Deciding whether to try for a third baby

[UselessInDisguise]

I'm just wondering on others experiences. I have two DS aged three and 9 months. I adore them. We live in a three bed semi, not big, not small, one box room, your stereotypical house I'd say. Both earn medium salary, I work part time three days a week (currently on mat leave) we're now at a point where we are debating keeping baby things. We've decided to, despite DH saying right now he doesn't want another but 'let's not rule it out..'
I would love another despite ds2 pregnancy being horrendous. But I can appreciate its quite a big jump in terms of house space, car and finances so I have jitters already. That said, we wouldn't even think of trying for another 9months or so.

How did you decided either way?

BTW there is no quest for a girl... I always hoped for lots of boys

Following as in same situation but with a 4 year old and almost 2 year old so feeling more pressure to decide!

Just popped on to say I’m trying for number 3 and it’s been a rocky road, no as smooth as I experienced with the previous 2. I’m talking conception wise, the pregnancies and births were difficult in their own ways.

3 is a nice number, I could make it work but maybe God has other plans for me.

@CalmDown7

Did you always want 3?
Best of luck to you.

Wishing you good luck @CalmDown7 I hope it happens for you soon

Following as same boat. 3yo and 5yo and feel It is now or never

@OverTheRainbow88 - my heart seems happy with 3. I’m content if it’s not meant to be in the end, meanwhile I’ll keep trying as it would be nice X

@UselessInDisguise - thank you, don’t be put off by house size etc, if you can comfortably squeeze in another go for it x

We kept all our baby things for a 3rd, fell pregnant when DS2 was 3 but miscarried then put off trying again because of this, that and the other. We started trying again when our DC were 6 and 8 but then had a big upheaval so stopped. We tried again a couple of years later but nothing happened.

Now our DC are 12 and 14 and we've given up- the boys are getting older, DH and I are getting older and life has moved on. We've mostly made our peace with the decision but not having a 3rd is my biggest regret. Looking back, the reasons for not trying were not insurmountable, I wish we'd kept going.

We're TTC #2 and have made the decision to stop after this one. From a planet-conscious perspective, we can't justify exceeding the replacement rate. I know lots of people will say "just one extra child isn't going to make a difference" but thinking like that is part of the reason why the planet is in the state it is now. I don't want my kids to grow up on a dying planet, and I'd feel pretty fucking selfish if i didn't practice what i preach on that front.

Also, just because it needs saying, your DH telling you he doesn't want another but that he doesn't want to rule it out is classic delaying/avoidance. He'll put you off for a year or two and then he'll make a bunch of arguments about how you're just getting your lives back now your kids are older/money/you're too old now etc. He doesn't want any more kids, he just doesn't want to piss you off by coming right out and saying it.

@Ohalrightthen thanks for your comments and best of luck ttc #2. I disagree with your comment about DH though, he said the same with number two and was very happy to try when he felt ready.

If you both want it, Go for it!! We have 3 and it’s brilliant. DC3 really completed our family, he slotted in perfectly and they all adore one another. We have 6, 3 & 1.
Youngest 2 can share a double room and eldest gets the box room. Cabin beds work for space as they have drawers underneath. I love being a mum of 3.

If you’re worried about finances & childcare could you wait until your 2nd child will get free 15/30 hours childcare? That’s what my sister did and it worked well for them.

I decided to stick at two. The idea of needing a bigger car, having to pay childcare costs for an extra child, thinking about extra curricular activities now and in the future just seems too much sacrifice. Also, and I don't mean this to be negative about anyone, but if a third child had additional needs, things would obviously be a lot harder. Or pregnancy 3 could be twins.

Well, we debated it for a long time. Dp was on board with whatever I decided. O eventually decided against it. It broke my heart at the time, but there were too many reasons not to.
My youngest is now 7 and here I am 6 months pregnant with surprise baby no.3. This pregnancy has been horrendous. I'm terrified of giving birth again. Ds2 was a nightmare child, so I'm dreading she's going to be the same. My body isn't really coping well with this pregnancy at all. Also, I had given myself so many reasons why a third was a bad idea that I just can't look forward to it because all those reasons still stand.
I know when she will come I will love her, and I already feel like our family is now complete, which I never did before, but its tough and she's not even here yet.

