Partner always sleeps..

[Kenaa]

Hi !
Am I wrong to be p**sed off?

My Partner, my children's father sleeps in .. everyday. EVERYDAY. Until at the earliest 9:30am but mostly between 10 and 11:30am ( both children wake between 5 and 6am)

I get up, get the kids breakfast get them dressed etc. Which obviously I don't mind doing in the slightest.. but I haven't slept in since before we had our first..

I'll go up at 9 to try and wake my partner, he says 'yeah yeah I'm getting up' by 10 he still isn't awake so I go up again and all I get is 'I told you I'm getting up' or 'I'm up ffs' but then he still doesn't come down for at least half an hour more and is mad and grumpy because 'he's tired'

He doesn't start work until 2pm and he's home by 11:30pm and then he'll play video games for hours. .

Am I wrong for being mad?

I'm going absolutely crazy doing all the housework, laundry etc, on 5 hours sleep, daily. .

Am I wrong for being mad?

Come on. You know the answer to this. He should be getting up first at least half the week. Time to put your foot down.

I’ve done shifts like those in the past and I always needed down time when I got home . I couldn’t just get home and go to sleep immediately. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to sleep in until 9am if he’s going to bed around 2am.

My husband leaves so early for work in the mornings that he doesn’t see me or our son and when he gets home he only gets 2 hours every evening with us . Well, that was before COVID. Now he’s working from home most days so I see him plenty .

However it’s selfish for him not to think of you and help you out . You have every right to be this frustrated, especially if he is getting full rest every night and you are not 😔

Maybe you could have a talk with your partner to see if you can agree on a schedule that he can stick to . Come up with cleaning jobs he is responsible for every day ? I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to get up early on his days off , especially as during the week he’s getting a full nights rest . Or you could alternate who wakes up early every morning ?

If he doesn’t co operate , I don’t think I could do it . He wouldn’t be worth my time personally.

This kind of behaviour from him only breeds resentment long term and it's a killer for any relationship.

You need to have a proper talk with him and explain how much you're doing and how unfair it is.

For someone who is supposed to love you he is not showing it & if he continues to allow you to struggle on while he keeps getting a full night's sleep then I'd presume he really didn't care very much.

I’m not saying this to gloat, but to put things into perspective. My partner gets up with baby at 5:30-6 most mornings and will let me sleep. He goes to work at 10 and comes home at 6, when he will do the bedtime feed and put baby to bed. He also makes the night feed bottle for me and I give it to baby.

You are definitely right to be pissed off.

Home by 11.30 say minimum of an hour to decompress although in reality he probably needs longer, bed by 12.30 and asleep by 1 and then 8 hours sleeps takes him until 9. I don’t think he is sleeping in so much as just sleeping.

I do think you need a chat about how things can work better in the house. How old are the children? Do you work? How come you are doing all the cooking and cleaning?

@Thatwentbadly

Home by 11.30 say minimum of an hour to decompress although in reality he probably needs longer, bed by 12.30 and asleep by 1 and then 8 hours sleeps takes him until 9. I don’t think he is sleeping in so much as just sleeping.

I do think you need a chat about how things can work better in the house. How old are the children? Do you work? How come you are doing all the cooking and cleaning?

This is what I was going to say too. There’s no way I could come home from work work at say 5PM and be ready to go to bed, so the fact he gets in late and then stays up for a bit is pretty normal IMO.

Do you work OP?

It's only backshift, he could easily get up at 9am or so even if he stayed up til 1 or 2am. I do that on normal days.

I'd be really pissed off at him playing games all night after work, and sleeping til almost noon to get just two hours with his children! He's acting like a single bloke, not a dad.

You should agree that he gets up minimum by 10 and he is responsible for the children from 11-1 and needs to do a few jobs eg do a load of washing, change bins, wash dishes while you get some downtime or nap

Or, at 10am take the kids to your room with some puzzles, books and toys, shut the door, and go to the kids room and go back to sleep in their bed. Or, go out shopping. He won't have a choice then (unless you think he would go back to sleep and not care if the kids poked forks into electrical plugs)