My DD left home to go to Uni aged 17 having suffered mental health issues after being bullied throughout school, which I, as a single parent did my best to address. Having attended CAMHS and getting medicated, she seemed ok to go away to Uni.
During her years away, I visited only when needed/requested, as she fiercely asserted her independence, took days off work to help her move flats, take her out for birthdays and emergency care leave when her mental health required it. DD engaged with Uni support services because of her mental health, eating disorder and IBS, the latter two having developed during her time there. DD did not tell me much about these and other health issues or medical care and became very unwell during one summer vacation whilst at home, threatening suicide. Thanks to a very supportive boyfriend at the time, she recovered.
After successfully completing her degree, she got a job which was made permanent after several months and which she seemed to enjoy.
Throughout all of her mental health issues DD has always been able to organise the logistics of her life with no support from me- despite my offering. I have had to walk on eggshells since her MH issues flared up.
Concomitant with the offer to move to head office in London, DD was diagnosed ASD and after her initial elation, she asked me why I hadn't picked this up during her childhood. Not being a medical professional or having had any experience of ASD and given that DD did not really exhibit any of the main, characteristic features, I felt that it was quite unlikely that I would have been able to recognise her ASD. It seemed to me that the medical professionals she had previously engaged with, would have better placed to diagnose it.
Fast forward to her being in London- she was staying in a minute room in a basic flat, travelling across central London to the office. She lasted a matter of weeks before suffering a mental collapse.
I should say that I requested a call every couple of weeks but then she stopped replying to my texts, which I sent a couple of times a week, to avoid being accused of hassling her. Given her past history, I began to get very worried and scoured social media to see if I could find out what had happened. She had blocked me from several platforms, but I discovered that she'd moved back to her University town, (helped by her Father, as I discovered much later) and had suffered some kind of breakdown. I really didn't know what to do and spoke to another family member, meantime. DD discovered that I had found out and before I could do anything, sent me a text saying that she didn't want me in her life, that she was an adult, that no one had put her up to his, that she had her reasons which she wasn't going to share with me and that she would report me to the police for stalking if I tried to find out anything about her.
9 months later, she is still incommunicado and her Father and other family members are in contact. None of these individuals have been helpful or supportive to DD previously, but there now seems to be a conspiracy of silence, orchestrated by DD, who is my only child. Her father, to be fair, does try from time to time to broker a rapprochement, but to no avail.
I have written a letter along with other family birthday presents, cards and cheques to her c/o address, apologising for everything I did and didn't do, saying my door is always open, I'll always love her, and suggesting a facilitated mediation of her choosing. No response, no thanks, no change.
I feel eviscerated, bereft and am feel that I'm living through a continuous living bereavement. I don't know what I did wrong as there was no precipitating event and feel like her whipping boy.
I don't really know what to do next. I miss her desperately which has been exacerbated by the Covid crisis as I live alone. Any suggestions gratefully received.....