@BullshitVivienne our second child has additional needs and yes it makes things more difficult at times but you find ways to make things easier and having a routine definitely helps.
I know that if we had stopped after DC2 it would’ve definitely been easier but I wouldn’t change our decision and can’t imagine life without DC3. It’s been amazing to see our middle child with the youngest, he’s so affectionate and caring towards him.

We had number 2 last June, last July we designed a house with 5 bedrooms as I was adamant I would be having 3 or 4 children in total.

Around September last year I started feeling really low, I went on medication and starting having therapy for postnatal depression. It really knocked a lot out of me and even though things are better now, I feel about 10 years older in the last year alone.

Our now 16month old is an absolute daredevil, climbing non stop and is a huge handful. On top of this I've been making good progress since going back to work and have just been promoted (even though I feel like I'm barely holding everything together).

My dp wanted more children but after discussing everything seriously, he understands my point of view. I just dont think I could put myself back there again where I was in my worst days with PND and we realised we are blessed with the two healthy DC we do have.

Mine are 5 and 3. We always said we only wanted 2 kids and I am happy with that decision, although I did debate it a year or so ago. DH has always said 2. I only see 2 kids in our family. And I can’t go through the pregnancy/miscarriage/newborn or toddler stage again anyway. A few friends have recently had baby 3 and I feel zero jealousy, just horror at the thought of the sleepless nights.

I finally feel that I am getting my life back a bit. We’re done with nappies and buggies and naps. They both sleep all night and entertain each other. Yes it’s hard some days, but especially with covid I am so grateful not to have a newborn too.

I don’t know how you decide OP, sometimes I do let myself daydream about a new baby, but I’m happy with our decision

I was you a year or so ago! Even up to a few months ago actually. I have two DS, aged 4 and 19 months now. I've gotten over the pangs truth be told! I think hormones has a lot to do with it.

I'm now very much glad I don't have a "baby" baby to look after as well as an older child, DS2 is still a baby of course and still has a structured routine with a nap etc, but he can walk, run, climb, and is much more of a play mate for DS1 than he was a year ago. I now see how well two works, and how I am so over the baby phase (I didn't love the phase with either DC, although I didn't hate it either). DS2 is still a hit and miss sleeper which probably helps too!

You might get over it, you might not. I would give it until a set timeframe and think about it again then.

From another perspective, I HATED being the middle child. However much you try and treat them equally there is always that you are not the ‘first’ to achieve things and neither are you the baby where everybody treasures all the ‘lasts’. I know a lot of fellow middle children who didn’t feel unloved or anything, but the subtle behaviours are there.

I think you're mad. The planet is in absolute crisis. It does not need more people. Two children is plenty and straightforward to manage with cars, rooms, dividing attention etc. Give to the two you have, why ruin the equilibrium?

I have a feeling I will be you in a couple of years. We have two DC, 2y and 9m, and I daydream about having a third in the future. My heart says yes but my head says no. My DH also says no (at the moment). Rationally I know I'm very lucky to have two bright healthy longed for children, and worry if I had a third with additional needs it would affect them detrimentally. The environmental impact, cost, car, space, holidays etc all make me think we should stick at two as well. But my heart says another child would complete our family, I guess I just don't feel 'done' yet.

@ByebyeOcado that’s sad you felt/feel that way. I’m the middle too and thankfully never felt that way. Our eldest is our only girl, our middle our first son and youngest son the “baby” they’re all special in their own way with their own qualities and personalities. All are treasured and get 1-1 time with us and I would hate to think any of ours ever feel like that. Our middle child has additional needs so that maybe will make the situation different?

We talked about 3, but left it for a while before we started trying. It took 6 months and we have a big gap of 6 and 8 years. But I love it! The older siblings dote on their baby sister. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Especially since I can focus a lot of the baby. The older ones have a 20 months gap and I felt if I had a third close gap it would be too much. So happy w our third. She fits right in. And we also have a dog that we got before the third. All fits right in 😀

I’m a middle child and I do feel invisible 🤣