Potty training - persevere or not?

[Hardbackwriter]

DS is 2y4m and we started potty training on Saturday. Sunday and yesterday he had not a single accident and was taking himself off to the potty to both wee and poo BUT this was while naked from the waist down. Today we put loose trousers but no pants on and every time has been an accident - he hasn't successfully used the potty or told us he needs to once - and he's also increasingly angry about being asked if he needs the potty. I thought he was making amazing progress but now I'm wondering if he's not ready and so we should stop - I don't want to upset him? I've been told by multiple people that we should just wait until 3/3.5/nearer 4 (which seems a bit risky to me, he will go to school when he's just turned 4!) as it'll be so much easier then so I was already doubting myself a bit on whether he really was as ready as I thought he was. Am I being silly to push it at this point?

Honestly, I think it's best if you don't have an end date in mind and then you don't pressure yourself or your toddler. Pressure just creates stress and isn't good for potty training. My friend is all for them leading the way and just let's them decide. With my little boy I'd let him leadbthe way completely I knew I'd be waiting a long time! So we met in the middle. I planted ideas and gave him rewards and he eventually followed suite. I too wanted him trained before my second was born, but he was too young and I had quite a difficult pregnancy towards the end when I would have trained him. He was 2 years and 2 months when my second was born. Then I didn't want to train him straight away whilst he was getting used to new baby. I had it in my head that I wanted him trained by 2.5 and I put too much pressure on myself (and consequently him) I realised that this wasn't any good. The fact that he was going 20 times a day was an obvious sign he wasn't ready. I thought it would be ages, that there was clearly something wrong with his bladder. But when we stayed agon the next time he was weeing 12 times a day and then when we finally put him in pants 6/7/8 times a day. They do suddenly just get it. I thought it would be damaging to stop and start, but it wasn't at all.

Pirate Pete potty training book is good, there's also a little potty training video on youtube too.

My DD took a while to get the hang of it with clothes on v naked. She was 2.5. Like a good week. But it was lockdown and I had nothing else to do so we persevered. It was also a second attempt for us. The first attempt she also did great for a few days, but then it became a power struggle and it just wasn’t worth it so we gave up and waited a few months.

I’d just put him back in nappies ( which you have!) and then just don’t push it. Maybe switch to pull ups and encourage him to use the toilet, especially before bedtime and bath etc. But no pressure. He might suddenly decide he wants to do it in a few weeks or you might be potty training when you’re on maternity leave. He will get there!

And yes a newly potty trained child is more of a pain than one in nappies in my opinion.

I found day 3 to be the worst with both my sons. First couple if days were great, 3rd day, awful.

I would make sure you are not asking him if he needs to go, but telling him "its time to try for a wee" doesnt matter if you cant, just have a try. Ds2 is 4 in Feb, has been potty trained over a year, and will still say no if I actually ask him if he needs to then 5 minutes late is doing the desperate weewee dance.

If he's had all those successes while naked, I really recommend persisting and trying the "Oh Crap" book. Some of my friends in this situation waited or put their toddlers back into nappies because it seemed easier for the moment, and then wound up in a real battle with a stubborn preschooler later on.

Well, too late to persist now! I think we need to leave it a little while before trying again so he's not too confused, but also I think we have some time - he's not yet quite 2 and 4 months, so even with all the Oh Crap 'all is lost if you don't do it by 30 months' then Christmas would still be ok... I've actually now read the Oh Crap book and a) it was basically what we're doing and b) either he wasn't ready and progress is normally quicker or I don't see how it's possible if you work? She says a long weekend is fine, we had five days and he wasn't anywhere near ready to go to nursery without a nappy.

I don't know, like so many things to do with parenting people seem in such opposing camps - 'it must be done by 2.5 and with a cold turkey method' vs 'leave it later and casually and it's loads easier for everyone' and I know a lot more people in real life in the latter category. I don't want to leave it too late but I also don't want to make it stressful or to make him anxious against it, but it's hard not to when you feel like you're against the clock?

It’s because there’s no easy answer and it depends on the child.

People who potty trained early and had success will swear it’s because they did it early.

