7 month old baby and struggling

[atmylimit]

First time mum here, with a 7 month old baby. I have a supportive partner and we are financially okay. I work two days a week and have a nanny who takes care of our baby on the days that I work.

My trouble is that despite the privileges that I have, I'm struggling with being a mum. Yesterday was one of my days at home alone with the baby and by 3pm I was exhausted, my neck and back were agony (I have chronic pain and lifting baby up and down all day triggers it) and I was so feeling so low and fed up that I called the PANDAS helpline and sobbed to them. Feeling like this seems to be a regular thing on the days that I'm home. I feel much happier on the days that I work, and enjoy spending time with my baby in the evenings and weekends when my partner is around too.

I feel like my nanny does a better job than me taking care of the baby. She has so much energy and stamina to entertain my baby all day. I feel like a failure by comparison, as I find my days at home so tedious and soul destroying, even though I hade a good bond with my baby! I'm wondering if I'll struggle less when she is walking and talking or perhaps I'm just not as maternal as I thought I was

I have long-standing anxiety and depression and a tricky childhood, I wonder if the way I was parented makes it hard for me to be a mother.

My baby was premature and I found the birth (emergency c section due to heavy bleeding and rupture of membranes) and hospital care afterwards really difficult. I remember swinging between feeling numb and having panic attacks in hospital afterwards and the rest is a blur.

I really feel like I'm at my limit, the sleep deprivation is catching up with me and I can feel my mental health slipping.

Maybe I'd be happier if I went back to work full time. I think I'd feel guilty though.

Anyone got any advice?

Dear OP, things will get easier over time, but if you want to go back to work full time then that is absolutely fine and you should not feel bad about that. I bet your partner doesn't feel guilty about working full time so why should you? How about increasing to three or four days as a compromise?

Firstly you are doing a great job. No one tells you how hard it really is. Have you spoken to anyone else about this? Does your partner support you? Have you a network of other mums around with babies of similar ages- I found this invaluable as then knew I wasn’t the only person feeling the same way. Are there any baby clubs running in your area which could help break up the day for you? If sleep deprivation is one of the issues please contact a sleep consultant we did this around 1 and it was magic I was kicking myself we didn’t do it earlier x

It will get easier. My daughter was way easier as a toddler than as a baby. I also find parenting hard and untill fairly recently (my daughter is 5) I found it far nicer spending time as a family than just the two of us - my husband is a teacher so has endless patience and is great with kids, he's hardly ever struggled or even got tired having her on his own in the school holidays. For financial reasons I went back to work full time at 7 months. My daughter went to an amazing childminder who was like a second mother to her - she was with her till she started school. Knowing how she was having so much fun and learning so much whilst I was at work was great and we have great times together at weekends and holidays (I get quite a lot of holiday and also take a bit of unpaid parental leave every year but I take most of it in the school holidays when my husband is also off). If you enjoy work then it is fine to do more days especially as you are so happy with your nanny.

Thank you all for the replies, they were validating to read. I am going to increase my hours to four days.

I've also increased my antidepressant dose so hopefully my mood will improve soon too.

Are you able to leave your baby on a playmat to entertain themselves for a short time? My son is 6 months old and has been playing with his toys on his mat for the last 15 minutes, while I sit on the sofa next to him and look at my phone. I do sometimes feel like I should be entertaining him 24/7 but honestly, it’s just not realistic IME - and I need the occasional (half) break with a cup of tea to get through the day.

Sounds like a good decision OP.