8 year old dd will not get off iPad.

[Smondayblues]

Hi

My dd is 8 and since lockdown she has became 'addicted' to her iPad. She will go on it after school until I take it and hide it. She will then moan that she is bored and has nothing to do.

I let her on it after school to do her homework set by the teacher which is now all online. As I don't have time to watch over her for an hour she ends up playing games and watching YouTube. Then she will have to to the homework also.

This weekend she has repeatedly moaned she is bored as I have said no iPad other than for homework. She has really acted up banging doors and being rude to me and dp.
She has been really hard work and the weekend feels ruined.

Can I ask what activities you do with your 8 year old?
I am limited to what I can do outside but we do aim for at least one walk a day.

Same problem here but game of uno or the word search game is popular. Maybe watching a show together, even just a half hour one.
What about buying mini puzzle books, we bought a few on Amazon I think I just searched age range and got books with sudoku and such in.

I have an 8 year old son. He normally has 20-30 min screen time a week and he can choose which day to have it.

He usually picks a Sunday and goes on his iPad. The rest of the time he never asks and is really happy but a lot of that is because he has 2 siblings to play with.

He goes outside, walkie talkies, Lego, colouring, craft, reading, walks, plays a lot of sport so we are out a lot. Swimming, board games, audio books

I don’t know, it just doesn’t really come up as an issue I think because he so rarely has the iPad he just forgets it exists.

Try diamond painting (Amazon again!) very relaxing and we worked together as I bought one too but she would work on hers alone too.
Very relaxing as it’s pretty repetitive but very addictive too.

Is she getting homework every night? If not then she doesn't need to be on it at all on those nights.

If this was me, I'd find another way to access the homework and I'd have no ipad for a few months, She needs to relearn how to do other things.

I agree sometimes a long break from devices is necessary for children to rediscover other activities.

We recently did a week without and DC rediscovered toys/games/books...

If she’s rude then she loses the iPad.

Set 45 minutes of home work, then alarm sounding to signify end of homework, then if she’s done her homework 1 hour of screens, with an alarm to signify the end of screen time.

If she hasn’t done a good amount of homework when the alarm hounds after 45 minutes remove screens altogether and try again next day

She only gets 1 hour screen time if the 45 minutes homework is done

Have a set time when she can use the ipad e.g. 4-4.30om, then she doesn't get it at any other time. We don't have an ipad but dd always moans at the end of tv/YouTube time, but she knows it's strictly 5-5.30 so has given up asking for it outside of that time. She does play computer games with her dad as well. He introduced her to worms and minesweeper this weekend! She's a big fan of board games and of making 'plays' with her teddies. But she will only relax into doing these if she knows YouTube is definitely not an option.

Alternatively she does her homework on paper and you give out the screens if she’s polite and works hard

My children same age aren't allowed tablets or phones. We have a laptop on the dinning-room table they can use for online homework where they are supervised. I often print off the work instead of having them work online, then send a photo to the teacher.

My 8yrs and 10yrs still play with toys and at make believe - Lego, Playmobil etc. in fairness they play with each other which helps. However, they also just know that video games and tablets are not part of their daily lives and so don't balk at it. In terms of outdoors we bike, scooter, toss a baseball, walk the dog and we have a garden they can have nerf shootouts, build forts etc.

Personally, I would pull your daughters tech for a period and tell her she is showing her brain is not ready to handle it through her behavior and her inability to play with other things.

Unfortunately the screen is highly addictive. However, don’t give it to her first thing. Let her play. My 8 year old dd plays in the park after school. If there are no friends she sits w me on a bench, has a snack and we chat. Then we play w the dog. Once home she plays with Lego’s or lol dolls. Then we have dinner. Do homework. Then she plays some more. Sometimes she will watch a little tv or use the iPad for 20-30 mins. Then she reads 30-60 mins before bed. Or willl draw, colour, sticker etc. Weekends she watches more tv. If you let them have too much screen time it kills their imagination and ability to play or entertain themselves w out the screen.

One week off tech entirely. Then she gets it for homework only. If she handles that sensibly she can start to get some when you say (I allow more tech if someone is I'll and it is raining, for example. They don't need to know the exact algorithm!)
The week break from tech will be more beneficial than the homework - if there are specific concepts she is struggling with that needs to be addressed separately.
What do we do? Bake, play swingball, read, listen to Fun Kids UK on the radio, draw, colour, watch TV, clay modelling, help with cooking, Lego, help with laundry, science kits, Dobble, activity books, and my 9 y o girl spends ages doing her or my hair last thing before bed so it stays in for 20 minutes. My 7 year old still does big building, like dens. They need a period of boredom to find a direction.

I'd aim for 30 - 45 mins 3 X weekly so there are days she doesn't have it, rather than short periods each day.
I forgot story writing and play writing in my list above. Don't suggest play writing though, they go in forever. An 8 to can write a decent story though.

When she does bang doors and is rude to you I would tell her this is exactly why she doesn't get the ipad because she is too young to be able to deal with her emotions over it. Her behaviour is unacceptable. I bet she doesn't do that in school when the teacher tells her no. I would remind of her of that too.

I agree with the ipad being only for homework at the moment. I am sure you can set parental controls for time limits and what websites they can access. I am hoping that you have set a password to access it.

My children didn't have ipads (other devices but no ipads) so I don't know what apps you can install to limit times etc but I am sure I have read about them on here.

