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Parenting

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Original poster

Parents of older children - advice please!

22 replies

theUrbanDevil · 15/10/2007 09:48

my godchildren are coming to stay for a week next month while my bf is in hospital having their baby brother! they are 9 and 10, and at primary school.

what are your routines for after school etc? i was thinking that after i get them in from school, give them half an hour to chill/have a snack/get changed etc then sit down and do homework. or would it be better to do homework straight away and then chill? how much homework do 9 and 10 year olds get anyway?

also - would it be awful if i offered them a little incentive? i was thinking of giving them a maximum of £5 to earn over the week, if they do the tasks they're meant to, ie get ready in the morning with no fuss (as dh will be dropping them off on his way to work) go to bed at allotted time (and what is a good time for bedtime?) and not "forgetting" things like book bags etc so they have to come home?

anyway, any advice is welcome! TIA!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Doodledootoo · 15/10/2007 09:56

Message withdrawn

lilospell · 15/10/2007 09:56

I'd ask your friend about her DC's current routines and try to stick closely to that, so that when your friend comes home with new baby she doesn't have to deal with "Aunty UrbanDevil let us do x, y and z".
Would also agree the incentive idea with your friend too.
She's lucky to have someone putting so much thought into looking after her DCs, but would recommend OKing your ideas out with her first.

Cammelia · 15/10/2007 09:57

Those are perfect plans tehUrbanDevil

And a medal for you for being such a good friend

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sKerryMum · 15/10/2007 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 15/10/2007 10:01

the odd treat just for being away from mum wouldn't go amiss

find out what time their bed time is at the moment, then give them an extra quarter of an hour... don't forget that they may need a bit more settling as they are away from home.

Definitely let them chill for a bit before homework - and give them a snack while they are chilling - they will have used loads of energy at school and will probably need a little pick-me-up.

Original poster

theUrbanDevil · 15/10/2007 10:11

the rouble is (dare i say it?) at the moment the kids have very little routine. they're often at the pub till quite late with their mum (she works there!), and she lets them do a lot of stuff that i wouldn't (like letting them play out when it's still dark, that kind of thing) i want it to be clear to them that while they're staying at my house it'll be my rules and my routines, but i want it to be as nice as it can be for all of us. i know that she approves of the incentive idea as i came up with it with her, and she thinks that if adults go to work for money, then why should kids be expected to tow the party line for nothing?

at the moment, they're not usually in bed till late (10 o clock kind of thing) and consequently my friend often moans to me about how much of a nightmare they are in the morning! i was thinking, maybe they go in their room (they're sharing while they're here) and play on games console/laptop till half 7, then read till they're sleepy? i think they're old enough to put themselves to bed. or am i asking for disaster?

OP posts:

Cammelia · 15/10/2007 10:13

I doubt very much whether they will be able to sleep before 8:30

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 15/10/2007 10:14

tis a problem, but if they normally stay up till 10, you are going to have a real battle to get them to go to bed at 7 - even if it's to play on their games console.

How about you send them up at 7, but they can come down again at 8.30 to get into their jamas, have a glass of milk and a biscuit before going to bed properly at 9?

isgrassgreener · 15/10/2007 10:27

If they are used to staying up and doing what they want, they may need a bit of help with the getting to bed bit, rather than expecting them to do it themselves.
I would do a bath at 7.30 and into pj's, then they can go into the bedroom at 8pm with lights off by 8.30.
You may want to read to them, I still read to my 10 & 7 year old, we read things like Alex Ryder books and I read a chapter a night, (only takes 10 mins) then they read by themselves till lights out.
I dont' let them do computer, playstaion after the bath as it makes them too alert.
I do let them stay up a bit later at weekends, but have to be strict in the week, as they get up early.
Re homework, I tend to let them come in have a snack and a bit of downtime, then homework, then tea and then a play before the bath bit.

Original poster

theUrbanDevil · 15/10/2007 10:28

that's a good idea Squonk. i've been in the pub of evening with her (minus my ds, i hasten to add ) when the kids have been practically dead on their feet with tiredness. the little girl (9) has fallen asleep on my lap just because she could no longer keep upright! i could be being arrogant but i do feel they could benefit from a little routine in their lives, and i think my friend could find it useful if they go back home in a good routine of homework, dinner, bath, bed.

not that i'm a great espouser of routine, but i think in this case it could help!

OP posts:

Original poster

theUrbanDevil · 15/10/2007 10:33

ok - so how does this sound?

4pm ish, get in from school
4:30-5pm, chill with a snack.
5-6, homework
6:30, tea (bearing in mind i'm going to have to put my ds to bed at some point in between)
7pm, chill time
7:30, bathtime
8pm, chill to bed.
9-10ish, sleep

or is that just unrealistic?

