I need serious advice ex alienating me from daughter... it’s changing our relationship

[Lonemom32]

quick backstory
my ex left daughter and I homeless to be with a 25 yr old he met at work. It’s been 2 years of hell after break up.
Major incidents and there’s more.
He sent memes around of me
He taught our daughter to call me names Fat cow/crazy
told me the woman he left for said she was my daughters new mum. Which was particularly cruel and he laughed when I got upset
You call me a c loser that he didn’t want our daughter to be nothing like
You told me to f off before and after giving birth when I was scared (almost died)
You call me bitter
Loser
Fucking idiot
Laughed in my face when I said I was sad about missing out on parts of daughters life
I made sure he spoke to her every day even when he didn’t want to, still refuses to help me buy clothes etc for her, show our child photos and videos of she missed him.
Even tho he hurt me incredibly I felt it was important to reach her her dad loves her even tho he doesn’t live with her.

But I think I did too good of a job, because she thinks the world of him. But dislikes me a lot, and it’s not lack of me showing her love attention and providing everything she needs. But from the negativity she hears and gets from her dad. He refuses to acknowledge he’s done anything wrong and it’s just getting worse. Everytime they see each other, she cries saying she wants to go to her dads house and she wants to go home to his house. He’s the fun parent I guess, buys her everything and anything she wants and junk food, trips every weekend etc but that’s easy to do when he only has her 2 days a week. And he still tries to cancel those days but I can’t miss work and he can’t miss time with his daughter. This has gotten so bad that when she cames back from her last visit she was just going on and on and on about going back to her daddy’s house and I just broke down. I never do but I felt completely reject by my little love, I can feel the depression setting in and I can’t have that again.
And she’s almost 4, how can I go on like this? I’ve built up her dad to be this nice guy when in reality he’s not. It’s affecting my daughters and I relationship, she sees how her dad acts and thinks it’s ok. I love her so much but it’s breaking my heart.

Please help

Sorry for the f bomb

But I think I did too good of a job, because she thinks the world of him. But dislikes me a lot,

OP, well done on doing the right thing by your DD in very difficult circumstances. You are a brilliant mum. Your daughter is secure in your love.

She isn't so sure of her dad though. So she is trying to impress him, to get his approval, to make him love her. And being the selfish, lowlife cunt that he is, he is manipulating the love and hope of his 3yo child to be a total dick.[thlhm]

You've done your bit while he was absent, it's time to stop talking him up and let her get to know him. As your DD grows, she will notice, start questioning, then you answer honestly in an age appropriate way. In the meantime, correct her unkind language and understand that she does not feel this way about you.

He does.

Thank you for your advice and kind words.
It’s really hard to have prospective when I’ve hit a really hard barrier when parenting. You’re right she will grow up and see the difference in our parenting, I hope that my love is enough to help grow to be a stable adult and not a narcissist like her father
X

I think you should get to do some of the fun parenting stuff too. Stop letting him having her on just weekends and take him to court if you need to to change the days to midweek - I bet a bit of actual parenting will soon stuff him and his girlfriend up. It’s easy to be fun dad on the weekend - not so when he needs to be accountable for getting her to school the next day.

As for the abuse your DD gives you - don’t hide your hurt. If she tells you she’d rather live with her dad then tell her you’re hurt she said that because you love her so much. She is old enough to know now that words can hurt and she’s hurting you by meaning mean.