Buying treats for your children: How often and to what value? Spoiling vs sensible spending vs stingy ...

[peachypumpkin]

When I was little, my mum and dad were strapped for cash, so we didn't have many treats outside of birthdays and Christmas. Dp and I are lucky in that we have more £ than we ever expected to, and I'm not really sure how to adjust our spending, particularly with respect to ds (3).

We have got into the habit of buying ds a little something (value: £2-£3) most times we go to town, about weekly. Tbh, it's now tricky to not do this without a tantrum ensuing, which I worry about. Nonetheless, it felt right a while back that, because we often treat ourselves to a magazine/book/CD, ds should have something too. And the habit has stuck.

Am I 'spoiling' ds? Or not spending enough? Or is this kind of spending about right?

I'm mindful of teaching the myriad lessons around money: Not Always Having What You Want, Not Supporting The Production Of Plastic Tat, Appreciating The Value Of Money - and so on. Supposing a parent could afford to spend limitlessly on their children (which isn't the case, btw!), at what level should they pitch their spending, sensibly?

All 'big' (£5+) requests go on ds's Christmas/birthday wish lists - which seems kind of arbitrary, actually, but ds is happy with it. But as for the week-by-week little stuff - how many rides should be 'allowed' at the fairground, should ds be bought another toy car - I'm confused. Any thoughts? Thanks.

Oblomov, I agree that the problem here is ds expecting a toy in town. Today, because we had found vouchers in his hitherto lost purse, he had something small bought with them amd he was so grateful, spontaneously, in the car on the way home: "Thank you so much for getting me 'x', Mummy." At the county show a few months back, when we said no to the £10+ toys at the John Deere stall, ds was mortified - and verbally and physically furious - and I vowed never to go to this sort of event again! The disappointment I understand, especially with ds who is quite intense with his feelings generally. What I hate is public tantrums, which don't actually happen often, but which I need to be mindful of not trying to avoid, maybe even sub-consciously, by buying 'a little something'. Hmm.

I'm feeling inclined to try pocket money, possibly in recognition for tidying toys away each day. And I loved the charity shop idea, plus selling old toys to raise the funds for new.

Im not sure about the strict extreme. We're talking purhcases of up to about £3 a week, maybe even fortnightly, and I would be surprised if most mums didn't find themselves spending up to £3 a week on something they fancy - be it a hot choc in a cafe, a cake or chocolate bar from the local shop, a book or magazine. It seems hypocritical if kids can't do/have the same, at this level of spending. I also don't believe children should never have anything if they say, "I want ..." If they whine/beg, of course it's a no, but being able to express your wishes and have them listened to and, at least occasionally, acted upon is, imo, an important part of developing healthy self-esteem. I disagree with "I want doesn't get".

We buy books and craft supplies fairly liberally, too. It's the Hot Wheels car, or similar, which niggles me. Thanks for the conscience prick regarding the ubiquitous Made In China. And thank you all for your perspectives - some intelligent definitions of 'spoiling', and helpful ideas for striking a balance.

But I don't think the expectation thing ialways wrong. For example, on Wednesdays, ds has to hang around while his big sister has a clarinet lesson. It's just enough time for us us to walk to Woolworths, look at the toys and choose a new hotwheels car. So that's what we do every Wednesday. It's a pleasant ritual, only costs 99p, and means that he looks forward to the day rather than resenting having to waiting for her. And on the days (about once a fortnight) when I have to do both school runs, he gets a cooked breakfast in a cafe (his favourite meal) because we have 45 minutes between dropping her at the bus stop and his school time. And we always all meet at a particular cafe on Saturday morning after football/riding and dp and I have coffee and the dcs have hot chocolate. They would be very upset if they missed out on any of these rituals and I think of them as part of our "family glue"

Like the 'rituals' perspective, seeker. Gives buying little things a different dimension.

i got into that habit on our little trips down to the town. It has become easier since she has been at school, as the trips are avoided!!

I think you are doing fine. my dd gets a comic, when we go to the supermarket, about once a fortnight.

We did go thru a stage where i would buy her things, bits, to have an easy life. I dont thik thats good, no, but at times you just give in. yet, i realised these bits were adding up, and the house is full of 'bits' lol.

Now she gets a puppy in my pocket or kitty, every friday, as long as she has been polite, and tried to sleep in her own bed all week!! A bit of a reward, really, and she's actaully enjoing collecting them.

Interesting to come back to this thread. I think a lot of it comes down to the type of child as well. DS has never been very good at understanding the concept of "today you can, tomorrow you can't", so I've always tended to be pretty strict with treats for him. DD1 on the other hand is very laid back and never has any expectations from one day to the next, so it's very easy to treat her. Now he's older, he can comprehend treats a lot better - when he was younger, it was more cruel than kind tbh!