Really struggling after returning to work

[Bets2801]

I returned to work a few weeks ago after maternity leave and also recently found out I’m in the early stages of pregnancy (unplanned ..well not this early anyway!).

I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones but I feel completely overwhelmed at work and I’ve been in tears every day. I feel like I’ve lost all confidence and I’m usually very confident in my job. I’m a self employed consultant so I have no employer I can speak to just clients who just pay me to do a job so I can’t really raise any issues with my personal life as it’s not their problem.

I wanted to go back 3 days initially but the first project I’m working on is really complex and I’ve been brought in at a very late stage so I’ve already increased to 4 days and working very late nights. My 9 month old daughter still wakes up multiple times a night as well so really struggling!

I just feel crushing stress and pressure, full of cold and generally white sorry for myself at the moment! I can’t do anything about it really as it’s my best client, I get a good 50% of my work through them so can’t let them down.

I just feel like there’s zero time for chilling out..I get up at 6 with my daughter, work until 4:30, look after her until bedtime at 7 and then start work again till 9 or 10pm and then awake 3-4 times a night with my daughter! My husband does a couple of nights a week with her so that helps but it still feels brutal.

Just a moan and rant really but if anyone has experienced similar or has any tips that would be great!

Could your dh take on more? When work is really stressful for me, dh does bedtime, sorts dinner, generally takes over the evenings, so that I can get on with work and finish at a reasonable time. Or if I need to do a late night, he will get up in the morning with dc so I can get a little more sleep. Also, if you aren't bf or she will settle for him, realistically, he can do half the nights as you are both working and both equally need your sleep.

I've also found it can be really good to block out a few hours on a weekend for work instead of working late nights. It means you can get to bed and be fresh a few extra nights during the week, but then get a solid block of time to work when dh is home and able to clear everyone out of the house to do something on say a Sunday afternoon. It also means they get quality time together. There is no chill out time during the week unfortunately (I work every night until 10pm after bedtime), but we do block out Friday and Saturday evenings just to spend time together and that's nice.

Sorry, @Bets2801, I managed to post a text to my sister on your thread so that’s what was removed! I don’t have any experience, but hopefully more people will be along soon.

What do do you do for childcare? Is upping it to five days an option, either financially or logistically? If you could split the hours over five days you would be able to cut back on the evenings - another (less good, I think) option is to work Saturdays if your DH is home then and he has your DD alone.

I found working into the evening unbearable when I went back to work (I did go back full-time and after 6 months), and ended up changing career in significant part because of this when DS was just over one. Which I realise isn't very encouraging, sorry! I had always done it before having him but it was killing me doing it after him, especially if I was then up in the night. But if you're freelance then you hopefully have more control over hours - it sounds like you need to see this project through but then you could look to limit your hours more for the future?