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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I a crap parent?

24 replies

luska · 13/10/2020 21:36

Every day I will leave my DD on her playmat whilst I do household chores like unloading the dishwasher, cleaning, vacuuming etcetera. She seems perfectly happy playing with her toys for 10-15 and sometimes even 20 minutes, though if she starts crying I'm obviously straight in. I do this twice, maybe three times a day.

Other times I will be in the same room but will be sitting on the sofa on my phone whilst she's playing on her mat. Again, if she cries for attention I'm straight down there.

Then there are other times when I'm on the mat with her, shaking her toys, reading her books and interacting with her. I'd say that's about 50-60% of the time.

Is this crap parenting - do I need to be more engaged and entertaining her more? She's 5 months old.

OP posts:

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Rubyroost · 13/10/2020 21:51

No that's fine. If she's happy then that seems okay. My baby is 7 months and entertains himself or sits wit me and toddler who demands more of my time. I would enjoy it whilst it lasts. 😂

Suzi888 · 13/10/2020 21:59

I took mine into whichever room I was in at the time. I think it’s a little young to leave unattended for that length of time. It’s ok for her to play on her own, with you in the same room though.

Motherofmonsters · 13/10/2020 22:05

If shes happy il'd leave her to it, its good for them to have independent play. I leave mine while i do jobs and stick my head in often to check for mischief

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SameToo · 13/10/2020 22:05

I wouldn’t leave a 5 month old playing by themselves.

Original poster

luska · 13/10/2020 22:06

Thanks. I do pop my head around the door every minute or two to check she's ok. She has a big playmat in the lounge which is why I leave her in there - the kitchen is really small so there's not really anywhere to put her!

OP posts:

Mintlegs · 13/10/2020 22:08

I think it’s fine! They will let you know if there’s an issue!

bethany39 · 13/10/2020 22:08

I'd want her in the same room rather than leaving her for more than a couple of minutes tbh.

ChickensMightFly · 13/10/2020 22:10

Some babies are very content and able to take this level of attention without it being detrimental. It doesn't make you a bad parent to take advantage of that. Your house will be cleaner than those with more needy children. However, be warned, my close friend was in a very similar position, she sympathised with my baby who needed holding lots and with reflux needed to be held upright a lot... I got through it, so did she, I was a lot more frazzled than her, but my baby has a round head and hers is flat at the back.

starsinthegutter · 13/10/2020 22:18

Sounds perfect to me! Babies don't need to be played with the whole time, they're often happy exploring by themselves. You go to her when she cries, sounds like you're very responsive to her needs.

Spanglebangle · 13/10/2020 22:29

Nope. You are amazing and I am jealous! I have a very needy baby who won't tolerate being left on the floor. He is stuck to me 24/7,I constantly get told I need to put him down more, if only I could. I would give anything for 20 minutes to do housework, my house is a Shithole.

If it feels right it probably is. You are mum you know best. Don't overthink it.

Original poster

luska · 13/10/2020 23:25

Thanks for the replies - I was worried I was neglecting her! I assume that as long as she’s engaged with her toys and not crying then she’s ok - I hope that is the case. Her head doesn’t look flat, but perhaps I should keep an eye on it? Or would it be noticeable by now?

OP posts:

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 13/10/2020 23:33

It’s fine. Imagine you had an older child/children, there’s no way you could focus on the baby 24/7. Younger siblings survive! As long as baby is safe and happy, I don’t think you need to be a constant source of entertainment.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/10/2020 06:48

I have a 6.5 month old and I do the same as you. I dont think leaving a baby thats engaged in a toy is neglectful at all. I think its encouraging independent play.

Starlightstarbright1 · 14/10/2020 06:54

Once she is moving you will have no chance. At this age it is fine.

Babyboomtastic · 14/10/2020 07:00

It's fine. And given she's not mobile, if she is content for you to potter in and out of the room, then that's fine. You'll need to keep a closer eye on her once she starts moving, so enjoy the relative freedom now.

Rubyroost · 14/10/2020 10:13

Ignore the flathead post, it was ridiculous!!

MoorGirl · 14/10/2020 11:15

If you’re a crap parent, I am too! I do exactly the same. I am pleas DD can keep herself entertained for a short while and will keep encouraging it. Trust yourself.

MoorGirl · 14/10/2020 11:16

*pleased

Lazypuppy · 14/10/2020 12:15

Thats what i always did OP, you don't need to entertain them 24/7, good for her to learn how to entertain herself!

Popping your head round door is fine, you can hear them making noise etc

ChickensMightFly · 14/10/2020 18:42

@Rubyroost

Ignore the flathead post, it was ridiculous!!

It wasn't ridiculous, it was true. Have you never seen a baby who has spent a bit too long lying on its back on a firm surface? I've seen a handful. I'm not saying op will get that, just that it is a risk for babies that are very content and spend a lot of time on their back. I actually think op sounds like a lovely mum. My friend is a lovely mum, and now her dd's hair had grown you wouldn't notice it. But op asked the question, it wouldn't be fair not to mention a potential pitfall if I know about it.

Crampscramps · 14/10/2020 23:41

I always did this and now my kids are toddlers they can play independently for ages, and also love me and DH to play with them. I have friends with clingy pre schoolers who are very jealous that my kids can playboy themselves.

Rubyroost · 15/10/2020 21:46

@ChickensMightFly yes it was ridiculous! The op said nothing about her baby lying on her back all the time. She could be on her tummy, sitting up... All babies will lie on their back quite a bit when tiny. Flathead is mostly superficial and the way you brought it up was almost gloaty.

ChickensMightFly · 16/10/2020 12:10

Rubyroost you are right, I don't know if baby is, or isn't, on her back for her floor time.
The OP asked if there were concerns with what she is doing I flagged up one possible thing I've seen happen, I didn't tell her this would happen to her baby.
Like every thread on mumsnet, responses are a collective of crowd wisdom, not all of which will be perfectly pertinent to the OP's query and posters expect the ones which resonate to be helpful, and the ones which are wide of the mark to be glossed over by the OP as a bad fit.
If you read my post as gloaty then that is just your perception, to me it was a practical example of a pitfall that can happen illustrated by my own lived experience. Like most posters I didn't edit multiple drafts until I'd got the tone polished exactly and anyway every post on here gets read into differently as people filter through the prism of their own world view. You saw it that way, it wasn't what was in my head. The friend in question is one of my closest and we have supported each other through thick and thin in all sorts of ways and life events, in no way was I gloating.
Anyway, there you have it two mumsnetters disagreed on an appropriate response, OP can make her own mind up, but at the end of the day that's what she came here for. Like I said she sounds like a lovely mum.

ProudMummy1920 · 16/10/2020 20:41

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