Struggling with newborn

[Stoaty]

Hi! Just joined on here as I’m struggling a bit with my newborn... she will be 6 weeks this weekend, but up until now I’ve found it really hard adjusting to life, just me and her. All my day consists of is feeding (ebf) nappies and trying to get her to nap - coupled with bouts of constant crying, when I’m so used to going out and being active. I don’t feel that confident in taking her out places yet as she constantly wants feeding, and has bouts of being fussy/crying, (they think she is colicky) so it wouldn’t be relaxing for me at all. Love her to bits, but am waiting for the days when she can interact with us more and be less needy. She will only nap on me during the day, I can’t get anything done! Please tell me I’m not the only one?!!!

I’m past this stage now but just wanted to reply as I remember it well (my son is one now). The first six weeks were the hardest for me, it did start to slowly get better after that. In another six weeks things will be totally different! It is really hard, just try and be kind to yourself. You’re doing a great job! Try and enjoy the napping on you as that will stop sooner than you think, and use the opportunity to watch lots of Netflix and eat biscuits.

My DD was exactly the same and she’s 10 months now. At about 6 months she started napping in the cot when she went into her own room. I know it’s such a cliche but I would just enjoy the naps and just try and do what you can when she’s in bed. If you have a bouncy chair, put her in that and take her round the house if it’s chores you are wanting to do! It definitely gets easier the older they get, those first few weeks are so intense. And definitely don’t worry about feeding baby in public, that first time is the hardest but you will soon build confidence lots of places have breastfeeding rooms now if you fancy venturing to the shops (John Lewis is awesome for this). But you’ve got this, I’m sure you’re doing a great job

Thank you both, it’s nice to know that’s it’s not just me and her experiencing this! It’s been so hard with the whole Covid thing, but as you say, I’m clinging onto the hope that it will get better from 6weeks...!!! Thank you for your support xx

Very normal to find it hard op. I found it exhausting and very difficult but now I've got a 2 year old who adores me, sleeps through the night and showers me in kisses and cuddles. It's all worth it in the end

Hello, I sort of felt the same but always made sure I went out every single day, even if it was just a short walk. LO would fall straight to sleep and stay asleep for a while and it was very nice to get some fresh air. She’s 9 months old now and I still go out everyday but it is harder to get her to nap as she wants to look at everything. As difficult as it may seem now you will look back and miss those days of them being small and wish you hadn’t put so much pressure on yourself regarding napping etc. They pretty much figure everything out themselves with time anyway. Also if you have to feed in public (I did it in many places) people generally don’t care, honestly. I never had any comments or looks at all. Enjoy xx

Not just you, I'd bet every mum feels like this during the first weeks and months. Have you tried a sling? We didn't until around 3 months and wow it was a game changer. Im using it from day 1 for my second. It'll really help the fussiness as they are soothed by being close to you.

Ask for help from friends and family, even if its just to hold the baby whilst you shower.

Totally normal and it really does get easier! I'd say you are past the hardest part now.

How often does she need feeding? Could you go out for a pram walk for 30 mins a few times a day? You could be back in time for her next feed so you don't have to worry about feeding her when out.

For when I need to feed my little one outdoors, I tie a massive muslin around my neck so it's like a big droopy scarf. Both my boobs and baby are hidden that way and so easy to do on a park bench etc.

I remember feeling really nervous about taking my LO out at first. But now it's like second nature and its my favourite way to get her to nap. Being outside for a bit just makes everything seem a bit better.

Now that she's 5 months she won't nap on me anymore so gone are my Netflix in bed days.... I know it's a pain in the arse to be stuck in the same place all the time, but it won't last forever!

Also just to say I know Covid makes everything so much harder and it can be tough to keep spirits up, especially now it's getting darker and colder. I've only just started venturing into the shops to grab a few bits for dinner etc, before I completely avoided it. Do what you feel comfortable with, but if you are masked up and baby is safely in the pram you should be fine. I put the raincover over her pram too for extra protection and everyone in my local Sainburys thinks I'm nuts

And another vote for a sling. I wouldn't get any housework done without it. Baby naps for longer in there too!

Thank you all so much, you have all already lifted my spirits... here’s to tomorrow, and a walk in the fresh air... and knowing that things will get better xx

My LO is 7 weeks and is only just getting used to his cot. If one more person told me to 'enjoy the cuddles while you can' I'd have taken off. Of course it's amazing but sleep deprivation plus screaming at your face is brutal. IVF baby, after two losses and there were nights of bone crushing tiredness when I looked back fondly on my single life . Yesterday he went into his little gym, the second bouncer we tried, and I got to make a cup of tea! Today he loves his gym and spent about 20 mins in there everytime I put him in. I'm trying to get him used to anything but mummy at the mo.

