Is it time to give up?

[Chez2306]

I had my son back in July, back in may I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumour.

I'm really struggling to accept my diagnosis, im traumatised by the ward I was on in hospital when I went in before I had my baby for tests (I was on a neurology ward) and I now worry I'll end up like the people I saw there and keep worrying how this is unfair on my little boy.

I'm struggling with the no sleeping, struggling to bond and only feel happy when I get time on my own to almost get the old me back.

I have amazing family who help but as they also look after me, I can see how it's taken its toll on them.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know what to do! Do I let go of my son so he has a better quality of life or do I make myself unwell even further and allow my family to struggle looking after us both? I love my baby immensely, I keep thinking he deserves so much more than me, he deserves every bit of happiness

You need to reach out to your HV and your neurological consultant and ask them for more support. Having a new baby is hard enough, so many mums get PND, i can only imagine having to content with a brain tumour diagnosis on top of that. Some of the language you're using - "letting your son go" - is really concerning. You might find that a lot of this improves with either counselling or medication or both.

Do you have a partner? Could you speak honestly with them? Or you say your family is supporting you, could you speqk to them?

Oh you poor thing, what a stressful time you’ve had. You sound thoroughly traumatised- you’ve had a baby in lockdown, and you’ve been diagnosed with a brain tumour. Literally EVERYONE would be struggling with this, it’s so so hard. Having a baby is very hard and traumatising even with the best conditions in the world- and what you’ve been through is basically the worst.

Cut yourself some slack- you aren’t doing anything wrong, but you do need (and deserve) help.

Have you got a health visitor, and are they aware of your diagnosis? Or is your GP? Tell them what you’re thinking and ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team. They are fantastic, and will be able to help you with bonding with your baby, and feeling more positive and able to cope.

Oh gosh lady, you’re being so brave. Your baby needs and loves you, and will continue you- all the thoughts you’re having about giving him up are coming from a place of fear and sadness. Proper therapy, and maybe medication will help you to feel better and bond with him- there is no one he needs more than his mum.

Please please seek help- you deserve it, and it will get better x