Worried about three year old at preschool

[Miriam101]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I am seriously sleep deprived at the moment due to new baby so could do with some advice as to whether I am tying myself in knots over nothing or whether there might be something to worry about with my toddler.

DD is 3 and a half, and started preschool for the first time in Sept. previously has just been looked after by a nanny. Anyway, she goes very happily and hasn’t to my knowledge had any tearful episodes or tantrums like the ones I’ve seen from other kids. So far so good. Because of her past (nanny then lockdown when she was just with me and DH for months) and because she’s always been on the shy side I was already a bit worried she would have a tough time making friends with the other kids. But on the first day the nursery staff said she was doing great and was playing with the other children.

Fast forward to today when she said while playing with me “we can’t always play without the others”. I asked what she meant as it wasn’t quite right in the context. It turned out as I suspected that it was something her nursery key worker had said to her. DD then opened up a bit and said she didn’t play with the other kids because “they don’t want to play with me” (sob) but not to worry because “I like playing on my own”. I asked if it bothered her/made her sad and she said no. She said they didn’t share their toys with her. But I can’t help feeling a bit worried. The nursery haven’t said anything to me and I guess it’s only been a few weeks. She has spoken about some girls there and described one of them as her “best friend” but I have no idea how much she’s actually interacting with them. With covid I haven’t even been able to see inside the nursery let alone watch how they get on in there.

So should I be worried or is this fairly standard for three year olds? She hasn’t been able to form many friendships with even my friends’ children as Covid has put paid to so much. I should maybe also say that since starting preschool she’s been waking at night (used to sleep through like a log) often crying or having had a bad dream. I don’t know if this is anxiety about nursery or her new baby sister.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I feel like I need some wisdom.

Could have just been her recalling one bad day- I would just talk to the nursery. Do they have an online platform with pics etc from her day you can see? Just because you can’t go in doesn’t mean you can’t discuss progress etc.

Agree could just be one day. Deffo speak to nursery if nothing else to put your mind at rest x

I would mention what she said to her key worker and ask about it. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about

Thank you all for replying, and you’re of course right- I just need to ask the nursery if this is a fair representation of what’s happening or(as I hope) just one bad day. Thanks again.

I agree it might have only been one day - or even one incident. It's still really early days and three year olds, are just learning to make friends, try not to worry. Three year old girls have quite a lot of best friends (or mine does at least). There's one or two that have been consistent, but I take it to mean she's just had particular fun with that person - which is good, it means she's playing and enjoying someone's company.

The whole friendship thing is very new - up until around three, children play alongside each other and are in the process of playing with other children.

If you're worried, speak to the pre school. Don't feel silly, we all worry about our children and the thought of them being or feeling left out is heartbreaking for us.