11yo son stealing

[Vih84]

Hi. I need some advise. My 11yo has really gone down hill behaviour wise. Last school year - pre lockdown- he was sneaking money out of the house to go and buy sweets before school but this was his own money. Towards the end of the summer holidays £60 wenr missing out of my purse on the day my son was going shopping with his dad (we are divorced) and he later admitted taking it and using it to buy toys.
Last week i found £80 in his school bag which he told me he had found in his bedroom. I didn't beleive him but i had no proof it had come from anywhere else but i took it off him and put it in his savings. Today i checked his bag as i do most days as i don't trust him and found £100! Turns out if was his stepdads. They used to be very close however as my son's behaviour has got worse their relationship is now at breaking point. I managed to put it back before my husband realised and i don't want him to know as it would be the end of things for them. I don't know what to do! I have already taken all his computer games and phone off him. Any advise?

That's really tough, op. My first thought is that he may be trying to get attention, but going about it in a negative way. Whatever the reason, you must get to the root of it before it escalates beyond control. Therapy may be in order, I think. I found this article, maybe it can help.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jun/03/annalisa-barbieri-problem-solved-is-son-sociopath

Are you sure there is no one else involved, no bullying?

[quote Aquamarine1029]That's really tough, op. My first thought is that he may be trying to get attention, but going about it in a negative way. Whatever the reason, you must get to the root of it before it escalates beyond control. Therapy may be in order, I think. I found this article, maybe it can help.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jun/03/annalisa-barbieri-problem-solved-is-son-sociopath[/quote]
Thank you

To add, I really think you need to speak to your husband about all this. You say he's fed up with your son's behaviour, but him not working with you to address your son's problems isn't going to help. Your son senses his step-father's anger and emotional distance, I'm sure. Stealing from him might have been retribution or a way to get attention. Your home being a battle field is not going to improve anything. Your son's father needs to be working with you, too.

@TheQueef

Are you sure there is no one else involved, no bullying?

Not that i know of. At the end of 1st school there was a big fall out with his best friend so starting middle school last year was difficult. I don't know if he is using money/sweets to try and buy friends? I do know he has given money to one of his friends

Hi OP, this must be really worrying for you. Have you asked your son why he is doing it? What was the consequence for him regarding the initial £60 - did he get to keep the toys he bought?

It's also worrying to read about the breakdown of your husband's relationship with your son. I think this could be contributing to his behaviour too - if he doesn't feel secure at home, he may be acting out in response.

The amount feels off.
He couldn't really buy anything expensive but still takes these amounts?
Almost like he wants you to know and intervene.

I hope you can get some support from DP I doubt stepD being alienated will help.

@ComicePear

Hi OP, this must be really worrying for you. Have you asked your son why he is doing it? What was the consequence for him regarding the initial £60 - did he get to keep the toys he bought?

It's also worrying to read about the breakdown of your husband's relationship with your son. I think this could be contributing to his behaviour too - if he doesn't feel secure at home, he may be acting out in response.

He got to keep the toys but i took the money out his savings

I think you should make your son tell your husband what he's done. Covering up for him isn't going to help him. He needs to be accountable and face serious consequences. However, I would tell your husband about this first so he is able to have a reasonable reaction to your son.