Struggling with anger

[Bettyboop82]

I’ve got 3 years old twins and a 3 month old. I’ve absolutely loved being a mum from day one, my children have been my number one priority and I’ve gone above and beyond (like most other parents!) to make sure they feel secure, loved and happy.... however, my feelings towards my older children have changed since the baby has been born, they are loud and boisterous around him, are obviously jealous of the attention he gets and their behaviour continues to deteriorate. previously they were well behaved, lovely kids and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. Today they have hurt him by Doing things like kissing him too hard and leaning on him. He flinches when they come near him. I’m careful not to leave the baby alone with them and am trying to give them some one to one attention throughout the day when the baby is asleep. My husband works 6 days a week and with Covid I have zero support from family. I am feeling tearful and overwhelmed, I keep crying and getting bury with my older children. Today I felt like pushing one of them away when they made yet another lunge for the baby. I love all of my children dearly and don’t want to be angry or shouty mum. Is this a phase? Will it pass? Am I depressed or just knackered?

Angry not bury!

I think I’d say likely a mix of depressed and knackered and worth talking to your gp now

You’ve a right handful going on there and that would be tough for anyone.

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I have a four month old and a 2.5year old and again I have to be really vigilant with him and the baby and feel really angry when he hurts her either intentionally or with 'love'.

I feel that I am getting angry as I should be protecting the baby and I have failed when the toddler gets her, I also feel guilty that I'm not spending enough one on one time with the baby as the toddler is much more demanding and that feeds into the guilt and then anger. Once I started unpicking the reasons for the anger it helped me remain calmer if it happened. It doesn't help when you are really tired though. Can your twins go nursery at all so you can get some time with just the baby and some rest?

I have a toddler who is lashing out at a baby too, and was finding it really upsetting. Got advice from a friend who had the same thing.

She said make sure you're getting the older to have some responsibility so when he is in a good mood and indicating he wants to hold her, I now let him. He has to sit properly, arms out. He gets a quick hold and kiss. I can tell how proud he feels. This seems to have helped!

In addition she advised I get him to look at her face if she cries after he has sat on her or whatever to help him develop empathy. I'm doing it but don't know if it's working.

I am also just starting to listen to a podcast called unruffled: respectful parenting'. This was covered in an episode and she offers tips and highlights just how common this is. And how understandable it is too, of course your twins and my DS are upset as their worlds have been turned upside down.