12 year old stepdaughter won't follow simple hygiene

[curlyhairdiva]

Hi all, I have a 12 year old stepdaughter who I have a good relationship with generally. She spends a considerable amount of time and me and my husbands home (2-3 nights a week). She is generally well behaved but we are having major issues with cleanliness and hygiene which seems like a constant battle lately. For example she does not wash her hair and is constantly scratching her head, does not wipe herself after using the loo (I know this because I do her washing and her underwear is always completely dirty) and she sometimes smells quite unpleasant. All of these things cannot be pleasant for her. She once took a bath in our home and when she got out, she forgot to pull the plug - I was shocked when I went in and saw that the bathwater was extremely filthy. My husband has tried taking to her about these issues in a sensitive way but she does not listen. I put together a little gift package for her which contained some things like baby wipes, body spray and some nice hair bits, just so that she had the items she needed but these remain untouched. We dont think that we are getting any support from her mum with this, as she often sends her to us with unbrushed hair, scruffy clothes and school shoes on a weekend. How do we deal with this issue?

Errr I think this is a deeper problem that her attitude to hygiene.

Id be having a closer look at her home environment with her mum.

My dd was like this at 12. She thought it was funny. Nothing l said it did made any difference apart from forcing her in the shower.

She’s 14 now and clean and smells nice. She’ll grow out of it.

Well, she did wipe herself after going to the loo, but she was a scruffy little monkey unless forced.

Could you take her to the hairdressers for a good sort out of her hair?

Are there any problems at school ? Does she have friends, is she educationally on track ?
Does she know about periods and the hygiene needed ?

Both my SC (girls) were like this. It was often laziness on their part and also their mum never took an interest in their cleanliness or hygiene and that rubbed off on them. They would frequently arrive having not showered / bathed for days.

I put together a nice little collection of toiletries for them and it didn’t make much difference. I had a chat with them when each of them started their periods (as their mum wasn’t bothered). Still didn’t work.

Eventually they grew out of it and are much better now. Also..... at 12, maybe teach her how to do her own laundry?

What does your partner say about it?

Op you use the term 'our home' throughout your post, it sounds as though you see her as a burden. It's her home too?

Is she having issues at school, or at mums?
Could she stay more often at her dads would that help?