Being a good parent?

[Nicknamegoeshere]

Hope this doesn't sound like too weird a question (there is a reason behind it). Initial responses please!...

If I struggle in certain areas of knowledge but I am much more confident in others, does that reflect negatively on my ability to parent?

For example, my mental maths is atrocious (always has been) but I would say my English skills are pretty good.

Perhaps in your mind you are confusing 'parenting' with 'helping with homework'. The two are very different imo.

@OrtamLeevz I'm a teacher so think I'm not too bad at that. I would hope! I have a C in Maths GCSE and can confidently work with pen and paper, but it's maths in my head I find hard.

I can't spell to save my life..... my kids know to ask their father, use the F7 key or a dictionary. I am a good parent because I have given them skill to work it out for themselves. I also love and provide for them. I am their top tier cheerleader and un paid maid...…

Maybe buy them a calculator for Christmas.

Huh ? No your mental maths is no reflection on you as a parent.

Do you cuddle them, feed them, love them, make them feel safe, read to them, play with them, build their confidence, be a safe space etc. That's what makes a good parent.

@Unescorted Their dad (my ex-husband) is very gifted mathematically though and pretty smart as are my kids. I guess he has to take credit for that? I'm academically far less able.

Why do you think that matters? How would academic 'cleverness' impact your ability to parent?! A good parent loves and cares for their child. It's got nothing to do with being 'clever'.

@daisydukes26 Yes, I would say I do. You've listed nearly all of the things their dad struggles with.
The issue is that academic ability is far more easily quantifiable.

I promise you a child would rather have a parent as I described, than a school smart parent.

I'm not sure what you are trying to get from this post, but the fact you are even concerned about your parenting shows you must be a great mum.

@daisydukes26 Thank you

Being a great parent means making sure your children get what they need. If you are bad at cuddling (for whatever personal reasons) you find them someone who is great at cuddling and make sure you never get in the way. If you are very bad at maths, you find them someone to support their maths learning. You should also try and improve the things you aren't good at, so if you are a bad food role model, try and improve your diet.

Your children have (under normal circumstances) a variety of people in their lives, each with strengths that together offer your child every opportunity. Make sure you demonstrate your respect for them. Don't let DH undermine you because you are not a gifted mathematician, and don't undermine him for lacking people skills.

One of the biggest things I think people don't always realise about parenting is how important it is to listen, to respect what they say and feel, and give them room to be their own person. I've seen lots of parents who have primary down pat, but by secondary the child has own opinions and doesn't toe the line and all hell breaks loose. You need to make sure your child knows you have their back, they are allowed to make mistakes, you will help them put things right even if you warned them that wouldn't work!

I don’t see why it matters! It helps to take an interest though- my mum doesn’t like literature or history and dismissed a lot of my interests as “arty farty” when I was a teen.

Are you seriously asking if a C in GCSE maths means you won't be a good parent!?

Is your children’s dad telling you that you’re not a great parent due to your mental arithmetic ability?

No he's applying for yet more custody and this is one of his arguments.

Well hopefully the courts will see it’s nonsense.
I’m fairly good at mental mathematics but it hasn’t helped me parent in any way, shape or form.

What an arse. How old are the DC? What's the contact like now?

They're now 10 and 13. It's been 50/50 (court decided) since they were 3 and 6. It's been a nightmare.

What do the D.C. want? They are getting close to an age where they'll be listened to.

@picklemewalnuts That's currently being assessed. It's extremely complicated, however.
I'm just concerned the fact my ex-husband is incredibly brilliant academically in certain areas works in his favour. I mean - and I kid you not - if he was asked mentally something like 67 x 456 - 8 + 3974 - 9 x 43 he could give you the right answer within seconds. I'd struggle with 8 x 9 - 43 without taking time to work it out!

I think if we're making snap judgements then being a teacher trumps having a maths gift, in the parenting stakes.

Obviously it's in the hands of the courts, and you have all your previous experiences to take into account. On the face of it though, most people wouldn't think what you've said makes him look like a better parent.

There is not one person on the planet who is good at everything and we do not suddenly become perfect when we become a parent, we are still us with our good and bad bits

Thanks so much all. In a way it would be easier for me to let my boys go than to have to keep fighting for them. I used to think I was a good mum but have come to the realisation that I'm not enough.
They'll be OK(ish) with their dad.
Just as my new baby will be with my fiancé. Well, she'd thrive because he's a brilliant daddy. He had her most of the day one day last week and she was soooooooo happy