Toddler hardly eats anything

[Kcoffecakebubs]

My son is 17 months and has never been a great eater. He's had the odd spell when he's eaten regularly, but overall he's not great, and now it's starting to get me down and feel like a bit of a rubbish parent.

Things he will eat: smoothies, yoghurt, toast, cheese, crisps, pancakes (seems to be on a self imposed dairy and carb diet). Pretty much everything else he will refuse, throw or spit out. He will occasionally eat a whole baby tray type meal, more often than not its only a few spoonfuls. (Yes I try him on homemade, have done since weaning at 5 months, but he has never eaten anything we've made- whatever texture and consistency it is). The meals he does go for more of are things like curry chili, tagine etc - so he seems to not have a bland palette, just doesn't want to eat.

Getting him to eat sandwiches, I have to follow him round and put it in his mouth. Left to his own devices he just won't eat it. Its becoming quite a thing.

He's very active and busy, and I do feel that he just doesn't want to be stopped to eat which doesnt help. And right now all his back teeth are coming in so that's not helping, but it's not like he's great when he's not teething. Milk wise he has 5oz before his nap and 10oz before bed- always after we try food so he's not full on milk.

Any advice or tricks? Anyone else had a smililar experience? Will it one day just click and he realise you eat food?!

Dairy is a source of protein so he's probably getting plenty. I read once that most kids in the U.K. have far too much protein in their diet because they consume so much dairy.

As for the veg, as I said before just keep offering. Just seeing it on his plate is a step towards him trying it (he can't ever decide to give it a taste if it's not there).

I do agree with PP that you'd be better to feed him the ingredients of a smoothie than a smoothie though - when you blend fruit you release all the sugar and break down the fibre, so they're nothing like as healthy as whole fruit (and terrible for teeth of course). I do give my 3 yo smoothies occasionally because she neither eats nor drinks 🙄 but I'd keep them as an occasional treat at most, ideally stop them altogether at that age.

Just to reiterate what others have said though - his weight is fine, he's literally up there with the biggest 17 month olds in the country, so stop stressing, trust that he's taking what he needs, and take the pressure off you both.

OP I have 2 DC and they both seem to get by on fresh air! 17 months is very young, especially for something relatively tricky like sandwiches. My 4 year old finds sandwiches fiddly!
If his weight is fine then please relax, he is obviously eating plenty. Remember your stomach is appropriately the size of your clenched fist - there's only so much he can fit in there!

My mum said I lived on ribena (full sugar) and milk as a toddler. I grew out of it. My DS was a rubbish eater too, never ate like anyone else’s child, and still doesnt eat a lot at 30.

From my bitter pre-mumsnet experience here are some things I wish I’d known::

• it’s not you, it’s him. He’s not that interested in food, he may have a small appetite. Accept and move on.
• If he is healthy and growing and sleeping OK that’s fine
• eat with him more often and give him the same as you are eating. Sounds as if he has sophisticated tastes. Fantastic.
• don’t bribe him to eat by only giving him sweet stuff/non-veg etc

He’ll be fine.

I remember I was worried about my daughter when she was younger and I was told to look at what she ate over the week, not daily. If overall your toddler is eating well over a weekly basis then don’t worry. Also they won’t starve themselves, they will let you know what they need and when they need it x

Does he go to nursery? The social eating/copying other kids can help. But I wouldn’t worry about it he is a healthy weight/height/development-I suspect if you add all the little bits up it’s more than you think.

Why not just tweak his routine a bit so you can eat with him? Maybe not every meal but at least some of them?

Whoever is at home in my house has lunch 12-1 and dinner 5.30-6. Seeing you eat makes a massive difference imo. We all put the same thing on our forks and do a cheers (yes I know it’s ridiculous but it works!) if there’s something my toddler is reluctant to try.

I honestly don’t understand why so many people have totally different meal times (& often contents) to their kids! So many of my friends sit their kids down for fish fingers and chips at 5 and then eat their grown up meal when the kids are in bed. Then moan that their kids are fussy and won’t eat normal food. You can spend quality time with your partner that doesn’t involve eating. I’m not saying that’s what your doing but I just find it bizarre.

