5 yr old materialistic

[pancakes22]

Hi all. Any tips to encourage my 5 year old to be a bit less materialistic? She is obsessed with looking beautiful and pretty dresses and is saying she will like someone just because she has a nice hair band in. Today she said that she liked the step sisters in Cinderella because they had beautiful dresses. I always tell her it's what's inside that counts and I questioned how could you like the step sisters when they are so mean to cinderella etc but she's just still focusing on the outside not the inside. I personally don't wear make up or make a big deal out of clothes so I'm not modelling that. I know princesses etc have a lot of influence on her but I feel like it's going too far now and I don't want her to keep focussing so much on the outside

It sounds like a normal kind of phase. If you don’t model that kind of behaviour yourself that’s probably as much as you can do. I wouldn’t worry about it and personally it’s not something I would necessarily discourage because it’s just a part of exploration.

But I do sympathise with your position with all the stuff that is targeted at girls from such a young age. It’s not nice for them to have to feel that pressure so young.

I'd be ditching the princess media for something a little less shallow and reminding her repeatedly that it isn't nice to judge people on how they look.

It may be normal, but it should be combatted. Is she very pretty? Is she told this a lot? Make sure she has lots of opportunities to win praise for things that aren't appearance-based.

I don’t see this as a huge problem at that age, I’m not sure their brains are developed enough for true empathy. Saying that I also think the Disney films and other old fashioned fairy tails could be binned till she is older, many of them encourage girls to look pretty so a prince can rescue them.

@Ohalrightthen yes we used to let her watch kids you tube but have stopped that now as she was watching girls getting dressed in princess dresses. She loves a Disney film but I do think it does come from that perhaps. Yes she's very pretty and she will look at herself at say how beautiful she is. I want her to always know she is beautiful but I also don't want her to be vain! I tell her she is beautiful because of how kind she is and things like that but she still just wants her hair done or wants to put make up on etc. I feel like I've done something but don't know what

Being kind etc doesn't mean anything to a 5yr old. You need to praise her for tangible things that she can see. Good sharing. Fast running. Helping with XYZ, reading a story, writing her name, etc. Stop telling her she's beautiful. She doesn't need to hear that. If she says it about herself remind her that being boastful isn't nice.

Oh OP, my dd was exactly the same! I was so worried about it. I felt it was my fault for trying to boost her self esteem from when she was tiny because she was just so vain! I tried reading all sorts of books to combat it to no avail, there was one I remember in particular 'I don't want a posh dog' about a little girl choosing a pet dog, but rejecting a snooty posh looking handbag dog with a bow in favour of a scruffy, sweet, friendly dog. We'd end the book and I'd ask her which dog she'd choose and it was always the posh snooty dog and I'd despair . All of her favourite characters were the prettiest, regardless of character. For eg, Sharpay in High School Musical was her hero because she was pretty, even though she was the shallow bullying ntagonist. My dd was definitely slow to develop empathy in general, but now she is the most unshallow teenager I know. I work with teenagers and whilst a lot of them go through a very image conscious, brand and make up obsessed phase, my dd couldn't care less and is the very opposite of shallow with friendships. I'm sure your DD will grow out of it too!

@Ohalrightthen thank you that's good to think about the more tangible things I will try that

@user27378 thank you that's good to know I'm not alone and that your DD is not like that now! So there isn't anything in particular you did to encourage her to be unshallow now? She just kind of grew out of it? X