It's just me and him too so I know how tiring it is x

My DD is also 6 weeks and I could have written your post. I make sure I get out with her every day for a walk, but other than that I'm really nervous to take her anywhere and am starting to feel like a shut in. I worry that I'm not doing enough to stimulate her - I sing to her lots but she'll only tolerate the play gym or her bouncer for 5-10 mins at a time & is indifferent to soft toys/books. And like yours she'll only sleep on me so while I enjoy the snuggles & Netflix I feel guilty I get nothing done around the house (I do have a sling but when she's cluster feeding/sleeping in a cycle there's no point in putting her in it). Doesn't help that DH keeps making comments that I spend too much time on the couch/watching TV with her.

So I've no real solutions for you but wanted to let you know you're not alone!

Also, I'd u read about the fourth trimester you'll understand your LO a little bit more..it made sense to me anyhoo

@heroineinahalfshell I resisted ntv for the first few weeks but am currently watching Netflix, that's a game changer!

Had a baby like this and he is the most independent child ever now.

Hard to put in words without sounding bad but I then went on to have an easier baby. I love them equally but I am 100% more 'in tune' with my clingy only-sleep-on-me-bf-around-the-clock one.
Just sending support and encouragement. Advice is useless as they're all different. As the saying goes, if it worked you'd be doing it.
Good luck.

(And having said that advice isn't useful, also recommend a sling - it was our most useful purchase for our demanding baby..close caboo or similar to start with, might be worth a try)

Some babies are easier than others. All newborns are demanding, obviously, but if they are constantly or frequently crying and unsettled it can be a sign of an issue. It's worth considering and ruling out in case there is a medical cause. My first baby was really hard work and it wasn't until months and months down the line that I realised he had silent reflux that was caused by CMPA. Of course your baby might not have those things at all but I always advise people to look up the signs and symptoms just in case.

If it's not that or anything else, and just normal newborn fussiness, hope you can take some comfort in the fact that it will pass. It feels endless but it does pass. Meanwhile do what you have to do to get through it.

I have a 9 week old boy and I totally understand. He was very colicky until about 7 or 8 weeks (all my days run into one, it feels like years) and I was tearing my hair out. I was nervous about taking him out too but when he needs to eat he is scandalous so what I did was get him prepared to leave right after a feed to get a half hour walk in and then back home. It normally works. He falls asleep in the pram too. Also, you'll see a huge difference in a week or so with the attention they pay to the gym and toys. Mine is now fascinated by a crunchy monkey toy we have that I hang in front of him and he can stay a little longer by himself in the gym. Like 15-20mins. You'll get there, but for me it has definitely been way more difficult than I anticipated xx

3 month old here - things do get easier but I think most moms could have written your first post.

My baby hasn’t been a crier (thank god) but he spits up after pretty much every feed so we get through a lot of clothes and he doesn’t appreciate being laid down on his back which means putting him down for a nap is difficult. We had a blissful few days where he napped in his Moses basket so I could get things done, but he’s back to only napping on me or dad, which we give in to as poor bunny needs his sleep.

He’s much easier to cope with now at 3 months than the newborn stage in my opinion - as another poster said he’ll entertain himself with the play gym or in his little bouncer chair for 15-20 mins. And he absolutely loved nappy free time... we put a continence sheet underneath him for the inevitable wees!

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Hang in there - once he starts smiling and cooing at you it gets easier.

Totally normal at that stage. And it will continue to be tricky for a while I’m afraid, but you do adapt to it.

Slings are helpful for giving you your hands to do things (if your baby will tolerate one, mine would but only in the mornings, she never would in the afternoons). But mostly in the newborn stage you just need to accept that you’re going to get very little done if you have a baby that wants to be held. Some do! It’s perfectly natural, don’t beat yourself up because some people have babies that sleep better so they can get more done.

Going out at this age is entirely for your benefit. So if you feel like it, go for it. If you don’t, dont! I used to want to get out even if just for a quick walk around the block, but it’s not going to make any difference to your newborn.

I second the suggestion to have a good read about the '4th trimester'. Now is the time to nurture your baby AND yourself. The early, unsettled days and weeks don't last very long. Babies tend to become more settled and less colicky approaching about 3 months. You're half way there already! Have a read too (Google it) about 'the period of purple crying'.
I also highly recommend a sling. I used nothing but this for all three of my babies. In the house or out! Very soothing and comforting for babies. You can find some that you are able to breastfeed in too!

You are definitely not the only one. My baby is now an adult. However, the first six weeks were absolutely exhausting. I can't remember much about it as I was like a zombie. Seriously, it will get better soon x

Good luck @Stoaty
I haven’t read all the other replies but remember that it gets progressively easier very quickly!

Only advice is get out as much as you can during the day (unless you’re napping 😉). Made me feel 10x better. Xx