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Parenting

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Original poster

Stop crying your heart out.

10 replies

Lyonic · 12/10/2020 09:22

I have twin boys 13 months and I am really struggling with nights. Sometimes they wake up screaming and won't settle unless they fall asleep on me. I read that if you just let your baby cry they learn to settle themselves. Then I also read that if you leave a baby to cry, they don't understand and feel abandoned, which can cause serious psychological harm.

What do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ohalrightthen · 12/10/2020 10:13

You've got lots more options than

A) let them scream to sleep (which is cruel, by the way, do not do that) and
B) hold them to sleep

Do some research on gentle sleep training, gradual retreat, the disappearing chair method, and also read up on Controlled Crying or the Ferber method.

Pick what feels right for you. And make their dad help with night wakings so you're starting from a strong, not-exhausted footing.

NewMum0305 · 12/10/2020 10:14

There’s a difference between Cry It Out (literally leaving your baby to cry until they fall asleep) and Controlled Crying (letting your baby crying but going in at increasing intervals to settle them and reassure then).

I did the latter for my daughter at about 10/11 months and it worked wonders x

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 12/10/2020 10:25

The gradual retreat worked wonders with mine around this age but it took a couple of nights. I worked my way from cuddling, to leaning in the cot with a hand on the tummy/back, to just staying by the cot and then further towards the door etc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General parenting

ShirleyPhallus · 12/10/2020 10:30

We’ve just done controlled crying and the result has been amazing

Eggcellent29 · 12/10/2020 14:52

Could you safely co-sleep?

sbhydrogen · 12/10/2020 15:45

I'm on day five of the Ferber method and I no longer have to feed my DD to sleep, and therefore I have my evenings back (and can drink wine!), nor do I have to wake up ~4 times a night!

It's tough as the crying is really sad, but if you think about how you're teaching your DTs a life skill, you feel better about it.

"Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" is the book to read, and it has tonnes on babies' sleep which is super useful.

AriettyHomily · 12/10/2020 15:53

Dts sleeps went to shit when they were that age.

We ended up doing what would probably be called gradual retreat now. Took a week of hard work but it was worth it.

You need your Dh on board though, you can't do it with both of them at once.

youdidask · 12/10/2020 16:23

Watch a few super nanny YouTube's

Hang In There op it's tough but it will get better

Horehound · 12/10/2020 16:27

I personally could not leave my baby to cry. Yes ok for a few mins but not indefinitely so they give up hope you'll come for them and just stop.
They are babies, they need love and support.

micc · 12/10/2020 16:29

I used to do a sort of controlled crying with my DD. I feel really lucky as in general she was a good sleeper, but I used to go into her after a couple minutes if she hadn't settled herself I would check she was ok and sooth her without picking her up. I would touch her face and talk to her and sing to her. This worked for us as she knew we were there but she wasnt going to get what she wanted which was to be in our bed haha. Not sure if it was the right or the wrong thing to do but it worked. She is now 4 and if she has a bad dream or something we do the same, I'll go in and sit on her bed and talk to her. Again I think some times she just likes to know we are there.

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