Thanks all, those last few posts have made me feel a lot better. I do try and give him the smoothie ingredients separately, but he is yet to even put a piece of fruit in his mouth let alone eat it! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Same for veg, but I do offer him these things. I guess one day he will just try them! He seems fine in every other aspect, so I guess I'm doing something right!

He doesn't go to nursery, and there's no siblings or cousins etc, so he doesn't get the social eating with other children.

After all this, this morning he at least put a bit of banana in his mouth! It came straight out, but I guess that's progress!

That's amazing progress. It would have taken a lot to taste it. All you can do is offer. It's up to him. Maybe just give him a multivit in the mean time at least! You could also try adding some veg to the smoothies just a little maybe he won't notice?

Yes that's great OP. At this age it's a lot about experimenting with different tastes and textures.

As a child I was a very fussy eater and practically lived on dried shreadies and bananas. . I had a real texture thing about vegetables and fruit and tbh I still do. Am not a great fruit or veg eater even now but I prefer veg to be raw or crunchy such as carrot and stir-fried veg so I make it up that way.

When I was a toddler though my mum took me to the dr because she was so worried, and he said, “I just wish parents sometimes thought about the size of their child’s stomach, and the amount of food they expect them to put in it.”After that she left me pretty much to my own devices. She would e.g. purée veg and mix it in with mashed potato (I am VI so wouldn’t have noticed the colour difference,) but it all just came right over time.

With food you need to just pick your battles, and as long as he isn’t ill, keep a diary of exactly what he’s eaten over a week and you will likely be pleasantly surprised.

Can you cut down the milk? If he knows he will get milk eventually there's not much incentive to eat food that requires work to eat. And the smoothies too.

Thank you, I put carrots in the smoothies, sometimes spinach too when we have it. I think I just need to relax it a bit.

I don't really want to cut the milk, as I've said before. He's eaten the same when I've done it previously so then I would really worry he's hungry. Plus he's having the recommended amount for his age and size according to the NHS and health visitors. And if he has less at night he doesn't sleep through - and I'm not interfering with that!

I had an early Walker too op and I think that can contribute as in they're far more interested in being on the move than sat "wasting time" eating

To be fair dd is nearly 20 and much the same now! She's definitely a "food as fuel necessary evil" type which is bewildering as her dad and I both love our food. So no idea where she's come from 

Re variety - dairy foods have most of the required nutrients in them! In theory even an adult could not only survive but even thrive on milk and some kind of small fibre portion a day alone! They're certainly a good source of protein.

and I was told to look at what she ate over the week, not daily I was told same re variety

Even adults don't eat a perfect balance every day

Honestly 1/4 banana here, a couple slices Apple there, a stick or 2 of cucumber elsewhere... all adds up eventually

My dd was eating a LOT more (both in variety and amount) than I had estimated her eating when I wasn't doing the food diary it was really quite surprising!

One day I remember I'd have thought she'd not had much fruit if not for the food diary, WITH the food diary she'd actually had 1/2 banana dnd 15 grapes over the course of the day! I actually had to pull back on the fruit a bit!

I must admit I agree with @Carrotcakey i/we ate with dd for meal times and she ate pretty much the same as us from the start of weaning, I wasn't a fan of ready made "baby foods"

She had mushy weetabix or porridge for breakfast, pasta or "deconstructed" sandwiches for lunch, I agree a constructed sandwich is a bit much for them till school age, but they can have buttered bread fingers, slices of ham or cheese, slices or sticks of cucumber, peppers etc, then whatever we were having for dinner, I never cooked with salt anyway and very strongly flavoured or spiced food it was easy to separate out a portion for her first then add the stronger flavouring for us mid way through cooking. Typically we'd have things like pasta with veg and sauce (I'd put her sauce in a wee pot on the side so she could eat the pasta with fingers if she liked and some would be dipped in the sauce and "spoon-fed") veg in baby hand sized chunks too, cottage pie spoonfed, stir fries and noodles where hers just didn't have a lot of sauce on, much mess with the noodles though so sometimes I cheated and she had half a tortilla wrap instead, casseroles, home made soup (I'm a Scot this is practically our national dish!)

