Sorry that ended up being a rant. Just what you wrote resonated with how I felt when my children were 2 and 4. I found getting firmer with how they treated me/my body helped a lot and stopped me getting so annoyed.

He did something you told him not to do and was very mildly hurt in the process. I would not have apologised.

In fact, while apologising can be a very good thing when you have really messed up, I would not make it my default position every time he gets upset. Getting used to blaming you won't make him happier. If you have told him gently once not to do something, I think you need to be firmer next time.

with gentle reminders for him to please not do that

Oh dear!

You need to perfect your schoolmarm glare and a deep, firm "no!" And "stop it now!"

Toys - meh natural consequences! He'll live

I wouldn’t feel remotely guilty about that. He’s old enough to look where he’s going and he was mucking about. As above, hurting himself was a natural consequence and maybe he’ll think about where he’s dropping next time. It’s not like he actually injured himself. I’m obviously really cruel because I wouldn’t have even apologised, I’d have told him that it was his own fault and his responsibility to look where he’s falling.

Be kinder to yourself please, you are not terrible just tired and pissed off. Id also agree wholeheartedly with everything that @corythatwas just wrote above.