AIBU with my In laws

[MumMT18]

So me and my wife let her sister have our 2 year old for the afternoon. I said to have her back for 7pm bedtime as she had nursery in the morning so needed to be in bed on time. We are also really strict with bedtime. So firstly she took her to a park whilst it was raining then decided to take her to 2 my MIL house then her grandmas house despite there being rules against this. I didn't know about this until later. She said they would be home for 6pm but we got a text at 6 saying they were still out so we said okay but her bedtime is 7pm. At 6.50 she text to say she was leaving her grandmas in 5 minutes at which point I said my daughters bedtime is 7 so hurry up. I was already angry when she turned up at 7.20pm so told my daughter to say goodnight and we were about to go upstairs then she grabbed my daughters hand and took her upstairs, this was while I was holding her hand. She did not ask me or my wife if this was okay or apologise for being late. I would also add that I was spending the day with my daughter and taking her out but she turned up and wanted to take her out so I cut my time short for her.
She has not said a word to me since and has not apologised but am I being unreasonable to not want her in my house again?

I think YABU to not let her in your house again, you need to establish your boundaries.

Firstly if her bedtime is strictly 7pm then having her just get home at that time is, frankly, stupid. Your DD will need time to tell you about her day, settle down etc so in future give a much earlier return time.

Also, asking for her to come back at 7pm gave you less time to get in touch with SIL regarding the approaching bedtime. If she’s a bit unreliable then an earlier return time leaves you wiggle room to call her and get DD back at a reasonable time.

If you let anyone take your DD out you should make it clear that you expect lockdown rules etc to be followed and you should ask where they are going and to be informed of any changes.

Does your SIL know you’re angry? Did you say anything to her or just silently seethe? She may not know she’s upset you. Also you didn’t have to give up your day with DD you could have said sorry we have plans so some other time. You can’t really hold that against her imo.

I think I wrote this quite early in the morning so should have been clearer.

She actually said she would have her back at 6pm but in order to not cause drama I said to my wife 7pm would be okay (not to SIL)

I was also told that they would be going park and she would provide dinner but I later found out she had taken DD back to her mothers and to her grandmas

This is also not the first time this has happened but it was the first time it has happened at bedtime.

I did not want to cause drama so I let her take her out. She knows I am angry but is not acknowledging it. My wife also told her she was in the wrong but she ignored this comment too. I don't mean I want her to stop seeing DD but I don't want her in my house as she undermines me and ignores everything I said about boundaries

Yanbu unreasonable to not let her have the child on her own for a while but it’s extreme to not allow her in your house! Unless there is a massive back story about why she can’t go to grandma house eg abuse. There is nothing wrong with going to the park in the rain as long as she is appropriately dressed.

The reason for not allowing her to go grandmas house was only because she is vulnerable and my DD goes to nursery so I didn't want her passing anything on. There would normally be no issue with this but we are based in Manchester, UK which is currently in lockdown but we formed a support bubble so she could be in contact with DD