She actually really likes spicy food and strong flavours which we gradually discovered when she "stole" things off our plates! We were very surprised one time when she nabbed a VERY spicy piece of Mexican chicken off ex's plate, wolfed it down and asked for more! There was none left unfortunately. But I increased the flavouring and spice in her portions. Like me she'll happily eat garlic cloves whole and even pickled garlic.

Re banana in mouth - definitely progress! Lots of praise when he does things like that.

Do you "show" him you putting food in your mouth and doing the "mmmm yummy" thing? Demonstrating the pleasure of eating?

And yes to letting him "play" with food too, that's how they learn and get comfortable with it so don't just whip it away if he's touching, smelling, mushing it but not eating it.

My Dd did that a lot with banana at first before actually eating and enjoying, she was a bit suspicious when first presented with it.

I do wonder then OP if he's just not clicked with the concept of eating then, if he doesn't see it much? It may become something he picks up more when he sees more of it - family meals when you get a table, other children eating etc.
If you don't have concerns over his growth, just be patient. He's not going to develop independent eating if you follow him around poking sandwiches in his mouth!

DS was like that. Didn't eat proper food, sandwiches etc till he was 3. Total waste of time and my energy trying to get him to eat solids. He ate scrambled eggs, pureed Spag bol, yog, cheese and biscuits till he was 3.

He was the same, 99th percentile, never stopped wriggling, running around etc. He's just polished off a massive portion of minced beef and mushroom pie!

We had a breakfast bar at the last house and got DS a blow up seat thing which attached to the stool - obvs only works if you’ve got stools with a back but he liked feeling like he was at the table with us. I also used to give him a small snack about 4pm so he could last until 6.30 so we could eat together

DD could happily go weeks on croissants and blueberries.

We amended our schedule to all eat together. Breakfast just before 8 (on a working/nursery day, later at the weekend), fruit or veg for snack at 10:30, lunch at 12:30, snack at 15:30 (usually slices of cheese and cucumber or similar), dinner at 6pm.

This meant putting her bedtime back from 7 to 7:45 to allow time for dinner than a bath (which also works for us as it means she sleeps from 8pm to 7am).

She eats somewhat better, sometimes 'well' - but I tell myself if I put three (mainly) healthy and nutritious meals in front of her a day... That is ALL I CAN DO. I can't force her to eat. And just knowing that I am doing all I can allows me to relax a bit (which either helps or makes it feel less hopeless).

My DS was the same. Nothing worked. He went to nursery and sat with the others and still only got "tried" in his diary! We also don't eat together as DH isn't home until 6.45pm. He is now 5 and in year 1 and suddenly decided to eat peas and sweetcorn and yellow pepper! It is much better now. Slowly slowly we have made progress!

I'm not sure of he knows I've been talking about him, but yesterday he tried some ham, and stole some sandwich off me, and had about 6 spoons of curry for his dinner. Then today he's put scrambled egg in his mouth-and spat it out, and sucked some cucumber.
I think trying to be more relaxed about it all is already helping, and knowing that there are other toddlers who have had similar phases. I definitely think half the battle is he doesn't want to sit still and stop at all. Meal times are for sitting still and he does not want to be still! Hopefully we'll start getting there soon

It seems crazy to worry over him not eating enough when he’s so big. He’s obviously getting more then enough food as he’s not skinny. It’s quite normal for them to swing between eating well and eating little for months or weeks or days or hours. The best time to give veg is when he’s hungry. As a starter before the spoonfuls of curry.

He weighs over 3/4 of my nearly 8 year olds weight. He’s fine.

The other thing to consider is that if you train him into over eating and not listening to his body and not stopping when full you will create future food issues and have an overweight child, followed by an overweight adult with all the serious related health issues.

So, update - he's now nearly 21 months and there has been no progress in his eating.

I'm so down about it and I'm out of ideas. I've tried so many of the ideas I was given and nothing works. I've not given him milk all day, he still won't eat. If anything he's worse than he was.

I consider it a successful day if he has a smoothie, yoghurt, crisps, some dry bread and a bit of cheese. I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any other ideas id be very grateful.