Parenting conversations when pregnant

[bigblueboots]

My wife is pregnant with our first baby, and while we're starting to look at all the stuff to buy and decisions to make, I'm wondering if there are any helpful conversations to have about how we will want to parent?

I don't want to be over-prepared and I guess there's loads of situations that you just don't know until you get to it. But are there any questions about parenting styles that its helpful to talk through earlier rather than later?

Thanks!

You and she need to have those conversations.

But equally, be prepared to feel differently after you actually become parents.

It's worthwhile perhaps reading up on what's realistic for baby sleep, regressions etc. How you'll cope with perhaps not having as much time for each other.

I remember searching and searching online for a list of discussion points. I thought, surely there'll be loads out there! But there wasn't. Lots of advice for parents wanting to improve things, but nothing for expectant parents.

Stuff like how you might celebrate Christmas, the role of extended family, religion (and associated rituals like christening), even longer-term things like education. And the values you want to pass on. And how you see each of your roles. And what your thoughts are on your careers and childcare. It's not about deciding all these issues in advance, more becoming aware of the issues that might raise their heads and getting a sense of your priorities and values and possible areas of conflict.

Me and my husband are also expecting our first

So far we have discussed:

• Feeding (including how we will share the nights)
• Post birth visits from family and friends
• Work and childcare
• Religion
• General attitudes to education, discipline, gender roles etc
• Our approach to routine and sleep etc

I'm sure we will change our minds about lots of things but it feels good to talk about it all anyway

BTW my husband brought up the topic of visitors and immediately said he was happy to go with whatever I wanted (and police if necessary). Covid allowing I'm actually fine with our families visiting straight away BUT I loved that he made it clear he would support me either way!

We knew we were on the same page about stuff like religion, gender roles, discipline, noisy toys etc. Big flash points for us in the early days were sleep, division of housework, leisure time and money, specifically my access to money on mat leave, so if would have been useful to discuss that properly rather than having a blazing row over a newborn's head.

I'd say you'll have an idea as to how you'll want to parent so yea discuss this with your partner but when the child arrives don't be surprised if those ideas will probably go out the window, for example I was always a "I'll never use chocolate to bribe my child" now with a diva of a 3 year old I often find myself saying "if you do that you can have a biscuit" just for an easy life 😂😂 so I'd say discuss it loosely but don't be surprised if you actually surprise yourself and don't parent as you think you would as babies don't come with a manual so we're all just trying and praying for the best 🤪 x

I think it depends on what you want an opinion on. Feeding, in my opinion, should be the choice of the woman giving birth and you should avoid giving an opinion either way as it could put undue pressure on her. Things like discipline styles should wait until your child’s personality develops because kids respond to different things.