My 8yo dd was becoming like this (in my case she's addicted to roblox game) so I decided that during the week she does not have the tablet. Massive meltdowns, sulks, worst mum ever, I'm bored etc but it's the rule now that during the week there is no gaming, tablet.

At weekends she has an hour in the morning after she's eaten, washed and dressed, then another hour in the evening so 2 hours max Saturday & Sunday's.

It's very hard at the beginning as they will moan, whine, CONSTANTLY say they have nothing to do and are bored.

I just decided enough was enough and at 8 I must be firm and place boundaries or she'll push and push.
School is busy, she has lots of toys, crafts, books to keep her entertained after school, I get her to be involved in making her packed lunch, helping with dinner, this was the first week and it's not been a day but also not as bad as I'd feared.

Has been challenging to get her off for the hour but I've said she'll lose it all together if it can't be controlled.

Good luck!

*not been easy I meant, not been a day 🙄

I would be requesting home work is done on paper and she can only have the ipad if she completes her homework and is nice. 1 hour max a day

I also have DD8 who is addicted! After school she can have it when she's read a chapter of her book to me and she's completed 10 minutes of times tables rockstars. She has homework on google classroom once a week but I make her use the laptop for that. She's only allowed the iPad until tea time during the week.

I'd use half term to break the habit. Decide how long/how often you'd be happy with her doing fun stuff on it (homework doesn't count) then allow that. When school is back give her x amount of time to do her homework and IF it's done (to the best of her ability, not rushed through) then she gets x time on it to play.

Then stick to the rules. Don't give in, not once, then after a period of whinging she'll learn there's no point mooching around whining and will go and play.

E strong, do it now, it doesn't get any easier!!

I let my daughter go on Roblox during lockdown even though l hated it. But was very clear when she is back at school it will be a weekend treat only and even then, it will depend on her behaviour during the week. All good so far, not had any drama. Can you let her be bored- almost like an addiction she will resist at first but try and distract her with other things. Or at the very least make her read, do times tables etc verbally and make her earn her time on it?

It’s so so hard, I feel your pain. I have two 8 year olds. I think part of the problem though if we are honest (including myself here) is that it’s just so easy and nice to have them quiet for a little while whilst on a screen. A bit like when my siblings and I watched early morning tv every weekend or were allowed out for 2 hours to play with friends in the local green (at 8 years old). It’s breaking that habit for you as much as her and I don’t mean that in any sort of judgemental way btw.
Things I find have helped:
Only allowed screens from 5-6pm. Then it’s dinner. No screens before 5pm, don’t even ask me! If you nag me about them, it’s 5 minutes off per ask.
we don’t have screens every day. We make some days screen free.
They need to find something else to do in the house (toys, books, games, board games, garden etc ) before they earn their screen. If they play nicely with something else then they can have the screen at 5pm.
You have to be really firm and put your foot down on the rules.
Weekends I get out as much as possible to get away from the house and screens.

@Smondayblues Hi OP - it looks like most of the replies so far are parents who already have this sorted, which Is great -but it's easy to end up in your current boat.
A couple of weeks ago I had the realisation that I really needed to tackle screen time with my two DC 7 and 9 as with lockdown / homeschool/ summer holidays it had crept up.
Long story short I had a recommendation from a friend for Time Tokens -
timetokens.com

You could easily create a system like this yourself as PP have said - the principle is you agree together what the allowance is and when it can be used and then your DC use a token when they want screen time.
We bought two sets and it's been absolutely brilliant - way exceeded my expectations. I liked the fact that it was all packaged up as something fun and makes them feel in control. So far I am a huge fan of his system - might be worth a look.

Good luck my DC are so much happier - I feel awful I didn't address it sooner.

We have the Kidslox app on our iPads. It's a very good system - you set up different schedules for each day of the week, say, 30min screen time between the hours of 4 and 6pm and the device is only unlocked for that window of time. It takes all of the angst out of it because the iPads just shut down when the screen time is used up.

Can you print the homework? More of a faff, but it was help break the cycle and then if she isn't following the rules, you can enforce a break.

DS's preferred tech is thankfully the switch, which is no use for homework. He is only allowed it when tasks are done, behaviour standards are met and then only from 4pm-5.15, when he has to come and set to table for dinner.

When the day is going badly it is removed to place he can't get it back from himself. He does sometimes tantrum at this. I ignored this, much as I ignored tantrums over biscuits at 2. However I try to do it early enough in the that he can "earn back" screen privalages, ie tidy up the mess he's made and do x constructive task.

Because he knows he absolutely won't get it before 4pm, he finds other things to do until then. Toys, books, baking, park, swimming all fill the day up.

Thank you all. I'm really surprised how many of you have been/ still are in this situation.

In some ways I'm glad I'm not the only parent dealing with this, but also shocked at how common this problem has become.

I think it has become worse from lockdown as we were required to do school work daily from the iPad. Our printer ink stoped working and we couldn't afford £35 for a new set ( fussy printer doesn't want to know anything but the really stuff) .

I will see if I can set up screen time on the iPad to allow her two hours after school a day. I will aim to cut this down.

She is currently playing a Roblox game and every day you need to log in to claim a reward. If you miss a day your rewards go back to day one. We worked it out that to get the best reward you need to play the game everyday for a straight 6 months! How bad is that. I think games like this are the problem.