People who potty train early and it doesn’t work out will swear the child wasn’t ready

People who leave it till later and didn’t try early and have success will swear it’s because they waited till the child was older

People who left it till later and didn’t try early and struggle will say it’s because they left it too late.

Really, it’s down to the individual child and you’ll never really know how much age or “readiness” had on their journey.

I potty trained my DS at 18 months. I did this for two reasons 1) We had the Easter break and it seemed like a good time and 2) I had a friend who was still struggling to potty train her 4 year old and swore it’s because she left it too late and didn’t persist.

We had a funny potty training journey with DS. He wasn’t really showing any signs of readiness before we started (hence why I’m sceptical about how vital these are), we just thought we’d give it a go and simply stop if it was a disaster. He certainly didn’t click perfectly overnight and it took a while before he actively told us he needed the toilet, he needed help to manipulate his clothes etc, and yeah there were some accidents. But equally he was doing so well at holding his bladder for up to 2 hours at a time that his nursery felt it was a shame to stop so we powered through. No, he wasn’t accident free in a week but I think it was right for him. That said, I’ll probably wait a bit later with my second child until he has the language burst (DS had it at 20 months) as that would have been helpful.

My friend’s child did eventually get there, but was still unreliable for a year after they ditched nappies, even though she was 4. We don’t know why, she just found potty training hard despite being a bright little girl. My poor friend is now stressing out that her (now 5 yr old) daughter just simply cannot stay dry overnight. My DS randomly went completely dry overnight just before his 3rd birthday, with no input from me at all. He literally wet the bed once, on his second nappy free night, and never again. Personally I believe overnight dryness is hormone controlled and my DS just happened to be ready and my friend’s daughter will get there in her own time. My point is, we don’t know why my DS potty trained early and my friend’s DD late and we never really will.

Anyway, this is a very long winded way of saying that there’s no one answer and you just have to do what you think best based on how you feel and your child feels. Don’t panic over the 30 month thing, even if you ‘miss it’, I doubt your child will be going to university in nappies. They all get it in the end. I probably would have persevered a bit longer, but the fact you feel relieved about going back to nappies shows it was probably the right choice for you. It’s difficult to support your child properly if you’re finding it stressful, so taking a break was likely a good thing.

Deep breath OP, you’ll all get there in the end. Just trust your instinct and don’t worry too much what the books say.

Honestly, that 30 months thing is bullshit! Yes, my toddler developed resistance to the potty l, so we stopped and started again. He's absolutely fine now. He tells me when he needs a wee sometimes or does a jiggle. My friends daughter was trained using the o crap method pretty early on, but I saw her have two accidents in one morning at 2 years and 10 months, about 10 months after she was trained! According to my friend she is still resistant to going sometimes.
Seriously, just find your own way, wing it if you have to, do what works for you and your child. That bloody woman with her 30 month thing does nothing but unnecessarily stress parent and consequently child. As I said before l, don't put a timescale on it, it makes everything stressful, that will hamper potty training, not how old your kid is!! I think she has an agenda to be honest, she probably wants to prevent too many nappies going to landfill.
I know when you're in it, you believe all taht shit and get stressed about getting your kid trained in time. I wasn't there so long ago myself! But I promise, your little one will get there when you are Both ready-- and this is key, you both need to be ready for a non stressful experience. If its stressful it just ruins your time with your little one, what's the point?!

Thanks, I think you're right that (like so many things) parents tend to insist a thing is right or wrong based on their own experience of their one or two children. I will say I really regret reading the Oh Crap book (I've only read the first few chapters) - the tone is incredibly off-putting and judgemental and I decided quite a long time ago that any parenting book or resource that claims there is one rigid way that is right for all children is a cynical way to make money (I think this is as true of attachment parenting books as Gina Ford - it's not about the philosophy, just the idea that you can do one thing that is 'right' or 'wrong') and it was the most extreme example of that that I think I've read! I also googled her and she has literally zero qualifications to give out potty training advice...

Cross-post, rubyroost!

@Hardbackwriter we got the potty training book by Amanda jenner. The advice is mostly in opposition to the o crap book. She apparently is the TV potty woman of the UK. If you pay for postage I can send it on to you, I'm done with it now.

Think it's straightforward if you have PayPal you can just put my email and send it. Direct message me if you want it, think it's a couple of quid fir postage