I think I have quite and un-social child and it's bothering me a bit

[Pruners]

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Pruners, he's awfully young to be able to sustain and make friendships as we understand them.

Ds at this age = no "real" friends at all apart from a rather hilarious folie a deux thing with the other really talkative child at nursery...

Ds at six = still bleating with genuine pathos about how one particular (impossibly wholesome and nice and therefore very annoying) boy at school had everyone after him to be his friend...and that no-one loved him bla bla

Ds at eight = popular boy in class, liked by all, with two good friends and a wider circle of four more he likes and plays with all the time. One of the good friends is someone he talks to about feelings and things - it's a very deep and mutually caring relationship. "Blood brothers", horse-trading as to whether they can persuade friend's younger brother to marry dd so they can be "real" brothers...

You really would not have given this outcome ANY credence at all when he was rising four. And, any children seemingly having a great and real social life at that age...their mothers are lying. It's a developmental thing.

eric, sounds like you only believe in the nurture part of the whole nature/nurture debate

Hope you can find a storyteller Pruners, it really was a nice party.

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Err Eric you'd let a 3 year old out on his own to play unsupervised???

'a few of these kids'

that was a bit bizarre too

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Lio - I'm in N London and would be very interested to hear about this storyteller person, if you wouldnt mind?

Without trying to put you 'on the couch' Pruni....

Do you think you may just be projecting your own anxieties on to him because of difficulties you had when you were young?

pruni sorry I really should go to bed so haven't time to read whole thread so apols if I am repeating.
I don't think it matters if ds is self contained, it isn't "right" to be extroverted and wrong to be introverted. how does he react if you suggest bringing people back to the house to play?

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Pruners, just let him be comfortable with himself and his choices. He is so young. Things change so quickly at that age.
As long has he feels your love and security then the world is his oyster!

What I have found helps with DD is to not ask her if she wants to do something.

I tell her that we are going to do something. I explain why, and then go through step by step what we are going to do, what will happen, and what she is expected/required to do. I do this up to a week before we are going to do something, but usually a day or two before.

it means she is prepared for what is coming, and expects it. She is much more comfortable that way. I never push her now. It is counterproductive.

You also have to remember - he is still only very young.

And you know what, when I met him, he seemed perfectly comfortable sat around a table with a bunch of strangers

I meant to include that I repeat the explanation of things several times over, and at least twice within the hour before we actually do it.

Then, I can say to her during whatever it is "this is the bit where we do x y z." etc

SaintJude I will CAT you.

btw, SaintJude, last time I CAT-ed someone it went into their Junk email, so perhaps check there too if you don't hear from me soon.

okey dokey - thank you