4yr old says she doesn’t like it ‘when her tummy gets big from food’ - how shall I handle this?

[Gettingonabitnow]

Hi

It’s breaking my heart to hear her say this. It’s been going on for about a month, she’ll lift her top up and look at her tummy and say ‘I’ve eaten too much’ or ‘I don’t like it when my tummy gets big from eating’.

I’ve tried to sensitively delve into this, she says it’s the appearance of her tummy not a feeling of sickness from a full tummy that she doesn’t like. She’s pinky promised me that no one at school has said anything. I’d like to think it hasn’t come from me or my OH. She’s always been a great eater and we as a family love our food, sit together, talk about the foods we like etc.

She has lot a bit of weight recently, I’ve put it down to a transition to school where they don’t monitor their food intake as much as they did at nursery I guess, and she’s always racing around. She’s possibly eating a little less at home, but marginally. She’s a tall skinny girl, her tummy does get distended I guess you’d call it when she’s full as all little ones do.

I’m terrified she’s hurting inside about her appearance. Any advice welcome.

Thanks x

Bless.
Have they been talking about 'healthy'eating' at school? Whilst it's meant well, I think some of the messages kids pick up from it are not great.
Hi think you need to just keep reassuring her that her body is perfectly normal. Tummies aren't meant to be flat.
Does she have access to anything like YouTube or Tiktok? You might need to make sure she doesn't get into thinking that there's only one way to look 'right'.

Thanks for replying. No she definitely doesn’t have access To YouTube etc, she goes on apps on the tablet always in front of us and we can hear what she’s on.

Possibly talked about it at school, but then again I know they discussed healthy eating at nursery and she wasn’t phased by it.

It’s breaking my heart, she looks so sad when she talks about it. I’m trying my best to reassure her, I hope it passes.

At what point do you properly start to monitor her food intake etc?

To some extent you always have to monitor your kids food intake.
She's obviously picked this idea up from somewhere, so I guess your best approach is to try and instill some better messages. Not to go overboard but talk about how we need all kinds of food to keep healthy and active, etc.
Does she likes sports? Sportswomen come in all shapes and sizes.
Maybe ask school to keep an eye on what she's eating at lunchtime.

You could explain that her tummy is like a little factory.

All the food is stored there and then off it goes to the right places, to make her work properly.

Is just brush over it. Say something like "oh looks normal to me" but keep an eye on it yourself.
I have read research that says women who have the best attitudes to their own bodies grew up in families where their parents were neutral/didn't mention body shape etc as opposed to being negative or positive.
I have a DD who thinks her thighs are chunky, so just try to be a bit blasé at the same time as reassuring her that they are normal.

Yes, I will do. The only thing I can think of, and have no evidence for this it’s just a hunch, is that it has come from an ‘older girl’ at school who has bizarrely befriended her. She is from the year above and seems to have really latched on to her. We bumped into her at the park the other day and she does seem the ringleader type, getting my DD and a few others to do ‘naughty’ things like they were jumping on tables and I had to tell them to get down. But maybe I’m totally wrong. Probably am!

Thanks for the other responses too, really helpful.

I would probably say something that right after eating all the food is in the tummy and from there it gets distributed to the rest of the body to help her grow.
Brush it off as completely normal.

Talk to her about how eating works, something like:
food goes into her tummy, special chemicals swoosh it all about, and our body makes something called enzymes to break the food up into tiny invisible parts that then get transported around her body so she gets the energy to run around, think, play, grow strong, have healthy teeth and bright eyes, etc and of course anything her body doesn’t need is pooped and pee’d away.
Maybe reassure her that the tummy is a bit like a shopping bag where her food waits whilst the digestion takes place and the enzymes to do their stuff.
Sorry for the very babyish explanation, but reassurance and information is maybe what she needs to understand her body.

I think an explanation of biology and food=fuel is the way forward here. Compare it to when she takes a big breath in and her ribcage expands. See if you can find a cartoon on digestion for her to watch.

You need to get her into the frame of mind that her body is a functional object, not an aesthetic one. Clever tummy turns food into fuel. Strong legs help her to run around a play. Big brain for thinking up fun things to do. Shiny bright eyes for seeing things far away. Wiggly fingers for making cool things. Etc etc etc.

You could explain to her about all the organs that are in that bit of the body and how they are large proportionally to your body when you are a child which is why baby's have big tummy's compared to their limbs. Explain to her that as her body grows there will be more room for all her organs, so her tummy will look flatter as she grows, but at the moment they take up more room which is perfectly normal. This is why it's important to eat well to grow ! Good chance to teach her a bit of biology, find some diagrams online to show her.

Regarding the older friend - what perhaps strikes me is your DD is maybe a little impressionable and wants to please.
Personally I think we have to teach little girls especially about boundaries and saying no. Like you can say no to friends or family if you don't want to do something.

Thanks everyone. She mentioned it again after lunch so I did try the digestive / biology approach which she appeared she take in.