Am I being selfish?

[Sus02]

Thanks in advance for reading and taking the time to answer. It’s no secret I don’t like my partners family, I have caught his mum doing a line of cocaine on my kitchen side, this was a couple of years ago, she came to collect my daughter for a birthday party (she was 4 then), luckily it was me whom opened the door and not my daughter. I didn’t let her go as I wouldn’t let someone under the influence drive my children anywhere. I told my partner who refused to confront his mum about it, so it left me no choice but not to let her babysit our children ever again as I have no trust in her. Since then a lot of things has happened, his family smokes around children, I don’t agree with that, I know people has their own opinions but I don’t want it around my kids. They also slug me off in front of them, it upsets my little girl. We very rarely see them as I don’t like the kids seeing them as I never know how they are going to behave. It causes conflict between me and my partner as he sides with his family. I seriously don’t know what else to do. He knows his family are trash but still defends them. It hurts me as I’m not in the wrong. I hate drugs, I don’t smoke so I don’t see why I have to let people behave like that around my children? My partner thinks I should trust him but he can’t stop his mum behaving the way she does and I can’t bare the thought of my children seeing drugs at this age, they are young and innocent. I often put my foot down and they don’t go to his family gatherings but it upsets my partner. What should is do? My kids comes first but I want some peace between em and my partner:

Calling them “trash” probably isn’t very helpful even if they are acting that way.

If id seen my MIL doing Coke in my kitchen I’d have called the police and reported myself for throwing her through the window. That’s completely unacceptable behaviour. I’d have gone NC then.

I think the only way to resolve this is to have an honest talk with your DH about how you feel, what you aren’t willing to have your DC exposed to and what he thinks about it.

Does he enjoy spending time with his family or is it a habit/guilt type thing?

I don't think you're being selfish at all, his family's behaviour technically count as abusive towards your children (the use of drugs around them and the emotional abuse of seeing them being nasty about you). Your kids are more important, and keeping them safe is what you're doing so well done for sticking to your guns. When they're older they should be allowed to decide for themselves if they want to be around the other side of your family but if they're small (I'm guessing they are) then you should definitely protect them from all that.

Your kids are more important. They are little and you need to defend them. It doesn’t matter what your in laws think of you.

Time for a tough conversation with your DP.