DS not settling at CM

[Areva]

DS started at new childminders at the end of August, he had previously only been to a school nursery & I was fortunate enough to work at home then so could do pick up & drop off.
Childminder now taking him to and from full time school with an hour each side. It’s a long day and a big change but he doesn’t seem to be settling well,
tears when I leave him in the morning and have to physically push him in the door (I feel so cruel doing this as he is distraught)

My heart wants to pull him out but am I being too rash?
There aren’t many CM in the area but a friend has offered to help out

If he has been there for almost 2 months and you have to force him in the door and he is distraught then yes, I’d take him out.

What does the CM say? And how is he when he gets to school?

CM says he’s fine when I leave, he generally seems a bit subdued upon leaving school (this is from another parent) but is happy to see me when I arrive at CM to pick him up

I work with children as a childminders assistant, as horrible as it is that he is like this when dropping him off in the morning, I can assure you that he probably is perfectly fine once you leave and settles down quickly. Several children I have helped care for over the years did this, of various ages. They are upset when dropped off, but the minute the child is through the door and mum/dad have gone, the child settles down very quickly. Not sure if you do or not, but hanging around at the door trying to calm them yourself tends to make things worse too, the longer the parent is there at drop off, the more the child becomes upset. This is always a hard thing to mention to parents without coming across as being horrible, but the best thing to do is get the child in the door, a quick goodbye and go.

If the childminder has said he is fine once you leave, try to trust her in what she is saying as I can assure you that it is most likely the case. I've seen first hand how parents become distressed themselves when dropping off an upset child and feel awful, but honestly children do settle down very quickly once mum/dad are out of sight, even if it is hard to believe.

How old is your little boy and how long has he been attending the childminder? He will get better with time, some children take longer than others but with reassurance from the childminder he will settle soon. Hope this helps xx

Thank you,
I don’t hang around at the door as I remember reading that advice somewhere,

He is in Reception, just turned 5.
I’m just worried as it’s been 2 months, I thought he would’ve settled by now, I don’t expect to him to go in with a skip in his step but the fighting him to go in everyday and then him having to be pulled in while he tries to grab me is tough

It’s very difficult. How is he in school?

I changed from a wonderful childminder who changed career and in a rush put DD at age 3 with the first one I could find with a space.

She completely changed into a sad and distressed child and I subsequently found out some things about the childminder that made me pull her out as soon as I could find a replacement.

She is 25 now and I still feel a huge burden of guilt for leaving her there as long as I did, thinking she just didn’t want to leave me and ignoring how desperately unhappy she was

@Areva

Thank you, I don’t hang around at the door as I remember reading that advice somewhere,

He is in Reception, just turned 5.
I’m just worried as it’s been 2 months, I thought he would’ve settled by now, I don’t expect to him to go in with a skip in his step but the fighting him to go in everyday and then him having to be pulled in while he tries to grab me is tough

Just thought I'd mention the hanging around bit incase you did, but it's good that you don't 😊

Some children do take longer than others, it can depend how outgoing they are in their personality as this can play a big role in how quickly the child settles. Does your son talk about what the childminder is like? What he does within the hour before and after school?

Thank you all for your replies.
DS is generally quite an outgoing person, loves other children, likes to engage other quieter children, but after spending lockdown at home maybe he’s a bit more clingy to me.
Childminder has a few others, one who’s the same age, one older and a few younger.
They don’t do a lot when they get to the house, just general play and a story but that’s enough after a full day of school