OP posts:

GrapefruitMoon · 15/10/2007 10:36

I think if they are used to staying up late you will need to be prepared for them not going to sleep any earlier for you, at the start of the week at least. My dd (10) goes to bed by 8 most nights but reads for quite a while - if I haven't remembered to go up and put out her light she will often be still awake at 9.30-10 when i go up myself (and doesn't seem to suffer in the mornings).

I'd aim to get them to go up to their bedroom at the same time as yours but let them read, etc quietly until they get sleepy for an hour or so afterwards.

GrapefruitMoon · 15/10/2007 10:37

Sorry just saw your ds goes to bed early - yes I think what you have planned sounds fine...

Original poster

theUrbanDevil · 15/10/2007 11:01

Grapefruit - my ds will be 10mo, and is in a good bedtime routine of bath at about 6 then bed at some point between half 6 and 7.

i also think it will be good for them to get some idea of what living with a baby will be like (ie, knowing that i'll flay them alive if they're noisy going up to bed and wake ds! )

OP posts:

GrapefruitMoon · 15/10/2007 11:05

Yes and presumably their mum won't be working at the pub for a while once the baby arrives - so she may appreciate them getting into a routine of going to bed earlier

magnolia74 · 15/10/2007 11:11

My twins are 8 and dd1 is 12 and none of them get an hour of homework every night so we do extra reading and spellings on the nights when there isn't homework or it's only 20 minutes worth

I personally think 10pm is way to late for 9-10 year olds but they probably won't agree So if at all possible aim to have lights out by 9ish.
You are a great friend for doing this.

Do you want my lot soon??

fullmoonfiend · 15/10/2007 11:18

my eldest is 10 in decembr and he cannot go to sleep before 9pm. We have a 'quiet time' in your room half hour leeway though.

2 nights a week he comes downstairs and watches The Restaurant with me until 9pm and then to bed.

Your plans sound great. My ds usually has 3 elements of homework per week. He has the choice wether to do it all in one fell swoop or do a bit every other night.

Be prepared for them to eat more than you can humanly imagine though....

lilospell · 15/10/2007 11:21

Was going to ask the same question, Magnolia!
My DD is (just)10 and lights out time is 8:30, so try to get her in her room reading by 8. Agree with other posters, they will need lots of wind down time ahead of bedtime especially as they aren't used to going to bed so early. Your routine sounds spot on. Try it for a few days and see how it goes, adjust if necessary. As sKerryMum suggests, some children are better doing their homework as soon as they get it. Others need to chill out a bit first. Look forward to hearing how it goes!

MaryAnnSingletomb · 15/10/2007 11:22

ds is ten - comes in from school,changes and has a drink and maybe a small snack and does homework straight away.
Not sure about incentives thing - m ight be best to ask your friend before offering bribes !

juuule · 15/10/2007 12:36

I wouldn't do the incentives thing. I would expect them get ready in the morning with no fuss and at least try to remember their bookbags etc.
If you want to treat them at the end of the week then that's a nice gesture and up to you. But I wouldn't use it as a bribe.
Each night I'd ask them whether they have any homework to do and ask if they needed any help.
I'd also tell them at the beginning of the week what you expect of them and let them know you expect them to follow this so that you can all get along well together. I would also be prepared to be a bit flexible with them.
Once all that's been said and done everyone can be nice to each other

Original poster

theUrbanDevil · 15/10/2007 19:59

juuule - the incentive thing would work out so they had a maximum of £1 a day to earn (5 days in a school week, no incentives on the weekend because they can just chill, lie in etc) so they would start the day with £1. failure to have stuff ready (or whatever) would result in deduction of 10 or 20p. messing around when it's time to get in the car and go would result in another deduction of 10p. and so on. i'll do a chart so we can tick off things that they've done together, and at the end of the day they can see how they've done. then they start again the next day with another £1. another friend uses this scheme with her two and it works really well!

the food thing is something else - my friend tells me dgd is very fussy and won't eat, but she's always eaten well for me. she's a very meat and 2 veg kinda gal, whereas her brother likes more exotic things, but will eat meat and 2. who should compromise? should i ask her to at least try something like lasagne or a mild curry? they do get a hot meal at school so it's not a disaster if they just have a toastie or something at tea time...

OP posts:

juuule · 15/10/2007 22:35

I think you might be stressing a bit too much about this.
If it's not a big deal about the meals then just go with whatever is easiest. If they'll both eat meat + 2veg then go with that. Or the toasties if they prefer. No point making problems. After all it's only a week.
As for the incentives. If that's what you want to do, fine. I just don't like it and wouldn't do it. I think the children would view staying at your house as something different and a treat anyway. A week isn't really long enough for them to get settled in and start trying it on if that's what they are like. I would think they would like to please you anyway and to bribe them to be 'good' is a bit insulting as though they wouldn't/couldn't behave in a nice way without being paid to do it. Giving them the money at the end of the week regardless is a nice way of saying you enjoyed their company.
Just my take on it. Feel free to ignore

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