2nd in lockdown?

[Amymac5]

Would be interested to hear how people with new babies born in lockdown have found it? We have a toddler and always wanted another. The whole pandemic has put this on hold but I'm not getting any younger (35) and now wondering whether to keep waiting.. No idea how long it will take to conceive if at all or what things will look by then

I had my 1st in March, right at the start. Its been awful. No HV support, no relatives allowed to visit and help, no baby groups so no chance of making mummy friends. Ive hated it.

My lo was 5 months when we went into lockdown. I was just getting at the point of starting baby groups. DH is shielding so for us it has been proper lockdown.

It was difficult with DD1 not being at school nursery and trying to keep up her nursery work. On the whole it was easier, no school runs to get ready for and DH was working from home so he is around at meal times but we don’t use childcare and we didn’t have any family support either. And I don’t need my HV for anything, although we have had a phone appointment. The biggest issue for me is not having a cleaner anymore.

I was nolonger missing night out with my friends because I at home bf DD2.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene so sorry to hear that. I can imagine the isolation is terrible and in truth that's what puts me off the most. I feel so sad for all the FTM robbed of those opportunities but hope you're still managing to enjoy your precious time with baby

@Thatwentbadly yes I can see that! I ebf my first and even with other Mums who had babies taking the bottle I couldn't do any nights out etc. Perhaps better having DH there too as at least other adult chat

My second baby was three months old when lockdown happened. Suddenly we had no nursery for my eldest (four years old), no playgroups, no going round friends or family’s houses.

Just me and the two of them all day long five days a week. It was often hell to be honest. My eldest is quite a challenging child
and wants to play non-stop all day. I still haven’t worked out how you simultaneously feed a baby and race cars; the only solution I’ve found is putting the TV on. But you can’t do that all day. To try to get some exercise and break up the days we went for endless walks with my poor son repeatedly asking why he couldn’t go to the playground anymore. Trying to stay away from people on narrow pavements barely big enough for one person at a time.

How you deal with two will probably depend on your personality. Also how well your baby sleeps! I probably get stressed too easily which doesn’t help neither does getting woken up every two hours for feeds

I’ve got a 3 montg old and toddler twins. It’s hard. Really, really hard. Nowhere to go, no one to visit or visit you, no health visitor or breastfeeding support, no baby groups or play centres. Just you and them. All day, every day. HoweVer, one day this will all be over, your little ones won’t remember it and you’ll have a beautiful family to enjoy and cherish. I donot regret my lockdown baby one bit. Fucking hard work though.

My first turned 5 in the summer, my second was born one week exactly before lockdown. Honestly how was lockdown? Fucking horrific! This is my last baby and after severe post natal anxiety the first time round I had this image of how I was going to do maternity leave ‘right’ this second and last ever time. I’d done a lot of work on how to recognise and deal with PNA this time round and on the whole in terms of anxiety towards/ about the baby it has worked. Hadn’t planned on a global pandemic though had I!? Cue PNA coupled with the constant terrifying headlines equalling me not leaving the house even for a walk for weeks and when I finally did crying silent tears behind my sunglasses, washing my hands red raw and having to explain to my 5 year old several times a day why mummy was crying again. We had intentionally left the age gap we did as it meant our first would be in school- except I hadn’t planned on that being home school! He ended up utterly miserable too he’s a very social young boy and it didn’t take long for him to get angry, upset and withdrawn with the complete lack of peer contact with the added unavailability of mummy who was suddenly unavailable to play as she was feeding the baby. Thank Christ our second is a very chilled baby who largely went with the flow and allowed me to put him down- another baby like my first who was a Velcro baby and we’d have been stuffed!

All that said.....I have some happy memories of the early days, they are few and far between due to all I’ve just described but also because the first 4 months of his life are a complete and utter blur. I literally can barely remember him being a newborn; a protective mechanism I think but it makes me sad. The happy memories are the ones of us all taking time to just be, time we wouldn’t have gotten on the hustle and bustle of ‘normal’ life where we would have had 8 million visitors a day and DS2 would have smelt like 6 different perfumes after being passed from pillar to post. The bond we have with each other is amazing- his face absolutely lights up when me or dh walls in the room and the relationship with his brother is adorable. They are utterly besotted with each other- what a relief after thinking DS1 might associate the arrival of ds2 with lockdown. I also managed to EBF for 6 months which I honestly wouldn’t have managed without lockdown as the challenges we faced would not have been surpassable if we were out all the time/ had visitors.

Also I can’t envisage us ever having a full lockdown again- the economy just can’t afford it. In the last 6 weeks I have finally been able to take DS2 to (socially distanced) baby classes and have settled into a routine of sorts. Almost feels like mat leave should. So I don’t think you need worry about it ever being as severe as it was for us. Even tier 3 legislation allows baby classes/ support groups etc. One thing to take from my waffling on (Huge apologies!!) is no matter how hard you plan or how long you wait there is absolutely no guarantee that something isn’t going to come along and totally knock you for 6!! Like you say it could take a long time to conceive or it could not. If you want another I would go for it, although mentally prepare yourself that anything could happen. We never could have predicted the state of the world today but I have certainly learnt my lesson!

Thanks @Ibizababyy so sorry to hear that it must have been so so hard especially if you'd built yourself up to have a better mat leave this time round and then a global pandemic hits! The first 3 months were so hard with a toddler so I can't imagine trying to homeschool and look after a newborn too. You sound as though you've definitely come through it though and have an amazing bond with him. We're in Scotland and because of the limit of 4 adults not many classes etc are back at all as it's not financially viable. No baby or toddler groups etc in our area. Whether that improves or not who knows.. Hope your first DS is doing better now if he can be more social with schools back etc. You're right though probably can't really know what things will be in the future, trying to weigh up between anxiety over covid but then as @Bettyboop82 says it could all be over in the near future and missed the boat which I'd regret

@Debradoyourecall yes definitely a groundhog day feel I had such a fixed routine just to keep getting through the days with a 14 month old!! This is why I'm wondering how I would have managed with a baby as well as it was bad enough with one. I'm a stresser had a really terrible sleeper

My second was born 4 days before lockdown. It’s been a mixed bag. Would I choose to have a baby in lockdown? God no. The full lockdown bit was mentally & physically exhausting with a toddler & newborn & no support or nursery. I had many a meltdown & felt very low by June.
That said, would I not have another child because of the pandemic? No. It would have always been worth it. No matter how hard it’s been at times, my little girl is a joy & worth every single minute. No way I’m shelving life plans because of this. Just a case of adjusting expectations for the short term. A huge positive has been having OH WFH and keeping me company plus him getting so much more time with our second than he ever would have before. He’s loved it. 😊

OP, if you want a second child, do it. You’ve no idea how long it’ll be to get pregnant. And chances are in 9+ months time, things will be a bit better. Vaccines are on the horizon, we better understand the virus, treatment is improving all the time etc .. this won’t last forever. In 5-10 years time you don’t want to look back & regret not doing for something that’s now just a (horrible) memory. I’m in tier 2 & been in local lockdown since August. Baby classes are back running & haven't been told to close, I go to several now. Softplay is open. Parks. Cafes. NCT I think are still zooming but you could meet up at a cafe etc.. particularly as we head into another spring/summer!